atombomb Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Hey all - First time posting to any place like this. I was introduced to a guy about two weeks ago. He was introduced by a friend of a friend. He immediately texted me after we met, and has texted me daily since then -- not a LOT, mind you, but once or twice per day. Last week, we spent some time together. First we went to lunch, and had a great date. After, he texted me saying he enjoyed meeting me and wanted to see one another again. After that, he came to see me at work. After that, he asked me to visit him one night while he was working. (We both work jobs with irregular hours, hence the workplace.) All of these were very casual meetings with us just talking and getting to know one another. Then one night last week he invited me over to his place. I felt pretty comfortable with him by that point, so I went over. We spent a few hours just laying side by side watching TV on the couch. I had just gotten off of work, and it was his day off, so it was very laid back, casual. At the end of that evening, I went on a limb and kissed him. He was very affectionate back. We did not have sex. I had made it clear earlier on that I wanted to get to know him and not move too fast. He respected this - which impressed me. When I got home that night he texted me, we chatted briefly, all was good. At this point, based on his reactions and remarks, I decided to be open about my feelings, and I told him I liked him. I didn't go overboard. I said I liked spending time with him and would like to do it more often. ... that brings us to yesterday. I invited him, offhandedly, to a dinner with some friends. He was working, so I told him to get back with me whenever, and let me know. He didn't get back to me until we were almost done with dinner -- this didn't bother me. What bothered me was his message. He apologized for not texting me, and then told me he had gone to dinner with a friend of his own. Am I wrong for feeling like the courteous thing to do in that case would have been to simply send me a quick message, or call and just say "hey, sorry, I have other plans" or even "I'm not feeling up to it" ? ... that brings us to tonight. Not having seen him for a little while, I texted him to say hello. Since he had invited me over to his place the other night, I invited him to mine. We texted for several minutes. I guess I would say it was flirtatious texting. But his comments were along the lines of "I wish I could be there" and "You mean you'll be going to bed alone tonight?" -- those kinds of flirty remarks. Let me clarify -- I've not had aspirations for this beyond maybe a friends with benefits type of thing ... but I do believe in courtesy, FB's or not. So we make plans that end with my telling him to call me when he leaves. He says "Ok" -- and I leave it at that. Well need I say? No call. No show. I don't get it. Was I too forward? Am I naive? Is this guy just a jerk? From all of our past conversations -- and his own initiative in many of those -- I don't honestly think that he's just not interested in me. And frankly I don't mind if it's only ONE thing he's interested in ... at this point, I feel more or less the same way, although there's always hope for more down the line, but I'm grown up enough to know things don't usually go that way, so I'm happy just to be friends with benefits and see where it goes. But this business of not calling, breaking plans ... it really puts me off. Is this guy worth persuing or should I delete him from my phone? Advice, please. Thanks AB
zicke Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'm confused, you clearly state that you have only aspirations for a FWB with this guy, but earlier, you stated you want to get to know him and move slowly before sex. A FWB by nature, is really only a sexual relationship. Moving slowly before sex says to me that you have other designs on this guy. There's nothing wrong in not wanting to be someone's blow up doll that talks. It's OK to admit it. With relation to him standing you up, lose his number. Guys who are into you don't blow of a dinner with you nor do they stand you up. Standing up is to me a dealbreaker and I wouldn't speak with him again. For what? More disappointment? No thanks. Also, you seemed to be doing the majority of the pursuing, is there a reason why you do this?
boogieboy Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 He isnt interested enough to go see you. He's only interested in you if you go to see him. He clearly doesnt care enough to make the effort to travel for you. SO if you want to be FWB with this guy, you will have to offer to travel to him, all the time. He's not coming to you. he doesnt dig you THAT much. BTW, you wont be the only FWB traveling to him....
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