Is cheating this out of control?

[pyroguy]

I recently read an aticle in Maxim magazine regarding how to cheat and get away with it. The article has pointers from the so-called experts- women.

 

Now, ladies, this is not a woman hating thread, and I guess the same could be said for men, but this article focuses on women deceiving men, and them giving the men pointers. I'm pretty aware of how it is out there, but this is even worse than I thought.

 

Amongst the tips are:

1) do a gender swap in the cell phone. So, a John becomes a joanie. Says Jessica, a 29 year old benefits coordinator, "for awhile I was boning a guy named JAke, who was in my phone as Jackie, and this other guy Mark, I had entered as Marcy". Whenever her BF asked who this Jackie chick was that was texting her all the time, Jess simply said it was friend she re-connected with through facebook. "Then. for effort, I rolled my eyes and complained how needy she was.

WOW, sound familiar guys? The old, "how could you accuse me of something like that? how cold and sneaky. WHy have a BF?

 

2) Always be reachable- meaning answer calls and texts back in short order as to not arouse suspicion. It can be challenging if the background noise doesn't match your exuse. Anwer at all times. Kelsey, a 27 year-old med student, "I once answered my BF's call while a fling was doing me from behind", she says LAUGHING. " I grabbed the guy's thigh to let him know to stop pounding so I can talk, so then he started moving really slowly while I talked to my BF about dinner plans and tried not to moan. The extreme sluttiness of it was actually pretty hot"

Holy s**t, what a peach. I guess she's having a good laugh at her BF. Where's the respect for another human being? His reward? to take her to dinner later.

 

3) Choose wisely. Don't pick a person who will throw you under the bus. Don't pick the intern who may follow you around like a lost puppy. Use the married colleague who you put long hours in with. " I had a great arrangement for a few years with a married guy at work", says Olivia, a 28 year-old ad-exec. "We ran all the biggest accounts, which meant lots of late nights. We'd wait for everyone to clear out, and then it was a free-for-all. We had sex in the conf room, on our boss' desk, and even under the desk. Then he'd go home to his wife, and I'd go home to my cat, and no one was the wiser".

 

What about his wife? meanwhile she is at home taking care of his kids

Or, if you don't want that, open a branch office, like Danielle, a 29 year-old photagrapher who only cheats on business trips. " I love my BF, but monogamy is for the birds", she says. I enjoy ****ing new guys, then going home to the man who loves me. I'd never want him to run into them, so I only do it in other cities".

 

Well, how sweet of her. Again where's the respect? maybe he's tired of monagamy too. Does he get a chance? or, is she just robbing his life of all the passion he could get from another women- so selfish

 

4) Don't date your fling. "Number one rule for cheating", says Mara a 30 year-old financial advisor,f"**k, don't date. period".

 

Wow, just..wow

 

The article also mentions don't overcompensate in your behavior towards your SO- obviously, and take it the grave, which apparently women are much better at. Believeable..chilling for men..but believable.

 

Again, this is not a woman hating thread, and women can start their own thread that focuses on men, and it would most likely be true.

 

WTF has this world come to? IS all this sexual openess worth it? We have all this sexual freedom, and people are just more miserable than they were 40 years ago. There's so much cheating and misery. Just look at this forum.

 

Also, guys, would you ever date any of these women, knowing this info? For the ladies who think it's stupid an insecure to judge a woman on her past, I submit this article. If you think most men won't head for the hills if presented with these women, and having full knowledge of their thoughts, you must be nuts. And, the men would have every right. It's their heart..their lives.

 

So, is it really dante's inferno out there? I think it is. I feel so bad for my 2 kids to grow up in this mess.

Edited March 1, 2010 by pyroguy

[ADF]

Pyroguy, if it is any comfort, bear in mind that cheating is nothing new, and that there is little evidence that cheating is much more prevelant today than, say, 50 years ago. Cheating hasn't changed. What's changed is the expectation of fidelity.

