nowomanocry Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Dave made mistake number 1 by driving you home; he should have been gentlemanly by letting you take the bus. He's also waaaay nicer than me. If I invite a woman upstairs to my place, she brushes off my advances, then I'd kick her outta my apt. I'd never even consider letting her sleep over. If she needs some place to rest then I'd suggest the Super 8. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but this is how Dave should have acted. Nothing to add to that, sums it all up.. That wot I would do as well I think Dave had a go but either lacked experience or simply didn't have the balls.. Poor fella lmao All the above of course valid if Dave and xx are not old friends but just met somewhere at night ;)
ADF Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I don't understand what's wrong with cuddling? Isn't it harmless? I wasn't trying to be manipulative, we were in his bed watching a comedy show on his computer. It isn't harmless. When a man desires you--and he surely does--it is sheer torture to allow him intimiate physical contact but deprive him of sex. Sheer torture. Granted, he ought to know better than to put himself in such a situation. But so should you.
nowomanocry Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 It isn't harmless. When a man desires you--and he surely does--it is sheer torture to allow him intimiate physical contact but deprive him of sex. Sheer torture. Granted, he ought to know better than to put himself in such a situation. But so should you. That sounds a bit pathetic for Dave lol - do not think he is that desperate. But a bit lacking experience.. Every wise man always has a Plan B - while there are so many fish lol
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 It isn't harmless. When a man desires you--and he surely does--it is sheer torture to allow him intimiate physical contact but deprive him of sex. Sheer torture. Granted, he ought to know better than to put himself in such a situation. But so should you. That's just weird then. I have on more than one occasion snuggled with male friends and now of them ever complained that I was " torturing" them.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 That sounds a bit pathetic for Dave lol - do not think he is that desperate. But a bit lacking experience.. Every wise man always has a Plan B - while there are so many fish lol He wasn't desperate. I should have made it clear I didn't want to hook up with him. I only wanted to go out for a bit and get home. I told him I had to get home early, and he was supposed to give me a ride. Then we fell asleep.
sugarmomma Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Why are you trying to explain yourself to a bunch of guys. You were not obligated to have sex and if he didn't want to cuddle he could have gotten on the couch or something. Don't apologize for your decision. You don't owe this guy anything and you didn't tease him. Plenty of people cuddle without having sex. These guys just have coochie on the brain. lol
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I just dumped a girl for inviting me over for a booty call and then just 'cuddling' in bed. Of course hers was explicit: "I'm drunk and want to have sex." Then when I drive all the way over she cuddles with me and falls asleep. I bailed, told her never again. The OP can do whatever she likes, but if she complains when guys leave her for what she's done, everyone will just roll their eyes. That's karma!
make me believe Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Frankly, I think your behavior was manipulative and rude. No, you aren't obligated to have sex with anyone. But if you're not going to have sex with him, for Christ's sake don't cuddle in bed with the man. You're sending terribly mixed signals. Whatever you want, at least be clear about it. I have to agree with this!! My boyfriend did similar things when we first started dating. He'd kiss me (I don't know if you made out with this guy though, papercut), cuddle with me, and have me sleep over.....but he wouldn't have sex with me!!! It was SO confusing and I thought he must not be attracted to me/interested in me romantically. Really, he just wanted to wait until we became exclusive, but it would have been much better for me if he'd cut out the kissing/cuddling stuff in the meantime. The mixed signals were NOT cool.
nowomanocry Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Why are you trying to explain yourself to a bunch of guys. You were not obligated to have sex and if he didn't want to cuddle he could have gotten on the couch or something. Don't apologize for your decision. You don't owe this guy anything and you didn't tease him. Plenty of people cuddle without having sex. These guys just have coochie on the brain. lol She owes him a night's accommodation and a cab fare lol & woteva
nowomanocry Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Frankly, I think your behavior was manipulative and rude. No, you aren't obligated to have sex with anyone. But if you're not going to have sex with him, for Christ's sake don't cuddle in bed with the man. You're sending terribly mixed signals. Whatever you want, at least be clear about it. So agree ... But you see xxppaper clearly stated she couldn't have taken the couch / floor lmao
threebyfate Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Clear signals are always best. If you don't want to get into a sexual situation with a guy, don't get yourself into a sexual situation with him. It's honestly that simple and anything else is just a lame excuse.
St. Nick Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I don't understand what's wrong with cuddling? Isn't it harmless? I wasn't trying to be manipulative, we were in his bed watching a comedy show on his computer. Cuddling is a form of teasing that turns most guys off if it's not followed by sex. It's like this: imagine setting a delicious cake in front of a hungry man and saying, "You can lick the frosting, but you can't eat the cake". Wouldn't you consider that manipulative? The guy is hungry for the whole cake, just giving him frosting isn't going to satisfy him. It's going to torture him to have a taste but not the whole thing. Get it now? And I agree with nowomanocry. Dave is lacking experience and probably thinks he's doing right. Too bad he's doing everything wrong.
