thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Ex gf, broke up said she didn't love me anymore and such, but it just seems odd because just a week ago, she said I loved you, kissed me with a lot of compassion and such. It just feels like she does still love me, but we both don't have enough time for each other we go to different colleges, and we both have jobs, and we would only have once a week or so to see each other. She said that " I don't want to hurt you anymore, its just hard because I can't always be there for you and know that I can't see you sometimes and I don't want to hurt you anymore, I want you to be happy and I want to be happy. This is the best for the both of us." Then she went on to say that she does not love me anymore. But how I am the type of guy she would like to settle down with, that I am a great looking guy and such, and a great guy and such. It feels like she still deep down inside likes me, but is emotionally strained, and that she wants to experience life right now ... I don't know I have another thread posted which explains a bit of other issues our relationship had. Also just a week ago she was trying to kiss me compassionately but I was sick so I pulled away from her, but I tried to act like I was playing, then walked away and vomited, she brought me to the hospital, and well she wrote me a very nice text the next morning saying that she loved me very much, and that she hoped that I was ok. But then during the week she was quite and such, then she broke up with me this past weekend. opinions would be nice.
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Simply put, she wants some strange. Women (and men, I suppose) crave the chemical feelings of a new relationship. When one relationship has run its course, regardless of whether that partner would be a great husband and life partner, it is time for them to jump ship and find someone new to experience the honeymoon phase with. However, as they get older, they realize they are less competitive in the dating world and settle on the next guy who is willing to take them. Then they do nothing but complain about how miserable they are that they can't find the good men...when all along they tossed those good men aside because they got "bored" and wanted to experience something new. Simply put, she wants some strange.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 What do you mean "She wants some strange"? Well she wants me to be her friend during this time. She said that she just does not love me anymore, and two days before we broke up she said "When you hold me in your arms, I remember all the bad I did to you before", she broke up with me before, I had forgiven her and said I still like you, and she said she still liked me, so I was like lets give it a shot, I think we can make this work.
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 What do you mean "She wants some strange"? She wants some new weiner. Well she wants me to be her friend during this time. For the love of god, don't be her friend. If she can't have you as a boyfriend, then she doesn't deserve to have you as a friend. It's as simple and clearcut as that. Next.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Ok, thanks for that, but no its not her, she has changed a bit, but no its not her style of person, she will only have sex with someone she loves, she does not just go out and have sex. Sorry I will defend her, I do care for her, and I do know her better then most people. Being her friend, is something which I have not decided on what I am going to do, she told me that me and her should get some friends together, and go on a trip over the summer with them. It feels like she is just putting me off to the side right now, because she wants to go do different things. The thing is, you never know what will happen, maybe in a month she will turn around and say I made a mistake, but for me, personally I would just tell her that I need time, I honestly do if I am to get back with her it will be years from now, once she has settled down as a person and found who she is.
vayne417 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 being friends is hard you have to be ready to see her with someone else. and yes it will happen. just be ready it can be a nice swift kick in the you know where if your not ready you can either bring more pain to the situation or get over it faster. good luck whatever your do..
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 She said she does not love me, she also said that when I held her in her arms (2 days prior to the break up) she remembered all the bad that she had done to me, and she remembers how much she had hurt the first time she broke my heart. I just think that she has either not let go of the past, she has not 'moved on'.
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Ok, thanks for that, but no its not her, she has changed a bit, but no its not her style of person, she will only have sex with someone she loves, she does not just go out and have sex. Sorry I will defend her, I do care for her, and I do know her better then most people. Ah...yes, you believe your ex is someone special...an exception to the rule...but alas, my young padawan, she is still human...in that case, she will most likely find someone new to "love" sooner than you think...and unfortunately, you will be totally blindsided by this and not believe she could do that to you...and then you'll come back to LS and everyone will say, "I told you so..." Being her friend, is something which I have not decided on what I am going to do, she told me that me and her should get some friends together, and go on a trip over the summer with them. It feels like she is just putting me off to the side right now, because she wants to go do different things. The thing is, you never know what will happen, maybe in a month she will turn around and say I made a mistake, but for me, personally I would just tell her that I need time, I honestly do if I am to get back with her it will be years from now, once she has settled down as a person and found who she is. Here's an easy test to determine whether you can be "friends" with her. If you are 100% ok with talking to her about the new guy she's "in love" who is banging her mercilessly, then you two can be friends forever...so let's apply this test to your situation: If you go on a trip this summer with them, will you be cool with her bringing along the new love of her life and getting to hear them giggity giggity in the room next door? Bottom line, don't hang on for hope that she'll come back. You're not doing yourself any favors by doing so. You seem to think you have it all figured out, but honestly, you still haven't got a clue...and that's ok, we've all been where you are now...in time, you'll understand...
