Bearch Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 so I broke up with the ex about a year ago...we went nc for a good 8 months...with just a few how are you? convos...recently we have been talking a lot more everyday, she says that she wants me back, but she doens't want to deal with a long distance relationship......makes sense but in the mean time everytime we talk she always seems pre occupied as if she is trying to avoid talking about anything worth while.....and she only calls me at midnight....I have heard from friends or through the grape vine that she is seeing another person, but everytime I bring it up she denies it and says that I shouldn't believe everything I hear......So I feel like I need to go Nc with her again...but how do I go about doing that after we have been talking everyday for the past 2 months?
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 but how do I go about doing that after we have been talking everyday for the past 2 months? Stop responding to her calls/texts/emails/IMs. If you want to be considerate, just tell her you don't want to talk anymore... It's really kind of easy when you think about it...
Author Bearch Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 yeah it is easy, the only thing is that I dont want to have to deal with her saying it was me who backed out when, she is the one who is supposedly with someone else....I guess I cut her off if shes still around then maybe consider a relationship with her when she moves down this way...?
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 yeah it is easy, the only thing is that I dont want to have to deal with her saying it was me who backed out when, she is the one who is supposedly with someone else.... Uh...seriously, who cares...? I guess I cut her off if shes still around then maybe consider a relationship with her when she moves down this way...? See above. But seriously, cross that bridge only if you ever get to it...there's no sense thinking about it now...move on and live your life...there's too many great women out there for you to be wasting your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you...
DustySaltus Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Let's think about this rationally. NC for 8 months and she's been seeing someone else. She only calls you at specific times. She hasn't beat down your door saying that she wants to make things work, will do whatever it takes for that and understands what issues BOTH of you need to overcome to make it happen. And you're wondering whether or not YOUR being considerate? Again, unless the FIRST words out of her mouth were I think WE made a mistake and I want things to work.....it's pointless.
Author Bearch Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 well the initial break of NC was on her end, she began calling and texting almost everyday/sending emails you get the picture.....after awhile I gave in, I didn't have any clue about this potential "other guy"....so I gave it a chance, I care about the girl more than anything, and I went and dated a few others within the time we were broke up, nothing to special....anyway after awhile of talking to her she started saying that she still loves me and cannot see herself with anyone but me in the future...I have no way of proving the fact that she is still with this other guy...I dont want to just end it out of the blue without knowing for sure....so idk...I guess her actions speak the truth more than her words at this point....but damn....what is she thinking?
USMCHokie Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 what is she thinking? This one is easy. Her goal is to gradually get closer to you just in case things with other guy don't work out. That way, she has a nice smooth transition back to you, the alleged "love of her life", and no time lost! However, if things work out with the other guy, or she finds another guy to light the fire in her loins, then she'll suddenly drop off the face of the planet and you'll be left behind wondering what the heck happened. True story.
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 This one is easy. Her goal is to gradually get closer to you just in case things with other guy don't work out. That way, she has a nice smooth transition back to you, the alleged "love of her life", and no time lost! However, if things work out with the other guy, or she finds another guy to light the fire in her loins, then she'll suddenly drop off the face of the planet and you'll be left behind wondering what the heck happened. True story. Good call, QFT.
Author Bearch Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 Ok, I guess the only way I will know if it will work is to put up with this for now, and if she is just playing games then I will know for sure when that time comes. Its hard to see that she is just keeping me around as a backup plan. As I am sure it is easy for everyone whos read this to say that is exactly what is happening. I dk anymore, what I should do.
DustySaltus Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Re-read Hokie's post above over and over again.
aimchase Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 This one is easy. Her goal is to gradually get closer to you just in case things with other guy don't work out. That way, she has a nice smooth transition back to you, the alleged "love of her life", and no time lost! However, if things work out with the other guy, or she finds another guy to light the fire in her loins, then she'll suddenly drop off the face of the planet and you'll be left behind wondering what the heck happened. Some women are bit**es for this, my ex wife being one of them. I had EXACTLY the same comments said 'I can't imagine being with anyone else', 'I still love you' etc, yet at the same time, remained a very consistent distance so that a reconciliation was not on the cards. Your ex is deeply insecure and is one of those that has a need for a man in her life. She'll never be truly happy, as she doesn't give, she takes. She schemes, her motives are about self fulfilment, not mutual love. Honestly, I now it's tough, but MOVE ON! I guarantee you that whether it be months or years, you'll be the happier one, whilst she continues to use her manipulative ways to engineer the life she is after. It never works though.
