tami-chan Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I mentioned somewhere in the forum that my niece got killed in a car accident yesterday. She was only 23 y.o. a recent univ. graduate. She was supposed to come to the US for further studies (she lived in Japan) but she lost control of her car and got killed. She was a beautiful young lady---soft spoken, smart, funny....I should be crying..but I am not...I am sad..but really I am not-It seems as though I have no feelings about it. Maybe it has not sunk in yet...and I want desperately for it to happen NOW. I do not want it to creep up on me and catch me off-guard.... My mother, a very quiet, stern woman, stayed in her room most of the day yesterday-crying, quietly, for a long time....I wish she would just cry out-to let it all out. The house was so quiet...everybody was talking in hushed voices-we were tiptoeing around the house. Nobody talked about my deceased niece.....and I wanted to talk about her...I want to reach out to my mom, to tell her it is ok if a sob escapes from her..
icyness Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 My deepest sympathies and condolences Tami, I am so very sorry.
marlena Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I'm sorry, Tami. Death is a hard concept to process and a reality that is hard to bear. Each and every one of us deals with it differently. May your cousin rest in peace and may you all somehow find the strength to cope with this devastating loss.
Leia Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I mentioned somewhere in the forum that my niece got killed in a car accident yesterday. She was only 23 y.o. a recent univ. graduate. She was supposed to come to the US for further studies (she lived in Japan) but she lost control of her car and got killed. She was a beautiful young lady---soft spoken, smart, funny....I should be crying..but I am not...I am sad..but really I am not-It seems as though I have no feelings about it. Maybe it has not sunk in yet...and I want desperately for it to happen NOW. I do not want it to creep up on me and catch me off-guard.... My mother, a very quiet, stern woman, stayed in her room most of the day yesterday-crying, quietly, for a long time....I wish she would just cry out-to let it all out. The house was so quiet...everybody was talking in hushed voices-we were tiptoeing around the house. Nobody talked about my deceased niece.....and I wanted to talk about her...I want to reach out to my mom, to tell her it is ok if a sob escapes from her.. tami-chan, I was exactly like you when my cousin passed away. She died from a car accident too. It didn't sink in until much later and only when it did, I cried and cried and cried. I still cry sometimes when I think about how close we were. I'm sorry I can't offer anything else except my condolences to you, your mother and cousin's family. Grieving takes times, I've been told and your mother probably needs some time before she can talk about your niece. I know it took me a while to talk about Lyssa to her family or fiance.
Star Gazer Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I am so sorry for your loss. ((HUG)) When I lost my grammy, it didn't really hit me, I couldn't really...feel great pain and loss...until the day of her funeral. That's when it all really sunk in. Give yourself, and your mother, time to grieve. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or next week, but you'll both get there eventually.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Reading this brought tears to my eyes.. TC, I am sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your family. Don't beat up on yourself, if the tears aren't ready yet, that's okay. GO give your mom that hug. She needs it..But won't ask for one.
Hot Carl Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Hey, tami-chan. That's an awful thing to have happen. It's hard to explain why the emotions work the way they do. I know the feeling of not having the feelings and wondering why. They may never come. It doesn't make you a bad person. You know you cared about her.
DenverBachelor Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Nobody talked about my deceased niece.....and I wanted to talk about her...I want to reach out to my mom, to tell her it is ok if a sob escapes from her.. Let me tell you something, Tami. Many families are prideful, conservative and quiet in times like this. But being human, we all need to cry and hug one another and talk out the emotions. You can be the one to just grab your mother's hand and start crying and just let out your feelings. Nobody in your family household will hold it against you. In fact, in my heart, I know that everyone in your family is just looking for a reason to let out and talk about their feelings. We *need* to talk about our feelings and let the one's we know that we are hurting and grieving -- while also helping the one's we love to grieve as well. Pain and loss create our greatest strengths in life -- and if we don't share and communicate that strength, we're not reaching out with our love and passion to others. Don't EVER let conformity stop you from just letting our your emotions and expressing them. Life is way too short to debate about the right time or place to grieve when we NEED to grieve. You can be the first one to talk about your loss and let your other family members follow with their memories and thoughts of the deceased. Love, Big Cat.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 It also could be, (reason why the tears haven't come yet) is because she isn't in your everyday life. She lived in Japan.. When I was first told my aunt had died, I didn't cry for a day or two. I felt sad for my mom, and other relatives, cousins, it didn't hit me until closer to the funeral.
Pizzaman81 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I'm sorry about the loss! Sympathy for you and your family
Malenfant Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Grief is surely the most incomprehensible emotion. Its a mixture of the most extreme emotions, anger, hurt, love & confusion. its because of this that makes it so difficult to deal with, and why people handle their own grief in so many different ways. when I experienced grief over a lost one, the thing I found most difficult was that I had no-where to 'put' my grief. Nothing made sense, no answers to be had, nothing that could be resolved. it just swirled in my head and I lost who I was for a while. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss Tami-Chan. Death is the hardest part of life,especially when its someone so young. Things will get better, but it will take a long time. xxxxxxxxx
Meaplus3 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I realize this is a tough time for you.. and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Mea:)
Leia Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Tami-chan, How's your mother doing now? Anyway, I hope this helps. It was started by my cousin and it has helped a few that has lost their loved ones.
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