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 She said she does not love me, she also said that when I held her in her arms (2 days prior to the break up) she remembered all the bad that she had done to me, and she remembers how much she had hurt the first time she broke my heart. I just think that she has either not let go of the past, she has not 'moved on'. No, this means she is ready to let go of the past and move on. You don't want someone to stick around just because they are afraid of hurting you when they leave. Who gives a crap how they feel if they decide to leave you? Just worry about you.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 vayne417 ... Thank you, Yes I know to well the pain of being an ex friend and seeing them with another guy. That is why I am taking my time, and until I am ready to be her friend, I will be there to help her ... but only if she calls ... because I don't want to go and see her in person and maybe in the near future she has found a new guy, I don't want to see her with another guy.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 USMCHokie ... I just need to say I am not hopping she will come back, I just want her to say these words "I am sorry". Honestly she is a great girl, but there are flaws which I just can't accept at the moment, they are to great of a flaw to accept. I will just take things as they happen, I don't know what will happen, maybe we will get back together, maybe not, I just need to go out and live my life. I just needed to vent because it happened today, but I realize that this is for the best for the both of us. I know there is probably a guy who is trying to get her, and that he is ready now to swoop in and get her. I don't know I can just sit here and wonder, but I will just keep pushing forward with life. What ever happens, happens. I can only control myself, my future, and what I have. Her choice, I have a lot to offer people, and well for Ms. Right she will be happy.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Honestly, I do care for her, she is a great girl, but again our lives are separate again. I can't do anything to change her mind, but to be me and who I am, to get my career started. I know if I want to try it again with her in the future, then I can go and try, but again it will have to be in the future. That will atleast 2-4 years from now, I will have changed, she will have changed, everything will have changed.
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Honestly, I do care for her, she is a great girl, but again our lives are separate again. I can't do anything to change her mind, but to be me and who I am, to get my career started. I know if I want to try it again with her in the future, then I can go and try, but again it will have to be in the future. That will atleast 2-4 years from now, I will have changed, she will have changed, everything will have changed. Ok, it seems you're moving in the right direction and recognizing that the two of you lead separate lives now...but you're sabotaging yourself by even thinking that this day will come, x number of years down the line, when you'd like to try again...it is NOT a good idea to have in the back of your mind... I was in the same exact shoes as you...I knew my ex was a great girl that just needed some time to get her sh*t together in life...it was just bad timing between the two of us...and it was a good thing we broke up...and like you, I spent a few months thinking about that day in the distant future when we might want to try again...until I pulled my head out of my ass and realized that I shouldn't care whether that day comes...because it won't. Live your life for YOU, not for a chance at being with your ex again...which is what it seems like you're doing...but until you let go of that "future" in your mind, you won't truly start healing and moving on... And whatever you do, don't hang around and be her friend in hopes that things might work out some day...life doesn't work like that, and neither should you...
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I know I am heading towards the right direction. But again please may i remind you it was today which she broke up with me. It will take me time, I have to say will I discount her if she comes back in the future, no, but we would have to start off fresh. Again, this is how I feel 2 -4 years from now, I don't know how I will honestly feel about her then. I know probably I will be over her completely, have moved on, gotten a new girl and lived my life. And she will have done the same, found a new guy and such. I am not the type of person to be F*** you for what you have done, if there is logic and reason behind it which is understandable then I can not be mad at you. She left me for her reason, I will just assume a few things of why she left, but I need my time my space, she needs her time her space. And again I am semi-happy with it because she was just not stable enough for me as a gf. If she was a bit more stable, then yes we probably would have worked, but its what she wants to do. I can not control her, but I can only control myself, and what I need want and get in life.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I will not discount her ... sorry my eye sight is bad right now
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 *Sigh* ... I know that in the future she will be with another guy, I won't really wait for her. If she doesn't love me anymore, I cant force her to love me. I just found really odd how someone one week can love you and want to be with you and think you are the perfect guy, and then the next week just stop loving you ... it stung when she said it. Im still just amazed on the turn around.
