hearttobreak Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Met this girl in a local friends activity group months ago (just activities no addicts or abuse). I left the group cause I didn't really like the stuff they were doing. She contacts me and says I heard you left the group. If you ever want to hang out, I'd be up for that. Replied back and said sure, I'd be up for that. Some interesting tidbits are that one, she said she hadn't dated for a couple of years. Two, she has a 12 year old daughter. Three, she has a medical impairment. I knew all of this before going in, but she did not know that. I was told to take things slow cause she has a teenage daughter and she's not been dating for a couple of years. She gave me her phone number and I called and asked her to come with me to a friends party. The party was lame and we left to get some dinner. She was having a good time and laughing all the time. She shared with me her medical issue as well as the whole daughter situation. And, no, I did not ask about it. Said I understand and its not a big deal. We went back to her home, had some desert, watched some TV then I left. To show her I am interested in her in more than just friends, I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and a hug. Next week, we had another date. Picked her up, went to dinner and then we went to do an sports activity. At dinner, she was telling me she was talking to her mom about me, and the mother said she couldn't believe she told me about the medical and relationship history. I said, again, its not a big deal. We all have some sort of baggage in our lives. She asked me about my relationship history, and so I told her about my last one, which was the longest one, and how it ended after a few years. So, we took some pics of each other at dinner, shared some more convo, and continued to the activity. I was particularly bad, and was very good. She was hysterically laughing and seemed to have a good time. After a while, she said we should leave, I really do not want to take you to the hospital. Said I will get this. Turns out, I didn't. She said if I kiss you can we leave? So we had a public open mouth kiss and then left. Walked out holding hands back to the car and such. Went back to her home and her daughter had a friend over. Had some tea and cookies while me and her (the mother) were watching TV. I did try to get a bit intimate, but her daughter came into the family room twice, so i gave up. I was getting tired so I leaned on her shoulder. She re-adjusted and my head was on her chest, very comfy I must say. Her heart was beating fast at times too. Almost as fast as mine. Anyway, she moved her arm over to my chest and we watched a few hours of TV, then she said I had to go. It was like 2:00 AM anyway. Got up, gave her a kiss on the lips. Got my jacket and a hug and another kiss on the lips. Similar to at the end of the first date, not like the kiss she gave me earlier. My questions are. Am I moving too slow? Two, why do you think when she kissed me, it was an open mouthed kiss, whereas my kiss to her on Saturday was both closed lip kisses? Or, am I over-anyalizing things in my head? We are both in our early 30s.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Or, am I over-anyalizing things in my head? Yes. Sounds like you have a new girlfriend. I'd be curious to know what her "medical condition" is. Bunions, AIDS? There's a difference.
St. Nick Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Her medical impairment was probably her post-pregnancy gut. hearttobreak, make sure you don't go on any dates with the kids. You might end up paying and it could spoil the moment. Otherwise, you might want to treat her as a jump-off.
Author hearttobreak Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Its a blood disorder. You would never know it without her telling you about it. Its similar to dialysis I believe. It thins her hair, so she wears a wig. Again, unless she told you, you would not know the difference. Well, she can't go on birth control either.. Interestingly enough, she asked me at her place what would my parents say or think about her situation. Told her it didn't matter; as I assumed she was dating me and not my parents. She smiled. Was just concerned on a couple of things. One, she said my leg was shaking, though I did not notice. Second, when we kissed before I left it was different than when she kissed me during the date. Not that it felt different, but it was back as a peck on the lips instead of big heated one. Think I screwed up the kiss when she kissed me earlier? And that was the reasoning to just a couple of quick pecks on the lips. Or, possibly she was tired at 2:00 AM and didn't really notice?