 

Male infidelity, for example, was pretty much taken for granted until the 1950s. Men in the US weren't expected to be faithful; only women were.

[Bleed Internal]

wow. this makes me want to just use and abuse these whores out here and never commit again. effing disgusting, worthless, pieces of trash.

[Tea]

Perhaps we weren't meant to be monogamous. But, the respect we have for our significant others should prevent us from betraying our life partner. Who cares about the SEX aspect, it's about belittling and hurting our significant others with these secrets.

 

Sadly, the older I get, the more prominent it is. If you don't want to have sex with just one person the rest of your life, then you should have found somebody willing to have an open relationship with you.

 

I'm a woman. I've had temptations. I've had several opportunities. The main thing holding me back from surrendering to these options is the thought of how much pain it would cause my loving husband. If I did not want to be a one-person kind of gal, I would have married somebody different.

[Green]

This was in Maxim. Seriously, it is a really stupid magazine. I wouldn't let this article get to you.

 

First off most of the cheating tricks in the article were easy to spot. If I saw some girl named Marcy txting all the time I would realize what was going on.

 

If a girl answered my phone call while out having sex with another guy I would also catch on.

 

Finally I've never had a gf who goes away on business trips and vacations with out me, but thats pretty sleazy to go hook up with some random dude for a one night stand in a far away city. The std's you will catch from your cheating partner will alert you to that one.

[sweetjasmine]

IS all this sexual openess worth it?

 

The garbage in that article isn't sexual openness. It's deceit, plain and simple.

 

Perhaps we weren't meant to be monogamous.

 

Monogamy is mostly a social construct. One that I happen to like, but it's not 'unnatural' for people to want to have multiple partners over time.

 

But...

But, the respect we have for our significant others should prevent us from betraying our life partner. Who cares about the SEX aspect, it's about belittling and hurting our significant others with these secrets.

 

Sadly, the older I get, the more prominent it is. If you don't want to have sex with just one person the rest of your life, then you should have found somebody willing to have an open relationship with you.

 

I'm a woman. I've had temptations. I've had several opportunities. The main thing holding me back from surrendering to these options is the thought of how much pain it would cause my loving husband. If I did not want to be a one-person kind of gal, I would have married somebody different.

 

^ I absolutely agree with all of that.

[pyroguy]

Pyroguy, if it is any comfort, bear in mind that cheating is nothing new, and that there is little evidence that cheating is much more prevelant today than, say, 50 years ago. Cheating hasn't changed. What's changed is the expectation of fidelity.

 

Male infidelity, for example, was pretty much taken for granted until the 1950s. Men in the US weren't expected to be faithful; only women were.

 

I disagree. That seems to be a popular belief that all men in yesteryear were unfaithful, chauvinist clods. That's an insult to my fathers and grandfathers generation.

 

Yes, some men were that way, but I know so may more that were great men, great family men. Also, this idea that grandma was miserable and she would have cheated if given the chance is way off base too. Yes, many women in the past would have acted differently had they lived in modern times, but I also know many older women who are apalled at the behavior of younh women today. They admire their independence, but dislike their behavior.

 

There may not be conclusive proof, but let's be honest, cheating is now at epedemic proportions, and people do it like it's going to the bathroom.

[pyroguy]

Perhaps we weren't meant to be monogamous. But, the respect we have for our significant others should prevent us from betraying our life partner. Who cares about the SEX aspect, it's about belittling and hurting our significant others with these secrets.

 

Sadly, the older I get, the more prominent it is. If you don't want to have sex with just one person the rest of your life, then you should have found somebody willing to have an open relationship with you.

 

I'm a woman. I've had temptations. I've had several opportunities. The main thing holding me back from surrendering to these options is the thought of how much pain it would cause my loving husband. If I did not want to be a one-person kind of gal, I would have married somebody different.

