greentea Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 This is on the side and would appreciate response from any guy in this forum: How does it feel if you being the guy initiates the breakup? How do you feel to have hurt a woman you so loved before? How do you feel when the girl tells you she is so hurt about what you did and feels like her world is breaking down? Do you think about it also.. like are you bothered too? Don't you feel guilty at all? This is a general question addressed to male in this forum... it's just that personally, i dont think ill be able to tolerate seeing someone I love suffering.. even if the relationship is over, I still want to be there for him and make sure that he gets through everything well. I wouldn't have peace of mind knowing I have hurt someone, and that someone is no ordinary person to me. I don't understand how some men can just hurt someone so badly and not care at all. Its not humane.
random Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 You kinda get different guys i guess. I have friends who consider themselves 'players' while i myself could not live like that. Just comes down to the guy. I think any decent guy would consider their partner's feelings in any decision they make. But in saying that sometimes hurt can't be avoided. You say that you would stick by them and try to get them through the pain but if you are the source of the pain i just don't think that's a good idea. shrug, just my opinion.
RobertoPNW Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 I sure wouldn't want my ex sticking around giving me her apologies and offering help. It only hurts more.
UCFKevin Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 I've never done it. Most breakups have been mutual or on the other party's side, not mine. I'm not very cool with hurting others. I hate being hurt so I can't imagine doing it on purpose to someone else.
dario Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 I have never actually broken up with a girl...as I don't think I could do it. But, perhaps, that's the problem. As -in reality- I don't think about my needs to. I ride things out until the hurt is reversed. A self persecution sort of thing. I hope this makes sense. With my last gf...early on, things were moving fast and I realised at a point that I should perhaps end it with her. In reality, there and then, I should have talked to her about various things. Then, when she dumped me for her own 'health and sanity' I was broadsided by it all. I was devastated. I know it's cliche...communication is so important.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 i've never broke up with a long term gf ever! i mean i have met 100's women and never got in touch again or after a few dates i let it go but i have never broke up a relationship everyone of my long term girlfriends has always broken it off with me? is this my fault or is it avarage? i am 29 by the way and have had 3 ltr's! i would have hated or couldn't dump my current ex!!!!
dario Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 Same as me BrainrightHeartwrong. If anything, I had one mutual break-up and we've remained good friends ever since. Apart from that...a lot of 'novelty wearing off' for other party and they end it with me.
dario Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 Oh,...and with the ex sticking around to 'help'. It's a strange one. My ex called to see how I was....it's weird trying to be honest. I had to stick with the 'I'm up to this and that...' She sounded happy and so I lied my side of the conversation. It's a strange dilemma... On a different front a past ex recently called in tears about her life. Venting to me. She's with a guy she's about to marry. It's strange. I'm exhausted emotionally but I'm learning....I don't think I have it in me to hurt someone that way. Then again, you have to look after yourself to, don't you? If I ever had to do it...if I knew I had to do it....I'd talk...really talk...offer support....but really, really, really talk.
Marty_McFly Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 I'm with all the guys that have posted, particularly Kevin and BrainRightHeartWrong. Greentea, I would ask the same thing of the women! I think we're proving here that it's not a male or female thing, but that it just sucks either way.
Author greentea Posted January 9, 2004 Author Posted January 9, 2004 I see, so generally, you would at least offer a talk to the person you have broken up with. I just feel confused whether my bf has broken up or is breaking up with me. The thing is, he asked for space over SMS and the only explanation he gave me was "give time to figure things out and to correct the mistakes made". I did not get the chance to talk to him about anything because he just shut me out after telling those, like my opinion did not matter at all. And I was left with no choice. He has not contacted me since. It's been two months now and I think that if he has or is breaking up with me, I guess he should at least talk to me and not allow me to feel all this hurt by just leaving me with nothing, not even an explanation.
Author greentea Posted January 9, 2004 Author Posted January 9, 2004 Originally posted by RobertoPNW I sure wouldn't want my ex sticking around giving me her apologies and offering help. It only hurts more. Yes, I agree. But just in case it was me breaking up with this person and I know that he would hurt a lot, I would at least offer a talk, really apologize for hurting him, explain everything to him, just be there for him for the first few days until he has understood EVERYTHINg completely. If he does not want me to stick around for him to heal, I would respect that as that is necessary I think. But then at least I was honest to him and nice enough to offer my shoulders just in case. And I wouldnt just shut him out of my life. I believe that if you really love someone, even if the relationship is over, there is always that small spot in your heart for him/her. He/she will ALWAYS be special. It will never go away except if the relationship has really gone sour and you broke up because your partner cheated on you or something. Just my two cents.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 Yes, I agree. But just in case it was me breaking up with this person and I know that he would hurt a lot, I would at least offer a talk, really apologize for hurting him, explain everything to him, just be there for him for the first few days until he has understood EVERYTHINg completely. If he does not want me to stick around for him to heal, I would respect that as that is necessary I think. But then at least I was honest to him and nice enough to offer my shoulders just in case. And I wouldnt just shut him out of my life. I believe that if you really love someone, even if the relationship is over, there is always that small spot in your heart for him/her. He/she will ALWAYS be special greentea is this really true coming from a female? this is what my ex basically said to me and she now wants to be friends and i can't be friends as its too hard or impossible how should i go about this? shut her off completely?
Author greentea Posted January 9, 2004 Author Posted January 9, 2004 Originally posted by BrainRightHeartWrong greentea is this really true coming from a female? this is what my ex basically said to me and she now wants to be friends and i can't be friends as its too hard or impossible how should i go about this? shut her off completely? Well that would really depend on you and how you will take it. First, i think you have to admit that its over and that she is only offering friendship at this point. If it will be more difficult for you to move on knowing she is around still, tell her in a nice way. Tell her that you appreciate her for being there, but at this point you feel that it is better for you to not have contact with her for a while. Tell her that as soon as you have healed, you will get in touch and hopefully, she is still there to offer friendship. The timing is just not right now as you are still hurting and healing.
Recommended Posts