Author hearttobreak Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Her medical impairment was probably her post-pregnancy gut. hearttobreak, make sure you don't go on any dates with the kids. You might end up paying and it could spoil the moment. Otherwise, you might want to treat her as a jump-off. Never went on a date with her and her kid. She's pretty independent. She's asked each time to pay for the meal or activity, I said not necessary. She invited me over to cook dinner on Tuesday, but I declined as I knew her kid would be there. A bit too fast for me... The into to the kid and all. I met the kid for a few minutes on Saturday, but really stayed clear. I know not to get in between the mother and her kid. Cute kid and all, but not something I really want to rush into.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 (edited) Let her pay sometimes, don't let her think that you want to be her (or her kid's) sugar daddy. The wig thing might put me off. If her condition is bad enough that she has to wear a wig then you can bet she feels REALLY bad about it, no matter what she might pretend. Let's pretend she is perfect in every physical way other than that. She'd start out as a 10, the kid subtracts 2, the hair thing subtracts another 1.5, she's down to a 6.5. And that's assuming she started out a 10. But in reality she was probably, what, a 7 to begin with, meaning she's now a 3.5 on the dating scene. Meaning you can pretty much make her go down on you every day of the week if that's your thing (and assuming you're a bit of a catch yourself). She doesn't have a lot of options. Edited March 1, 2010 by Barky
Author hearttobreak Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Maybe its just me, but I do not perceive her like that. Maybe its my upbringing, but I could not take advantage of a woman like that. Its just not me.
St. Nick Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 She can't use birth control. That's a red light. You're entering quicksand territory there, hearttobreak. I'd think about my other potential gfs if I were you, or you might end up baby daddy #2.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 She can't use birth control. That's a red light. You're entering quicksand territory there, hearttobreak. I'd think about my other potential gfs if I were you, or you might end up baby daddy #2. At least she brought it out up-front. That way he knows not to take off the 'raincoat' for any reason. I'd much rather that she tells him now than after unprotected penetration. "oohh that feels great, oh by the way did I tell you I'm not on any birth control?"
Author hearttobreak Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 At least she brought it out up-front. That way he knows not to take off the 'raincoat' for any reason. I'd much rather that she tells him now than after unprotected penetration. "oohh that feels great, oh by the way did I tell you I'm not on any birth control?" She seemed to let that slip during a commercial for birth control. Considering I do not want kids, was thinking just to keep the condom on. Last time I checked, a woman cannot get pregnant through oral sex.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Last time I checked, a woman cannot get pregnant through oral sex. Well, it sounds like you know exactly what you want from this chick! More power to ya.
SarahRose Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Let her pay sometimes, don't let her think that you want to be her (or her kid's) sugar daddy. The wig thing might put me off. If her condition is bad enough that she has to wear a wig then you can bet she feels REALLY bad about it, no matter what she might pretend. Let's pretend she is perfect in every physical way other than that. She'd start out as a 10, the kid subtracts 2, the hair thing subtracts another 1.5, she's down to a 6.5. And that's assuming she started out a 10. But in reality she was probably, what, a 7 to begin with, meaning she's now a 3.5 on the dating scene. Meaning you can pretty much make her go down on you every day of the week if that's your thing (and assuming you're a bit of a catch yourself). She doesn't have a lot of options. This is ridiculous. You talk about women like they are some disposable cum dumpster inanimate objects.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 My questions are. Am I moving too slow? Two, why do you think when she kissed me, it was an open mouthed kiss, whereas my kiss to her on Saturday was both closed lip kisses? Or, am I over-anyalizing things in my head? We are both in our early 30s. Well, she probably was just progressing things a bit. I don't think you are moving too slow. It sounds like you like each other and are having fun getting to know each other. Relax and have fun getting to know her. It's good to realize that we all have baggage. I always find it's about finding someone that is acceptting of your baggage, not that you don't have any. You'd have to either be a pretty inexperienced person or a cold one not to have any baggage.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 This is ridiculous. You talk about women like they are some disposable cum dumpster inanimate objects. He does. But that's his issue and his own bitterness. He likes to play it off like he is a big player but he just makes himself look poorly. Even in an post where the OP clearly kind of likes the girl, he insinuates that the OP only wants to use the girl. He can't stand the idea of a woman being treated with respect.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 This is ridiculous. You talk about women like they are some disposable cum dumpster inanimate objects. Guess it's the solipsist in me. But you have yet to point to the part that's incorrect.
St. Nick Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 He can't stand the idea of a woman being treated with respect. Neither can women.