ADF Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 That's just weird then. I have on more than one occasion snuggled with male friends and now of them ever complained that I was " torturing" them. It isn't weird. You may not have been "torturing" the male friends you snuggled with, but you can bet your bottom dollar they were aroused by it. Frankly--and I don't mean this as an insult--you seem a little naive about the male psyche. Here's something you need to consider: men, especially younger men, almost never go out of their way to befriend women they are not attracted to. Almost never. Chances are your male friends--every last one of them--would like to sleep with you, given the right circumstances. That doesn't mean that they don't really like you or anything. It just means that they sought out your friendship, at least in part, because they hoped it could lead somewhere. When you blur the line between platonic friendship and romance by physical contact, you can end up sending very mixed signals. That's all I'm saying.
Avarage Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Why are you trying to explain yourself to a bunch of guys. You were not obligated to have sex and if he didn't want to cuddle he could have gotten on the couch or something. Don't apologize for your decision. You don't owe this guy anything and you didn't tease him. Plenty of people cuddle without having sex. These guys just have coochie on the brain. lol This is exactly right. Who does this man think he is! He should have slept on his couch in his apartment! Us men thinking we should have the bed in our own place? Preposterous! On a more serious note I do think it was unfair to cuddle after having had sex before. In my book that is strong mixed messeges as to whether or not the woman is into me. I would assume that she is going to friendzone me and start distancing myself to end it.
Star Gazer Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Clear signals are always best. If you don't want to get into a sexual situation with a guy, don't get yourself into a sexual situation with him. It's honestly that simple and anything else is just a lame excuse. Agreed. And IMO, a "sexual situation" means getting in bed with him - under any circumstances.
Avarage Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 (edited) meant to edit not repost. Edited March 3, 2010 by Avarage
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 This is exactly right. Who does this man think he is! He should have slept on his couch in his apartment! Us men thinking we should have the bed in our own place? Preposterous! On a more serious note I do think it was unfair to cuddle after having had sex before. In my book that is strong mixed messeges as to whether or not the woman is into me. I would assume that she is going to friendzone me and start distancing myself to end it. LOl... the whole sex thing just had to be gotten out of the way I guess. I had sex because I wanted to have sex, but it wasn't like ah okay, I think we should have a relationship after this. Speaking of the friendzone, I feel like I'm about to friendzone him. I want to get him more but he doesn't really want to open up.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 Agreed. And IMO, a "sexual situation" means getting in bed with him - under any circumstances. He moved into his place a month ago, there weren't any other furnitures aside from his bed. I really didn't mean to tease him. I could have stayed on one side of the bed an be fine with it. But he had to wrap his arms around me.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 It isn't weird. You may not have been "torturing" the male friends you snuggled with, but you can bet your bottom dollar they were aroused by it. Frankly--and I don't mean this as an insult--you seem a little naive about the male psyche. Here's something you need to consider: men, especially younger men, almost never go out of their way to befriend women they are not attracted to. Almost never. Chances are your male friends--every last one of them--would like to sleep with you, given the right circumstances. That doesn't mean that they don't really like you or anything. It just means that they sought out your friendship, at least in part, because they hoped it could lead somewhere. When you blur the line between platonic friendship and romance by physical contact, you can end up sending very mixed signals. That's all I'm saying. See that's the weird thing, I really don't have that many guy friends, and the few I have, I noticed they were in fact attracted to me, so yes, I am slightly naive. I mean I always moved at my own pace- I befriend guys if I want to be their friends, but I definitely make it clear to a guy if I want to date him.
callingyouuu Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I want to get him more but he doesn't really want to open up. This is how humans naturally respond to mixed signals. He's not sure what you're thinking, so how can he really feel comfortable opening up?
zicke Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Dave made mistake number 1 by driving you home; he should have been gentlemanly by letting you take the bus. He's also waaaay nicer than me. If I invite a woman upstairs to my place, she brushes off my advances, then I'd kick her outta my apt. I'd never even consider letting her sleep over. If she needs some place to rest then I'd suggest the Super 8. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but this is how Dave should have acted. I'm SURE that's exactly what you would do. Stud.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 This is how humans naturally respond to mixed signals. He's not sure what you're thinking, so how can he really feel comfortable opening up? I was not in any way sending out mixed signals. We've been out to dinner for more than 3 times ( some he paid, some we went dutch on, and one where I treated) and I asked him questions about his parents, his family, his work, his plans. I was taking the effort to get to know him more. But he has nothing to ask me, so I have nothing to tell him. He's really boring me.
alphamale Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 He's really boring me. then maybe you should jettison his ass xpaperxcutx
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 then maybe you should jettison his ass xpaperxcutx That. I've been thinking about sending him a text saying something like " Hey, Dave I don't think we should hang out anymore. You're probably looking for a booty call; me, not so much. If anything I hope we can be friends, I think you're pretty chill as far as your personality goes, but I'm not looking for a f- buddy. Have a good day""
alphamale Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I've been thinking about sending him a text saying something like " Hey, Dave I don't think we should hang out anymore. You're probably looking for a booty call; me, not so much. If anything I hope we can be friends, I think you're pretty chill as far as your personality goes, but I'm not looking for a f- buddy. Have a good day"" yes, a text message like that is the way to go here
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