he hired some private detective checking me out thoroughly 5 years later.

March 2, 2010

He was married but flirted with me. I was naive, stupid and confused.

So I decided to confront him to clear the thing out. He called the police right after our conversation.(Please notice that I have never done or said anything inappropriate). People told me it was rich people's nature to be precaution and paranoid. I was devastating and traumatized for a long time. Of course, I stay away from him as far as I could. It was over, I thought!

About 3 years ago, we accidently met in a public parking lot. He drove his car approaching me slowly. I didn't recognized him. He then opened the driver seat's window, his entire body turned toward me, his hand almost reached me. He stared at me with a sad smile. I was thrilled for a few seconds. But when I thought about the police call, my blood boiled immediately. I waked away and gave him a finger. Never look back again.

Recently, I noticed that he hired some private detective checking me out thoroughly. I was his employee once, hence, he had my every details, including SSN, birthday, driver license #. I have no idea what he's up to. Since he had called the police on me and there was a record of me harassing him, I felt so powerless and vulnerable for been violated my privacy just because he's powerful and rich. What does he want from me? Was it a stalking? How can I protect myself from him? Was it a man thing who like to be in control?

March 2, 2010

Sounds like lines of a cheesy novel.

March 2, 2010

How do you 'notice' he hired a private detective? That doesn't make sense.

March 2, 2010

How do you 'notice' he hired a private detective? That doesn't make sense.

I had a very good relationship with their maid who is still working for them. We met in a supermarket not long ago. She's about my mother's age, I respect and trust her. So as she sees me as her daughter. She asked me if I still contacted with that man and warned me to stay away from him. I was surprised and asked why. She told me, he asked her if she still associated with me, and told her about my recent difficult financial situation. He seemed to be concerned. But how did he get all those personal informations which I wouldn't even told my own mother? Not to mention that I haven't even seen him for many years other than that parking lot incidence.

Edited March 2, 2010 by emilyinla

March 2, 2010

How do you know the maid isn't telling him stuff about you?

Anyway, leave him alone, just go on with your life and ignore him.

Though I have to say, something feels abit 'off' about your situation. You are saying you did absolutely nothing wrong, and he chose to call the cops on you, file a harrassement suit against you for no reason, nothing? If this is the case, then this guy is playing a game with you and it's best to ignore him unless he starts to harrass you, then you call the cops on him.

March 2, 2010

He was married but flirted with me. I was naive, stupid and confused.
So I decided to confront him to clear the thing out. He called the police right after our conversation.(Please notice that I have never done or said anything inappropriate). People told me it was rich people's nature to be precaution and paranoid. I was devastating and traumatized for a long time. Of course, I stay away from him as far as I could. It was over, I thought!

About 3 years ago, we accidently met in a public parking lot. He drove his car approaching me slowly. I didn't recognized him. He then opened the driver seat's window, his entire body turned toward me, his hand almost reached me. He stared at me with a sad smile. I was thrilled for a few seconds. But when I thought about the police call, my blood boiled immediately. I waked away and gave him a finger. Never look back again.

Recently, I noticed that he hired some private detective checking me out thoroughly. I was his employee once, hence, he had my every details, including SSN, birthday, driver license #. I have no idea what he's up to. Since he had called the police on me and there was a record of me harassing him, I felt so powerless and vulnerable for been violated my privacy just because he's powerful and rich. What does he want from me? Was it a stalking? How can I protect myself from him? Was it a man thing who like to be in control?

Emily, that you're posting this in the OW section suggests that you're seeing this as somehow connected to something that went down between you and him, "inappropriate" or otherwise.

Did you harass him? Sure, he made have made a complaint - but it would not have been upheld if, on investigation, it proved not to be harassment.

Similarly, if you're feeling harassed by whatever you feel he might be doing, there's nothing stopping you filing a complaint of harassment against him. Again, the police will decide on its validity on investigation.

If nothing inappropriate happened, why all the subterfuge one way and another? Either there is more to this story than you're telling us - making any comments we make grossly uninformed at best - or at least one of the characters in the story has some degree of delusion. What you have described is not "normal" behaviour.

March 4, 2010

Emily, that you're posting this in the OW section suggests that you're seeing this as somehow connected to something that went down between you and him, "inappropriate" or otherwise.

Did you harass him? Sure, he made have made a complaint - but it would not have been upheld if, on investigation, it proved not to be harassment.

Similarly, if you're feeling harassed by whatever you feel he might be doing, there's nothing stopping you filing a complaint of harassment against him. Again, the police will decide on its validity on investigation.

If nothing inappropriate happened, why all the subterfuge one way and another? Either there is more to this story than you're telling us - making any comments we make grossly uninformed at best - or at least one of the characters in the story has some degree of delusion. What you have described is not "normal" behaviour.

Thank you all for replying my question and sorry for the late reply. I have been busy these couple days. Also thank you for tolerating my English. It wasn't my first language, obviously.