drew86 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 USMChokie, I wish I had read your posts here when I was going through last breakup. Brutally honest. For me, being a pussy about it fixed nothing. If I had just been an alpha male I would at least feel better about myself knowing I always kept my dignity instead of trying as hard as I did to make it work. I just didn't want to believe my ex found somebody else (especially when she literally promised me that she hadn't...lol). So I played along, being the sympathetic ear, unknowingly counseling her through the breakup and into her new relationship. That's what I got for being her "friend". Next time I will be smarter. thatguy100, good luck man. I know how hard what you're going through is, trust me. Keep your chin up.
drew86 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I just found really odd how someone one week can love you and want to be with you and think you are the perfect guy, and then the next week just stop loving you ... it stung when she said it. Im still just amazed on the turn around. Just a warning here from my own personal experience: My ex came to visit me while I moved back to school and we spent an amazing week together. Great sex, great conversations, etc. She literally said "you're the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with". Fast forward 2 weeks. She breaks up with me and starts to treat me with cold indifference. In the end, there was a new guy. I didn't want to believe it when I found out... she spent months after the break up telling me the same things like "I love you, I just need to figure stuff out". I just wish I had stood up for myself from the start
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 USMChokie, I wish I had read your posts here when I was going through last breakup. Brutally honest. I appreciate that. But like you, I went through all the motions before I found LS...I made all the mistakes, all the begging, all the pleading, all the un-manly behavior...but I always say, if I had to go back and do it over again, I'd make every single mistake again...because it's how we learn to be better people...and I encourage people to live and learn...but sometimes there's no sense in hiding the ball...
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I just think people on here are pretty harsh, I have to say she is different or atleast the girl I feel in love with would never do those things. I know her better then anybody, but again I know you are giving me warnings. Just like everybody else has done, and well I was wrong, I expected one thing and got another. Sigh ... she says thanks for being so understanding ... its true nice guy's do finish last ... I am here with nothing ... I might have just blown a chance to be with her when she was more settled as a person, she will change like we all do when we get older. But i know that she probably wont be the person i want to be with ... she does not love me, why do i feel like forrest gump?
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I just think people on here are pretty harsh, I have to say she is different or atleast the girl I feel in love with would never do those things. I know her better then anybody, but again I know you are giving me warnings. Just like everybody else has done, and well I was wrong, I expected one thing and got another. I'm glad you said this...because I think you came here hoping to get some sunshine blown up your ass...and there are some people who will do that for you...they will tell you that if you hold onto hope, she'll come back to you like they do in the movies...but that's not real life...and that's not what I do...the truth hurts...but in the end, you'll be glad... Of course the girl you fell in love with would never do the things she's doing now...but guess what...she isn't the girl you fell in love with anymore...that girl is gone...she is someone new now, and she will continue to change...and in the future, you won't even know if she's someone you'd want to be with...so why the heck would you think about it now...? Sigh ... she says thanks for being so understanding ... its true nice guy's do finish last ... I am here with nothing ... I might have just blown a chance to be with her when she was more settled as a person, she will change like we all do when we get older. But i know that she probably wont be the person i want to be with ... she does not love me, why do i feel like forrest gump? Because you miss the relationship...you miss the happy lovey dovey feelings of being with someone...and you associate that happiness with your ex...so you feel that no one can provide that happiness to you except her...
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I agree with you, it was not till this morning did I realize. There is nothing I can do to get her back, that these emotions that I feel for her are just of who she was, not who she is. That girl of who she was has gone, and most likely will never return. The only thing I can/will do is just improve myself, learn from this experience, and take life as it comes towards me, and live it to the fullest.
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