 

Exactly> how can you love someone and treat them so unfairly. Maybe you have thoughts of others, but to then act on that while relegating your SO to the roomate just isn't fair.

 

One thing though, the SEX part does matter to a man. Try telling your guy it was just sex. That would be the equivalent to him telling you that he just had an emotional connection with some girl, but he comes home to be all over you physically. Men and women are wired differently.

 

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone wasn't so "tempted" why can't the other person just be a good looking person from afar. If you're really happy, why do you have to be tempted?

[pyroguy]

This was in Maxim. Seriously, it is a really stupid magazine. I wouldn't let this article get to you.

 

First off most of the cheating tricks in the article were easy to spot. If I saw some girl named Marcy txting all the time I would realize what was going on.

 

If a girl answered my phone call while out having sex with another guy I would also catch on.

 

Finally I've never had a gf who goes away on business trips and vacations with out me, but thats pretty sleazy to go hook up with some random dude for a one night stand in a far away city. The std's you will catch from your cheating partner will alert you to that one.

 

Well, yes I know it's maxim, and I never read it. I picked it up while at my Gym while on a bike, warming up to do some treadmill work.

 

Still, if you don't think cheating is rampant, and that women cheat on business trips and vacations, man are you naive. I have some good stories for you.

[make me believe]

I can't stand it when people cheat because "we're not meant to be monogamous." If you don't want to be monogamous because it's not what you're "meant" to do, then don't commit to a monogamous relationship!! There are plenty of options out there that do NOT involve deceiving somebody who loves you.

[Green]

 

Well, yes I know it's maxim, and I never read it. I picked it up while at my Gym while on a bike, warming up to do some treadmill work.

 

Still, if you don't think cheating is rampant, and that women cheat on business trips and vacations, man are you naive. I have some good stories for you.

 

You are naive to read some article one day, and get all messed up about it. Do you even have a gf right now?

 

I have a gf, and I'm not going to live life scared she is going to cheat on me. Seriously if she cheated on me some weekend away and I never knew and I went on being happy, then that is her burden to bare. Most of the tricks wouldn't work on me any ways and once I suspected some one of cheating and lost trust in them it wouldn't matter if I had proof or not.

 

Personaly I know that if I wanted to cheat, that I could try to get away with it. The reason I don't cheat is because I enjoy being in a one on one relationship. If I really wanted to date other girls I would just be open about it and expect never to get serious with anybody.

[ADF]

 

I disagree. That seems to be a popular belief that all men in yesteryear were unfaithful, chauvinist clods. That's an insult to my fathers and grandfathers generation.

 

Yes, some men were that way, but I know so may more that were great men, great family men. Also, this idea that grandma was miserable and she would have cheated if given the chance is way off base too. Yes, many women in the past would have acted differently had they lived in modern times, but I also know many older women who are apalled at the behavior of younh women today. They admire their independence, but dislike their behavior.

 

There may not be conclusive proof, but let's be honest, cheating is now at epedemic proportions, and people do it like it's going to the bathroom.

 

You completely missed my point. I wasn't saying men of old were a bunch of cheaters. I was saying that there was probably about as much cheating going on then as there is now. Men in those days were much like men today; not much worse, not much better.

 

The difference is talk about such issues is much more open today, leading some people to conclude that there is an "epidemic" of cheating, as if no one was cheating in our grandparents' day. That's just not so. Also, there is this kind of free-floating idea that society is in some kind of moral decline, that "back in the old days," people were more responsible, respectful and decent than they are today, Again, that is a myth.

[pyroguy]

You are naive to read some article one day, and get all messed up about it. Do you even have a gf right now?

 

I have a gf, and I'm not going to live life scared she is going to cheat on me. Seriously if she cheated on me some weekend away and I never knew and I went on being happy, then that is her burden to bare. Most of the tricks wouldn't work on me any ways and once I suspected some one of cheating and lost trust in them it wouldn't matter if I had proof or not.