SarahRose Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 He does. But that's his issue and his own bitterness. He likes to play it off like he is a big player but he just makes himself look poorly. Even in an post where the OP clearly kind of likes the girl, he insinuates that the OP only wants to use the girl. He can't stand the idea of a woman being treated with respect. It does look bad. Gives me the image of some loser wanking to his Farrah Faucet poster in his mother's basement with mushrooms growing on the walls.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Let's not hijack the thread with ineffective ad hominem attacks against me, all righty? This was about my advice to a guy about his less-than-uber-desirable single mom girlfriend. He may take it or leave it as he pleases.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 It does look bad. Gives me the image of some loser wanking to his Farrah Faucet poster in his mother's basement with mushrooms growing on the walls. He did say he likes jerking off to porn more the going out. Let's not hijack the thread with ineffective ad hominem attacks against me, all righty? This was about my advice to a guy about his less-than-uber-desirable single mom girlfriend. He may take it or leave it as he pleases. No Hijack Sweety. The advice you gave didn't even have anything to do with what the OP asked. So if you want to talk about Hijacks...look at your own. Hearttobreak, just enjoy the relationship and see where it goes. If you accept her for who she is, that's priceless.
Stung Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Let her pay sometimes, don't let her think that you want to be her (or her kid's) sugar daddy. The wig thing might put me off. If her condition is bad enough that she has to wear a wig then you can bet she feels REALLY bad about it, no matter what she might pretend. Let's pretend she is perfect in every physical way other than that. She'd start out as a 10, the kid subtracts 2, the hair thing subtracts another 1.5, she's down to a 6.5. And that's assuming she started out a 10. But in reality she was probably, what, a 7 to begin with, meaning she's now a 3.5 on the dating scene. Meaning you can pretty much make her go down on you every day of the week if that's your thing (and assuming you're a bit of a catch yourself). She doesn't have a lot of options. She's a human being with some complicated baggage, not a number between 1-10. Thus far she has conducted herself with kindness and grace towards you, OP, and seems to really like you. She is in her 30s, has a child and a medical situation, and all those things suggest to me she is likely to be beyond the game playing many people on these boards advocate. You obviously like her. I think the best advice right now is to try to relax, as you do seem to be overanalyzing things. Her 2nd kiss was closemouthed, but it was 2 AM, she was tired. Give her a more passionate kiss next time you see her, problem solved. SHE WAS KISSING YOU, she was talking about your PARENTS. She likes you. You seem to be doing well so far on your own. In addition, weigh carefully where some of the advice you'll get here originates from, as a fairly high percentage of the posters of this board have real cognitive problems identifying the opposite sex as human beings worthy of dignity and not just sources of bitterness and/or disdain.
linwood Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I married a single mother (Two boys). First, get over the "difference between kisses thing" She was hot with you when her kids weren`t around but a little chilled at her house. She`s not just going to bring some strange guy home and start making out with him on the couch with the kids in the house. That`ll take some time with you being around the kid more until the kid understands the new dynamics of his life and where you fit into them. Also, a single mom is a LOT of baggage no matter how you look at it. You better make sure you want to handle it.
nddb Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 What was the reason for the divorce? I too think you are moving at the right pace. Seems like things are moving along fine.
Author hearttobreak Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 What was the reason for the divorce? I too think you are moving at the right pace. Seems like things are moving along fine. Didn't go into it, but there is an order of protection against him. She's on the east coast he's on the west coast.
nddb Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Your personal attacks against me are irrelevant. Any woman in her early 30s who has to wear a wig is going to be less attractive to men than one who doesn't. Any woman who has kids is going to be less attractive to childless men than women who don't. I simply quantified it. You may argue with my numbers, but my theory is sound. Your assertions to the contrary make your reputation here fall. Barky, I'd take single mother who wears a wig and has kids who is fun, interesting, passionate and who will love, respect, and be loyal to me over some narcissistic beauty queen any day. Anytime anywhere, hands down.
Author hearttobreak Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 I married a single mother (Two boys). First, get over the "difference between kisses thing" She was hot with you when her kids weren`t around but a little chilled at her house. She`s not just going to bring some strange guy home and start making out with him on the couch with the kids in the house. That`ll take some time with you being around the kid more until the kid understands the new dynamics of his life and where you fit into them. Also, a single mom is a LOT of baggage no matter how you look at it. You better make sure you want to handle it. Wasn't expecting her too. I was just thinking that maybe she thought it was weird that I did not try to make out with her. The reasoning in my head was mainly out of respect for the kid and her. The week before, the kid was at the house, but it was the first date and I did not think it was proper to attempt anything. I usually take things slow. However, I have been told I can take things a bit too slow at times. I did kiss her at the end of the first date too. Again, the kid, actually, teen is going into high school next year. In my opinion, a mother with a teen is much different when its with a mother and a child or toddler. Some would say more manageable.
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