paleblue Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 (edited) bearch i feel for ya bro. it sure isn't easy playing that game. i suppose the best way to maybe approach this is to just act like you dont care what she does. even if its killing you inside. and see what happens. your only other option is to just move on. dealing with something very similar. just started chatting with my ex after we blew each other off for 7 months. we're both "dating" others, but only after a week we have been talking about hanging out "here and there" as "friends". her bf or whatever, is the one who is long distance. so our talks are prob just like yours, getting comfortable with each other again. altho i cant help but to suspect just like Hokie said, we're being cultivated for just in case... its a classic. if i was smart i wouldn't go there. but i am an idiot. i like her company and she is only 20 mins away. it's convenient. i think Hokie had some good points to keep in mind. and you are also right - the only way to know is to put up with it for now and see what develops. unfortunately in these situations there are no instant answers like us guys would like. and it very hard to foresee what is going to happen. like i said, i think your only option is to either deal with it, or just move on. i sure know neither option is easy to do. it would be soo much easier if us guys just didnt care what females do. i know my life would be a lot easier. lmao. Edited March 5, 2010 by paleblue
Author Bearch Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 thank you all for the comments. paleblue yea its def not a fun game, and I guess you could call me crazy for getting myself into this situation. Theres a lot of stuff that has happend between me and her and I guess its hard to walk away from it after not talking to her for 8 months and then all of a sudden shes back into my life, even after the crap that I put us through. Its almost an obvious situation to a lot of you, and I wish I could be 100% with you hokie, I know what your saying and thats what I did for so long, I was over her, I just feel like an idiot for letting her back in after that. Her and I had a long convo the other day about us, I told her how I felt about this situation if she is still with other people, her response, "hes not the kind of guy for me, call me crazy but I know right now that your the one I want to be with, I just do not want to be in that kind of relationship right now" and we talked about things that originally caused our breakup (me having a lot of **** to deal with, and not treating her the way I should) I know I wasn't the best guy at those times, not trying to get any sympathy but I lost my dad and my best friend within two years when I was dating her, the friend was a mutual one of ours, so we both had that on our minds. THe guy she is with now also was friends with him, and she told me that she was just able to talk to him about everything, and she needed that. I can agree with almost everything she saying, at least understand her point of view on it, she told me that she does not want to ruin us for good by jumping back into things and to be treated the same way. I believe shes worth the wait, if thats what she really wants. If she ends up with this other guy for good, then I will move on. Call me crazy.
USMCHokie Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Her and I had a long convo the other day about us, I told her how I felt about this situation if she is still with other people, her response, "hes not the kind of guy for me, call me crazy but I know right now that your the one I want to be with, I just do not want to be in that kind of relationship right now" I will do the honors... "He's good enough in bed that I'll keep him around for now. However, I want you to wait for me while I keep looking for someone better. But if I can't find that better guy within a reasonable amount of time, I would like to come back to you because I know you'd be a sure thing." Zing.
Author Bearch Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Hokie, dude I completely agree with ya....Is it wrong that I do not care about that? maybe I am going crazy....
USMCHokie Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Hokie, dude I completely agree with ya....Is it wrong that I do not care about that? maybe I am going crazy.... Yes...it is wrong, crazy, and stupid...and you seriously need to be slapped in the face with a boat paddle...
nowomanocry Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 so I broke up with the ex about a year ago...we went nc for a good 8 months...with just a few how are you? convos...recently we have been talking a lot more everyday, she says that she wants me back, but she doens't want to deal with a long distance relationship......makes sense but in the mean time everytime we talk she always seems pre occupied as if she is trying to avoid talking about anything worth while.....and she only calls me at midnight....I have heard from friends or through the grape vine that she is seeing another person, but everytime I bring it up she denies it and says that I shouldn't believe everything I hear......So I feel like I need to go Nc with her again...but how do I go about doing that after we have been talking everyday for the past 2 months? Lol typical reserve guy approach Though I think shes either been dumped by the other guy (s) and couldn't find any better than you (soz mate lol no offences) You needn't go NC go SD Good luck lol
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