TiredofWaiting09 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 To make a long story short, I dated a guy for about 2 years, he was always afraid of commitment, and we ultimately broke up because I couldn't take his indecisiveness over whether or not he wanted to be with me. However, we remained friends, and have stayed very close since the break up, almost exactly 2 years ago today. I have to admit that staying friends probably wasn't the best idea, but it really gave us time to get to know one another in a different way. I've always held out hope that he would one day realize that he wanted to be with me, but I also didn't hold back on other opportunities to date other guys. While I have gone on many dates with other men, nothing really lasted due to either my reasons or the other guys. Throughout the past couple years, I've known that once I start another relationship, my friendship with the ex would have to end. I've occasionally checked in with the ex about the possibility of getting back together, to which he either hasn't wanted to talk about it, or has made it clear that he isn't ready to commit again. About a month ago, I met a guy who is really great. We've been out a handful of times, he seems very sweet, and has said that he is crazy about me, to which I feel the same (that hasn't happened for me in a long time). However, from day 1 of dating this new guy, I've had anxiety over having to end my friendship with the ex. Looking back now, I realize why people say it's not a good idea to stay friends after a break up! But, it's too late for that, and I know that if things get serious with the new guy, the ex will no longer be a part of my life. Well, here's my issue: Since dating the new guy, I've been distant with my ex, and he's picked up on it. He started acting more attentive, less like a friend and more like he was interested in more. I told him last week that I've met someone and see a future there, to which he told me that he would like to talk with me. We set a date and time, and he ended up taking me back to the restaurant where we first met. He told me that he wanted to get back together, that he is sorry for being indecisive in the past, that I'm such a sweet girl, that he will prove how his feelings have changed, etc. I'm just so torn about the whole thing. I can't help thinking that the timing of it all totally sucks, and that he maybe only wants to get back together because of the possibility of being going away (he didn't know about the new guy, just that I was acting different toward him). I'm torn with the possibility of being with a new guy, who is really great, thoughtful, etc., but at the same time, it's still new and nothing is for certain. Or, I can go back with my ex, who I know very well, who is also very sweet, thoughtful, etc. but he could get cold feet about commitment again and I'd be back at square 1. The whole situation is making me sick, because I've never had to pick between 2 guys before. My ex is the only bf I've ever had long term (I'm 25 btw), and it's been hard for me to be with someone where our feelings about each other are mutual. Also, I'm not looking to simply have fun in a casual relationship...I want to settle down and I think each of these guys could be the one. Any advice is appreciated, I'm also considering going to counseling about it, I've never felt this lost before...
DustySaltus Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 It's always amazing how they come back just as you are starting to move on with your life. It sounded like your ex needed a little bit of shock therapy and he got it when he realized that you were moving on. What you need to interpret is whether these feelings are real or just a function of you not being as interested in him as you once were. As a man, I know in the past that when someone was readily available to me I didn't find myself being as into them as I would be when they weren't. I took women for granted and sometimes I was able to reconcile when I realized what I lost. Other times I wasn't so lucky. The first thing you need to realize is if both of these guys truly care about you they will give you all the time you need to process what is going on. Secondly, if you do want to get back with your EX you need to make him work for it.....REALLY work for it. He's got to be willing to jump through hoops, walk 10 miles, do your laundry for a week if he's serious about being with you. Then and only then will you know whether his WORDS meet his ACTIONS....and you will have a decision to make. Good luck -DS
EricaH329 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I agree with Dusty. This is a very tough situation to be in. I wouldn't make any decisions right now. I'm not sure if you've mentioned if you are already in a relationship with this new guy (i'm taking it that you are still just dating?) but if that's not the case, than I would hold off on that for a little bit. I'd suggest telling your ex that this time, he needs to prove himself. Give it a couple of months. Make him prove to you that he really, honestly wants this relationship. In the meantime, I would get to know this other guy a little bit better. It's only been a month, right? There is still a lot more about him that you should figure out. Good luck!
McGrupp Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 this is a study of a dumper right here. tough, i would try with the new guy. i seriously would. if u feel something for him and he you, why not?
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