 

Personaly I know that if I wanted to cheat, that I could try to get away with it. The reason I don't cheat is because I enjoy being in a one on one relationship. If I really wanted to date other girls I would just be open about it and expect never to get serious with anybody.

 

Wrong, I've known all this for some time, and this article was more alarming.

 

For your info, I'm married with two children. Does that decide what literature I read or don't read? I didn't say that I'm in that situation, or that I don't trust my wife, but I'll tell you, I most definitely am not naive. Trust me.

 

I will say that If this one didn't work out, I would never be married again- maybe not even be in a relationship-unless it was open.

[threebyfate]

This was in Maxim. Seriously, it is a really stupid magazine. I wouldn't let this article get to you.

Maxim is like Cosmo, with all the angst and garbage. It's like reading askmen.com and believing it.

 

Cosmo/Maxim cannot be taken seriously. For myself, I'll openly admit that I read Cosmo once every blue moon, for the clothing ads and makeup tips. The questionnaires can also be fun but not to be taken seriously. If I read and believed everything in Cosmo, I would need new knee pads, every month!

[pyroguy]

You completely missed my point. I wasn't saying men of old were a bunch of cheaters. I was saying that there was probably about as much cheating going on then as there is now. Men in those days were much like men today; not much worse, not much better.

 

The difference is talk about such issues is much more open today, leading some people to conclude that there is an "epidemic" of cheating, as if no one was cheating in our grandparents' day. That's just not so. Also, there is this kind of free-floating idea that society is in some kind of moral decline, that "back in the old days," people were more responsible, respectful and decent than they are today, Again, that is a myth.

 

I see your point, and yes, it's definitely talked about more, but I still say there is a lot more cheating going on, and I've heard stories like these, just not in this magazine.

 

Now, it may simply be due to men and women working together and more oppurtunity, but it's definitely happening, and since we can'tgo back in time, we don't know if the same would have happened given the same oppurtunity.

 

I also disagree that we are not in a moral decline-absolutely are. Not that there weren't bad people in the past, but today, it's really bad.

[Woggle]

Yet women wonder why I don't trust them.

[pyroguy]

Maxim is like Cosmo, with all the angst and garbage. It's like reading askmen.com and believing it.

 

Cosmo/Maxim cannot be taken seriously. For myself, I'll openly admit that I read Cosmo once every blue moon, for the clothing ads and makeup tips. The questionnaires can also be fun but not to be taken seriously. If I read and believed everything in Cosmo, I would need new knee pads, every month!

 

 

yea, and I look at Playboy for the articles . Admit you like the "How to drive your man wild with 5 secret tips nobody else knows" article. And, I think most of us have seen your pic, and you don't need makeup tips from a magazine.

 

In all seriousness, yes, I know the quality of magazine, but it does echo some stories I have heard. Combine that with what you see right here in this very forum-along with the cheating stats and divorce rate, and you have a big mess.

[threebyfate]

yea, and I look at Playboy for the articles . Admit you like the "How to drive your man wild with 5 secret tips nobody else knows" article. And, I think most of us have seen your pic, and you don't need makeup tips from a magazine.

Smooth. Maybe you did learn something from Maxim.

 

Cosmo tips:

1. How to fellate your man while standing on your head. This way you can get smarter with all that blood rushing to your head and he'll bond to you, with all that blood rushing to his little head.
   

In all seriousness, yes, I know the quality of magazine, but it does echo some stories I have heard. Combine that with what you see right here in this very forum-along with the cheating stats and divorce rate, and you have a big mess.

As everyone else is pretty much stating, cheating has been around forever. That's why it's important that people keep their people picker well-tuned so they can avoid the nasties who do it.

 

Words and actions should mesh. If she's jacking you around, her words will reassure but her actions will scream something else. Inconsistency is a big teller!

[alphamale]

So, is it really dante's inferno out there?

pretty much yes

[pyroguy]

pretty much yes

 

I agree .