nddb Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Didn't go into it, but there is an order of protection against him. She's on the east coast he's on the west coast. Hmmm, that would be my concern. Primarily because I'd want to know that if there was a problem (and in my book, a dissolved marriage that leaves a child without two parents is by definition not a success), she learned something from it and grew because of it. Sometimes, this will make a woman, IMHO, a better mate because she now knows what not to do or know what she doesn't want. But if it's something she hasn't learned from or something she did but took no responsibility, you will want to know.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'd take single mother who wears a wig and has kids who is fun, interesting, passionate and who will love, respect, and be loyal to me over some narcissistic beauty queen any day. Anytime anywhere, hands down. As would I. My argument obviously presupposed, when comparing the two, that all other things were equal. Otherwise it would have been a meaningless comparison. I'm sure you were alert enough to realize that.
St. Nick Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Nice side-step chief. Jeez. The dude tries to help you and you want to start an internet battle. This is one of the reasons why I don't take this stuff seriously and just throw out any response I feel like. hearttobreak, you sound real naive. You're dating a single mother with a wig and a 12 year old; you insist on paying dinner when she offers to pay herself; you don't think she'd try to use you; and she's not supposed to use birth control (something she let slip to you while she was watching a birth control commercial, rather than telling it to you from the beginning--you didn't even bother to ask, and if she hadn't slipped you'd still be in the dark). Judging from all this I can safely say you'll find yourself in quicksand real soon. And it will mainly be due to your own naivete (sp?).
Enema Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 You could always get a vasectomy. Don't want kids, in your 30's already. Seems like win:win for both of you if the relationship progresses. I wouldn't worry about the peck goodnight. I don't think it means anything negative.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 OHh.. you know what, I failed to realize that the person who was attacking me was the OP! I thought it was a woman. LOL. It makes more sense now.
SarahRose Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Of what exactly? I find you difficult to follow because you make no sense. Half your words are censored and the other half are about my age and whatever else you choose to attack. Not meaningful to this discussion. Just so we can put the matter to rest I'm in my mid-30s. EDIT: I've reported your posts as personal, harrassing attacks to the mods. Whether they choose to do anything about it is up to them. I'm not really interested in flame wars with random people on my computer screen. I'd rather post my theories here and if people want to rebut them with reasoned, articulate analysis then they can. Good grief stop being a big baby. You come on every thread with rude comments but when people call you on your rudeness you tattle like a big baby and add a wussy sig line. How do you know all your posts haven't been reported? Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
Stung Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 (edited) Good grief stop being a big baby. You come on every thread with rude comments but when people call you on your rudeness you tattle like a big baby and add a wussy sig line. How do you know all your posts haven't been reported? Don't dish it out if you can't take it. Sarah Rose, tellin' it like it is! Barky, for someone who likes to tout his own chilling lack of human empathy as 'brutal honesty' you've got a pretty thin skin. Maybe you need to take a step back from these boards and try to absorb the fact that your callow worldview is not the ONLY worldview, and if you are honestly surprised at some people's reactions to your words start reading your posts with a more detached eye. As for the remarks on your age, to many people your views of gender relations come across as being juvenile because they are lacking in depth, something you yourself seem to know you could use a little help with/perspective on as you admit you find yourself unable to care about any of the women you get involved with. OP, you are unlikely to get anything you will consider helpful out of certain posters. There is an 'ignore' feature you might consider using . Sorry your thread has been so hijacked...your new girlfriend sounds like a nice person and it's understandable that hearing the way some people have been talking about her might make you defensive. It sounds like you've hit a good pace with her, things are moving along without going either too fast or too slow, IMO. I do second a previous posters concern about the dissolution of her marriage, only in that if she needed an order of protection against her husband her marriage probably left her with some invisible scars of the psyche, yet more complicated baggage in addition to that which you already know about. This shouldn't have to be a dealbreaker by any means, just...keep your eyes open. And good luck. Edited March 2, 2010 by Stung
Author hearttobreak Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Sarah Rose, tellin' it like it is! OP, you are unlikely to get anything you will consider helpful out of certain posters. There is an 'ignore' feature you might consider using . Sorry your thread has been so hijacked...your new girlfriend sounds like a nice person and it's understandable that hearing the way some people have been talking about her might make you defensive. It sounds like you've hit a good pace with her, things are moving along without going either too fast or too slow, IMO. I do second a previous posters concern about the dissolution of her marriage, only in that if she needed an order of protection against her husband her marriage probably left her with some invisible scars of the psyche, yet more complicated baggage in addition to that which you already know about. This shouldn't have to be a dealbreaker by any means, just...keep your eyes open. And good luck. I do know that the father of the kid was physical with her after the baby was born when she was 18. She left him four months after the kid was born. I do know that much. I try not to pry too much into things so early. After all, there has only been 2 dates so far. St. Nick, yes, that is correct. I will admit I never dated a signal mother before. Didn't attack anyone. Just reversed the words used against someone who is not even here to defend themselves against a poster who only knows two things about her. While they are a major piece of the puzzle, it does not give a complete picture of her.