However, I am a little bit concerned about some subjective and assumptive comment. Unless you know me personally, I don't think it's fair for you or anyone to judge or dismay others for no reason. I appreciate anyone who is kind enough to give me some advices and suggestions, but no thanks to any presumptive accusation or bashed. I got the point long ago already!

Yes, there were lots of details I didn't mention cause I didn't think it was necessary. I got over that part already. I simply asked a question about being stalked and violated my privacy by a married man who I had crush on but no longer getting involved with. What does he want from me after 5 long years?

The story?

The couple are both typical narcissist. The wife was too proud to be jealous and she knew it won't work that way.

I had crushed on him was bad. But he was even worse, he was infatuated with me. I was frequently embarrassed by his nonsensical behavior right in front of his family. His parents also knew the entire thing. But nobody said anything to him. Maybe he's too successful to be bashed. They just let him be. I was the one been toyed and teased while I was there. .. I left because I didn't like to be in that situation, even thought I was in love with him and worshiped him in some way. He hated me for leaving him first year. I made another mistake for trying to have closure with him and his wife found it out. That's how the policed called been made.

We all made mistakes. All, including his wife, she should be respond for causing the entire situation. It was a long story! But I was the one being sacrificed to save their relationship. Why? One factor, the husband was so full of promise to be rich and success in the future (and he is almost there now)! They were separated for almost one year after I left. I don’t think It has anything to do with me! If they didn't buy that big old expensive house before recession, they would have divorced already! Enough say!

Anyway, I told you it's a long story. Sorry, I am venting. I felt a bit better now! Thank you all again! I guess I just have to get over it like I did years ago! Anyone who got involved with married man deserved to die in some people's eye anyway! Men, especially rich, successful ones got their way out.

The winner takes it all,

The loser standing small...

Edited March 4, 2010 by emilyinla

March 5, 2010

Thank you all for replying my question and sorry for the late reply. I have been busy these couple days. Also thank you for tolerating my English. It wasn't my first language, obviously.

However, I am a little bit concerned about some subjective and assumptive comment. Unless you know me personally, I don't think it's fair for you or anyone to judge or dismay others for no reason. I appreciate anyone who is kind enough to give me some advices and suggestions, but no thanks to any presumptive accusation or bashed. I got the point long ago already!

Yes, there were lots of details I didn't mention cause I didn't think it was necessary. I got over that part already. I simply asked a question about being stalked and violated my privacy by a married man who I had crush on but no longer getting involved with. What does he want from me after 5 long years?

The story?
The couple are both typical narcissist. The wife was too proud to be jealous and she knew it won't work that way.
I had crushed on him was bad. But he was even worse, he was infatuated with me. I was frequently embarrassed by his nonsensical behavior right in front of his family. His parents also knew the entire thing. But nobody said anything to him. Maybe he's too successful to be bashed. They just let him be. I was the one been toyed and teased while I was there. .. I left because I didn't like to be in that situation, even thought I was in love with him and worshiped him in some way. He hated me for leaving him first year. I made another mistake for trying to have closure with him and his wife found it out. That's how the policed called been made.

We all made mistakes. All, including his wife, she should be respond for causing the entire situation. It was a long story! But I was the one being sacrificed to save their relationship. Why? One factor, the husband was so full of promise to be rich and success in the future (and he is almost there now)! They were separated for almost one year after I left. I don’t think It has anything to do with me! If they didn't buy that big old expensive house before recession, they would have divorced already! Enough say!

Anyway, I told you it's a long story. Sorry, I am venting. I felt a bit better now! Thank you all again! I guess I just have to get over it like I did years ago! Anyone who got involved with married man deserved to die in some people's eye anyway! Men, especially rich, successful ones got their way out.

The winner takes it all,
The loser standing small...

So it is his wife's fault that you were infatuated/obsessed with a married man? How?

Did you check your credit report to see if inquiries had been made? How do you know they were separated for a year after your crush ended? Did you keep tabs on him?

I also don't see how a police report for harassment was made unless it had merit and you were harassing him.

March 5, 2010

The story?
The couple are both typical narcissist. The wife was too proud to be jealous and she knew it won't work that way.
I had crushed on him was bad. But he was even worse, he was infatuated with me. I was frequently embarrassed by his nonsensical behavior right in front of his family. His parents also knew the entire thing. But nobody said anything to him. Maybe he's too successful to be bashed. They just let him be. I was the one been toyed and teased while I was there. .. I left because I didn't like to be in that situation, even thought I was in love with him and worshiped him in some way. He hated me for leaving him first year. I made another mistake for trying to have closure with him and his wife found it out. That's how the policed called been made.

I'd like to hear more about this attempt at "closure". Typically, it means showing up uninvited and unwanted to the MM's home while his family is there and making a scene. Did you do something like this?

You say his W is the one that caused the whole thing. Was it her that called the police or him?

Could it be that you are mistaking the maid's warning as a warning "to" you when its actually "for" you? Maids see a lot in wealthy households. Maybe she sees things differently from you.

