SomewhatExperienced Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'm a 23 year old guy. I've had several girlfriends and haven't had as much dating experience as some, but more than most I know. I was just reading a thread and it seems that people kinda expect that on dates 2-4 are the dates too have sex. I've had sex on the first date, with a girl who became a girlfriend and always regretted not waiting longer. The next girl who became my girlfriend, we decided to wait for sex (it was probably a couple months before we did) and that was a good experience for me. It's not that I don't feel "ready", I just feel when people have sex so early after meeting eachother its like eating dessert before you have your meal. There's so many intermediary steps between meeting and sealing the deal (first kiss, hot make out session, oral, etc..) that make the journey so much more fun. The tension and desire grows and when you finally have sex its great. Plus, sex I better with someone you actually have grown to care about (to some extent at least). Is this weird? Comments. Would this annoy some girls?
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Hey, whatever floats your boat. There's no right or wrong, just compatible and incompatible. Would this annoy some girls? As you age, you'll realize that no matter what you do, some people will love it and some people will hate it.
Bejita463 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 You're doing things the way I do them. Know what I've yet to hear? "I hate that you are spending time getting to know me before trying to get in my pants." I've been told a lot of negative things (some of them fairly recent, actually) but that has never been among them, nor has it ever even been suggested.
carhill Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'm a guy who waits for sex. Is this weird? Weird? No. Outlier? Probably. Also, relevance....what does 'wait' mean. That could be 24 hours, 24 days or 24 months, for example. My norm was 2-3 months with someone whom I didn't know and I don't see that changing any time soon. Does that eliminate some potentials? Sure. Healthy relationships are about compatibility, communication and mutual interest. Don't short-change yourself
St. Nick Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Just so you know, while you're waiting 2-3 months to bang her, she might be hitting some other dude on the side. Just because she waits two months to have sex with you, doesn't mean she's waiting two months to have sex period.
carhill Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 (edited) Just so you know, while you're waiting 2-3 months to bang her, she might be hitting some other dude on the side. Just because she waits two months to have sex with you, doesn't mean she's waiting two months to have sex period. At 50, I really don't care. I've learned that time reveals all truths about women. I can see as many women as I choose to and enjoy all of them Also, even if 'banging' her, and even if 'married to' her, she can still be banging some other guy. Got another example of that this past weekend. Women love to talk. Life goes on. Edited March 1, 2010 by carhill
Author SomewhatExperienced Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Also, relevance....what does 'wait' mean. I suppose I should clarify. Wait for means, means as long as it takes that we both feel its the right time and there's no discomfort at all. I kinda approach all steps of relationships this way. I have no set rules about anything I suppose. If it's clearly right for the both of us, we can kiss on the first date, or maybe on the fourth. Everything just takes place when it feels like both parties are ready. It may be 4-5 dates, but if I really like the girl it may mean a couple months, at so much that we've explored everything up to that point.
carhill Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 This is a great example of how all people (men and women) are different. Some guys will meet a woman whom they don't know and find her attractive and want to bang her right away. They may behave this way globally or situationally. Getting to know her is something they do while they bang her. That's their psychology. If the woman's psychology is compatible (this is how she approaches interpersonal encounters with men), then they are compatible. IMO, the key is being true to yourself, to your healthy style and perspective. There's nothing intrinsically unhealthy with the above. It's one perspective. Is it yours? Is it compatible with yours? Unknown. I'll give another example. Even though I typically 'wait' to get to know someone (ergo time) before feeling impelled to express my attraction in a sexual way, if that same person were someone who had been otherwise unavailable (LTR/M) and became available and we discovered we had attraction to each other and, knowing each other well, there was already a level of trust and/or intimacy (non-romantic), then sexual expression, for me, could necessarily happen much more quickly since the foundations are there. That's unique to my psychology. It's not 'right' and it's not 'wrong', just as the OP's perspective is neither. Will such a perspective necessarily exclude certain categories of potentials? Absolutely. Accept that
Satisfaction Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'm a 23 year old guy. I've had several girlfriends and haven't had as much dating experience as some, but more than most I know. I was just reading a thread and it seems that people kinda expect that on dates 2-4 are the dates too have sex. I've had sex on the first date, with a girl who became a girlfriend and always regretted not waiting longer. The next girl who became my girlfriend, we decided to wait for sex (it was probably a couple months before we did) and that was a good experience for me. It's not that I don't feel "ready", I just feel when people have sex so early after meeting eachother its like eating dessert before you have your meal. There's so many intermediary steps between meeting and sealing the deal (first kiss, hot make out session, oral, etc..) that make the journey so much more fun. The tension and desire grows and when you finally have sex its great. Plus, sex I better with someone you actually have grown to care about (to some extent at least). Is this weird? Comments. Would this annoy some girls? Where are the men like you hiding? dramatic sob...
make me believe Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 My bf is 31 and you sound similar to him. He's only been with a few girls because he doesn't have sex unless he has strong feelings for the girl. I don't think there is anything wrong with that; in fact I think it's a good thing! It was different for me when we got together cause I was used to guys having sex right away. But it was really cool to wait longer than I normally would have because the sex was better & had more emotion behind it when it did happen.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 It was different for me when we got together cause I was used to guys having sex right away. And I assume, ipso facto, that you were used to YOURSELF having sex right away as well?
BWLoca Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I think it's great! My current b/f feels the same way. I like to wait at least two months and we're very compatible in this aspect. We only waited a month, but by that point, we were seeing each other probably 4-5 times per week.
bac Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 IMO girls will love it unless they have no common sense. I also think that for a guy of your age it is totally normal. Guys who want sex on the first dates are usually looking for NSA, ONS, multiple dating and stuff like that.
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