xpaperxcutx Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I saw Dave ( the guy who drove me home at 3 in the morning) last night, and stayed over at his place. I'm actually surprised at myself that I did not have sex with him especially since when a guy usually invites me back to his place, the next step would be getting wild in bed. Of course I took the advice of one of my friends and brushed away his hands whenever he tried to do something. I tried distracting him with cookies and the internet, and ultimately we just ended up snuggling and going to bed. I'm actually proud of myself since considering my history with guys, this is the actual first time I ever given a guy blue balls. Yes, sex is great, but I also realize that it's also good to wait. I'm not romantically involved with Dave but he's so nice to me that I'm willing to see where things go with him. If he's willing to wait, would that make him a keeper? I'm trying to avoid the pitfalls of being viewed as slutty or easy, and after what happened last night, it's now so much easier to say no.
marsle85 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Good for you! I'm really happy with your choice. He's a keeper if he treats you well and you're HAPPY, girl! Make sure he knows you're not trying to tease him. Tell him you want to take things slow and see more of him before getting physical. His response will guage what kind of guy he is.
St. Nick Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Dave made mistake number 1 by driving you home; he should have been gentlemanly by letting you take the bus. He's also waaaay nicer than me. If I invite a woman upstairs to my place, she brushes off my advances, then I'd kick her outta my apt. I'd never even consider letting her sleep over. If she needs some place to rest then I'd suggest the Super 8. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but this is how Dave should have acted.
Fouts Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 It's nice to know that you can show restraint Unfortunately though it makes no difference how us men view you, or how a potential relationship will work out.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I'm not romantically involved with Dave ... what are you doing in his bed then?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 what are you doing in his bed then? Sleeping. I couldn't sleep on the floor.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Sleeping. I couldn't sleep on the floor. so basically he is "nice guy" that you will friendzone?
TouchedByViolet Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 so basically he is "nice guy" that you will friendzone? HAHAHA that is exactly what I thought. xpaperxcutx do you honestly like this guy and think he could become a bf? I got the feeling you were not into him enough to have sex. Not that you changed your ways. If you have changed your ways then power to you.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 so basically he is "nice guy" that you will friendzone? Come to think of it, no. Actually I like him enough to not want to **** him and get bored of him. I have never actually ever friendzoned anyone I've slept with afterwards. In fact I would friendzone them and not want to sleep with them. So Dave is actually getting a good deal, I had slept with him previously, and I'm still going to make him wait.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 HAHAHA that is exactly what I thought. xpaperxcutx do you honestly like this guy and think he could become a bf? I got the feeling you were not into him enough to have sex. Not that you changed your ways. If you have changed your ways then power to you. It's still too early to think of him as bf material, but in the meantime he's reliable as a friend that I haven't officially friendzoned. I'm into him, but I don't want to jump into bed with him.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I'm into him, but I don't want to jump into bed with him. you must be growing up xpaperxcutx
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 you must be growing up xpaperxcutx You and your sarcasms.
Kamille Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I'm glad you tested out a boundary and found it liberating. The next step is not to put yourself in a situation where you have to push a man's hands off a you, out of respect for him.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 xpaperxcutc some of your comments are red flags in my book Actually I like him enough to not want to **** him and get bored of him. Why would having sex with someone make them boring? Sex amplifies relationships, it doesn't lessen them It's still too early to think of him as bf material, but in the meantime he's reliable as a friend that I haven't officially friendzoned. If you have sex with him do you think he will leave?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 xpaperxcutc some of your comments are red flags in my book Why would having sex with someone make them boring? Sex amplifies relationships, it doesn't lessen them Except he and I are not in a relationship, hence sex would not amplify anything except relegate our positions to f- buddies, which is something I don't want. If you have sex with him do you think he will leave? Actually the question is if I don't have sex with him, will he still stay? I've been in enough situations where the guy leaves to know sex will never really make them stay. So the real obstacle is will he stay just because of me and not because of sex?
TouchedByViolet Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 So the real obstacle is will he stay just because of me and not because of sex? That is a good question. The reason people wait to have sex with someone is to see if they are both compatible, reciprocating feelings, and happy, which means they wouldn't be worried about someone leaving. If you are worried someone will leave then you shouldn't be having sex.
Star Gazer Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 If you are worried someone will leave then you shouldn't be having sex. Yup. And it goes without saying that you shouldn't be having sex to make them stay...
Hot Carl Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 FYI, Star. One thing I've always liked about you is that you're so easy. My kind of girl.
ADF Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Frankly, I think your behavior was manipulative and rude. No, you aren't obligated to have sex with anyone. But if you're not going to have sex with him, for Christ's sake don't cuddle in bed with the man. You're sending terribly mixed signals. Whatever you want, at least be clear about it.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 That is a good question. The reason people wait to have sex with someone is to see if they are both compatible, reciprocating feelings, and happy, which means they wouldn't be worried about someone leaving. If you are worried someone will leave then you shouldn't be having sex. Which was why I didn't have sex.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Frankly, I think your behavior was manipulative and rude. No, you aren't obligated to have sex with anyone. But if you're not going to have sex with him, for Christ's sake don't cuddle in bed with the man. You're sending terribly mixed signals. Whatever you want, at least be clear about it. I don't understand what's wrong with cuddling? Isn't it harmless? I wasn't trying to be manipulative, we were in his bed watching a comedy show on his computer.
boogieboy Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I don't understand what's wrong with cuddling? Isn't it harmless? I wasn't trying to be manipulative, we were in his bed watching a comedy show on his computer. It is his fault to put you in his bed and try to have sex with you. He should be making you wait really. But no, making him wait for sex will only make him resent you, and it wont make him like you more or respect you as a person. I have a feeling he will keep tryin to have sex with you, and then when he does you wont hear from again...since he has had sex with you before. He might just think of you as a sex buddy.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 It is his fault to put you in his bed and try to have sex with you. He should be making you wait really. But no, making him wait for sex will only make him resent you, and it wont make him like you more or respect you as a person. I have a feeling he will keep tryin to have sex with you, and then when he does you wont hear from again...since he has had sex with you before. He might just think of you as a sex buddy. I think it was mostly my fault, I shouldn't have gone home with him. I had wanted to get home by 2 but by the time I got to his place in Brooklyn after dinner, I had already wanted to crash
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