linwood Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Wasn't expecting her too. I was just thinking that maybe she thought it was weird that I did not try to make out with her. The reasoning in my head was mainly out of respect for the kid and her. The week before, the kid was at the house, but it was the first date and I did not think it was proper to attempt anything. I usually take things slow. However, I have been told I can take things a bit too slow at times. I did kiss her at the end of the first date too. Again, the kid, actually, teen is going into high school next year. In my opinion, a mother with a teen is much different when its with a mother and a child or toddler. Some would say more manageable. In some aspects it is probably more manageable but the fact that the kid is a teen brings it`s own problems. Trust me, to be a parent to a teenager is to have a monopoly on drama. Just take it slow, respect the kid even if she/he offers you none and continue to move the way you`ve been moving. You`re doing ok and your motivations are more than reasonable.
single Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I went out with and lived with a single mum of 3 kids aged 14, 12 and 10 for a few years and we had or ups and downs like everyone but as the kids got older late teens it was hell on earth. So i have said never again and i know every kid is different etc but once bitten and all that never again. Unless the kids mother will back you when they are wrong you are heading for sorrow and misery. I know it's hard for everyone involved but from my experience and friends the mothers always jump to kids side even if they are acting like idiots, to have any chance you need great communication with everyone involved and have the same ideas thoughts on raising children. Also her child or children will always come first (rightly so) but you need to be happy with that and be able to accept that.
Author hearttobreak Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 I went out with and lived with a single mum of 3 kids aged 14, 12 and 10 for a few years and we had or ups and downs like everyone but as the kids got older late teens it was hell on earth. So i have said never again and i know every kid is different etc but once bitten and all that never again. Unless the kids mother will back you when they are wrong you are heading for sorrow and misery. I know it's hard for everyone involved but from my experience and friends the mothers always jump to kids side even if they are acting like idiots, to have any chance you need great communication with everyone involved and have the same ideas thoughts on raising children. Also her child or children will always come first (rightly so) but you need to be happy with that and be able to accept that. A bit different. One, its only one teenager, which are easier than three LOL. I could not handle three, not sure how any one person could. Two, the teen is really behaved. Much better than I was at that age. Three, not expecting me over the kid. That would be a real nutty expectation. Kid always comes first, I get that. No issues there.
single Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 A bit different. One, its only one teenager, which are easier than three LOL. I could not handle three, not sure how any one person could. Two, the teen is really behaved. Much better than I was at that age. Three, not expecting me over the kid. That would be a real nutty expectation. Kid always comes first, I get that. No issues there. Some guys can't accept it though and there goes another relationship.
silverfish Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I went out with and lived with a single mum of 3 kids aged 14, 12 and 10 for a few years and we had or ups and downs like everyone but as the kids got older late teens it was hell on earth. So i have said never again and i know every kid is different etc but once bitten and all that never again. Unless the kids mother will back you when they are wrong you are heading for sorrow and misery. I know it's hard for everyone involved but from my experience and friends the mothers always jump to kids side even if they are acting like idiots, to have any chance you need great communication with everyone involved and have the same ideas thoughts on raising children. Also her child or children will always come first (rightly so) but you need to be happy with that and be able to accept that. This seems to be a common problem with some relationships I've seen. I think it's important not to get into a them & me situation with the kids, so the mother gets stuck in the middle. Once she's stuck in the middle, she's going to take her kids 'side'. If they're acting like idiots, it's firstly up to her to deal with it and you to back her up. If she won't deal with it, then no, the relationship probably won't last. If you deal with it, and she doesn't back you up, again, the relationship probably won't last. TBH though, I wouldn't advise any new partner to get too involved with disciplining the kids - that's up to the mother really. My step dad refused to get involved most of the time. It's not very pleasant to have your mother and her new BF ganging up on you as a teenager believe me. The mother in some situations probably realises that the situation isn't ideal for her kids, and lets them get away with more bad behaviour than normally, which is a huge mistake.
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