March 6, 2010

So it is his wife's fault that you were infatuated/obsessed with a married man? How?

Before I left, He just had his second child. But all he could think about and talk about was me. It upset me cause his behavior embarrassing me and putting me in an awkward situation. His entire family and most of his friends knew that he was gone because he wouldn't shut up.

The wife was too proud to anything to stop him or simply let me go, and she knew the husband would resent her for it. Another reason she won't let me go probably because she could keep an close eye on both her husband and I If I stayed there! I felt like a bird in the cage and the entire situation drove me insane. She was devastating when I insisted to leave.

She seemed nice to me, but she watched me like a hawk all the time. Therefore, I wouldn't and couldn't have done anything wrongfully. She got an Ivy-league degree, the top one, and worked in Wall Street for 10 years. So you can see, there's no way I could out play her. In additional, I had to stay there not because of the man, but because I was indeed having money issue. I needed that job or I would be on the street within a month.

I also don't see how a police report for harassment was made unless it had merit and you were harassing him.

We are in L.A. LAPD are infamous for their… well, you know. I'm a poor foreigner. They are rich and successful living in the rich area of town. So you can see, other minorities in L.A. would know it's not something impossible if the rich people wanting something done! I can assure you that they JUST DID! MY WORD!

I'd like to hear more about this attempt at "closure". Typically, it means showing up uoninvited and unwanted to the MM's home while his family is there and making a scene. Did you do something like this?

You say his W is the one that caused the whole thing. Was it her that called the police or him?

It was my delusion to think that he was still into me after I left them (quitted the job). I tried to move on but couldn't. I thought I need a closure with him. My leaving was unexpected and all the suddenly. He was still kind of infatuated with me the day I left.

All I did was talking to him! He rejected me verbally AT BEGINNING, but his body language said yes to me! He could have just walked away, but he didn't, instead, he stood there and stared at me, looked into my eyes all the time. He never looked away the moment he saw me. He even laughed at one point! He seemed unable to walk away from me. Hence, I thought it was OK to talk with him until his wife called and rushed over screaming at me in public.

I read the report, both man and wife's name were on. But the man never directly contacted with officer who did the report and was never there. The man did warn me not to contact with him "AGAIN" before we started talking.

Edited March 6, 2010 by emilyinla

March 8, 2010

So it is his wife's fault that you were infatuated/obsessed with a married man? How?

Did you check your credit report to see if inquiries had been made? How do you know they were separated for a year after your crush ended? Did you keep tabs on him?

I also don't see how a police report for harassment was made unless it had merit and you were harassing him.

Anyone can make a report of harrassment. it doesn't have to be proven until court in front of a judge. I know this first hand, as my exH's new thing (I can call her mean names cause she was my husband's brother's wife, and supposedly my best friend all while sexing up my now exH. Honestly I could care less that they were screwing, it was that she was taking my "secrets" **like the fact that I was planning to escape him** back to him behind my back) filed a harrassment report against me, after I returned my exH's call to me that he made from her cell phone.

In fact, I still have the warrant out for my arrest in my old state.. LOL. I tried to clear it up from my new state, but was told the only things I could do was plead guilty by phone and pay a fine, or come back to fight it. Instead I told them if they want me that badly over some silly jealous woman's lie they could come and get me, and gave them my address. LOL. The court officer laughed, and told me to have a nice life. She said that 90 percent of all harrassments reported are ex's trying to "get even" with each other.

March 9, 2010

... I know this first hand, as my exH's new thing (I can call her mean names cause she was my husband's brother's wife, and supposedly my best friend all while sexing up my now exH...

Not meaning to pick on you FA but is it suddenly acceptable to call an OW a "thing" on this forum? Or is it only OK when the person calling the OW rude names is an OW in an ongoing affair herself?

I'm sure if I were to suggest such a thing (no pun intended) about my H's exOW that I would be reported by the usual suspects.

Yes it was despicable for your ex SIL to participate in your betrayal this way, but is it really any worse than what you or any OW is doing or what your MM is doing to his wife? The details may change but ultimately it's all about feeling entitled to intrude on someones else's marriage.

March 9, 2010

Anyone can make a report of harrassment. it doesn't have to be proven until court in front of a judge.

This is very sad and more than a little scary. I would have thought the US would subscribe to "innocent until proven guilty", as is the norm in civilised countries.

I know that if I - in my home country, or here - file a report at a police station, it remains just that - a report. Untested, untried, until investigated and - in the presence of sufficient evidence to warrant prosecution - tested in court.

Emily - it sounds from your description that you were in the employ of this man in some or other capacity. His harassment of you then is all the more serious as he holds a position of power over you as a former employer. I would report this to the police - if, as FA suggests, any old report holds weight, then you'd want your report against him on the record, to counter-balance his report of harassment against you. I'm not sure if you have legal aid in the US, but if not perhaps there is some community organisation that can help you.

May 31, 2010

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he hired some private detective checking me out thoroughly 5 years later.

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