mimidarlin Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 So the STBX just broke the news that he is sure he wants a divorce. I'm not surprised but my heart is broken. I am not sure how I am going to handle all of this. I don't want this to happen but I want to be happy again. I deserve to be happy again and be treated with respect. I've mentioned to him that sometimes I wanted to hall off and punch him several times. I'm so angry and hurt. I want to hurt him. He actually asked me if I wanted to do it. I should have taken him up the on the offer. I was worried about my health though. This on top of having an ovarian cyst that sent me to the emergency room on Saturday. The last one I had put me in the hospital for a week and I lost the other ovary. I want to scream at the top of my f***ing lungs.
carhill Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Sorry to hear about the cyst. Whenever I have a gallbladder attack (pain is purportedly similar and lasts for hours), I remind myself that, when I was married, I got little empathy and I'm better off being alone to suffer. The cat sticks by me. Spent last night on the floor. Hopefully, you'll find some peace and a respite from the pain, both physical and emotional. Divorce isn't so bad once you resign yourself to the process. It's just stuff and details. Best wishes for a full recovery on all counts
Author mimidarlin Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Thanks for the well wishes. At least he does have sympathy. He took me to the emergency room and did grocery shopping because I am on pain meds so I can't drive under the influence. I don't want to rely on him so much and I am trying to think of an alternative. He's still my husband and my emergency contact. He's the best one I have right now. I have friends but it's difficult to impose on them. Everyone at work knows my situation husband and health wise. So I'm certain to be taken to the right hospital if it ruptures.
carhill Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I would suggest developing a couple close friends (or enlisting current ones) to 'be there' for you (and vice versa) in such times. My best friend and his wife are like that for me. They know I don't ask for much and are there if the need arises and are proactive. 'Do you need someone to take you to the doctor?' 'Get your ass to the doctor' Glad to hear your H still has sympathy. IMO, there's no need to lose one's humanity just because one is divorcing. Hope you feel better soon
LisaUk Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Oh Mim, so sorry to hear this, I was routing for you to get through and reconcile. As for the health worries, I am sure a friend will be happy to be your emergency contact and also drive you/help you when needs be, I know I would. Keep posting.
Author mimidarlin Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Thanks Lisa, I live so far away from my family (three day drive). He's an immigrant but his family lives here. I've been close to his family and I do have friends. Most of them have families and I have this deep need to not impose myself on people. I don't want to be an inconvenience. I will start reaching out to some people in his family who say they are here for me. They don't believe in divorce but know they can't stop him. The reason they are offering to talk, go out and just generally be there is because they like me. Maybe it's has a little to do with being a giver as well. I help everyone whenever I am able to. I will go out of my way to provide assistance. It feels good to be needed but I can't bear to see someone in need and not offer help if I am able. So maybe some of the "karma" I have put out into the world is coming back to me in a positive way. His aunts are just a few years older than I am so we've always gotten along. Both of them married into the family so maybe they feel the freedom to offer support to me. I will keep him as an emergency contact but add them. I know that I need to see less of him. I love him and it's breaking my heart. Seeing him just brings that pain back. I wonder how he will feel if I go completely NC?
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