AgeOfUninnocence Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Well, I figured I ought to post here since all my friends have gone to bed now and I can't talk to them. Basically, my boyfriend of 9 months (and close friends for 7 months) broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We were in a long distance relationship of 2 hours due to colleges, but during breaks we were just about 10 minutes away from each other at home. He broke up with me because he said he just didn't feel the same way anymore, and the distance was too hard. Today I found out he has a new girlfriend, and that he got with this girlfriend within about 10 days of dumping me. And this really hurt, because I was finally starting to get over it. However.... she is the strangest choice of a new girlfriend ever. She almost reeks of rebound. At college, my boyfriend started doing pot, and while I disapproved, I just let him know that but I never tried to tell him what to do. This new girlfriend of his gave him an ultimatum that he can either smoke, drink, and do pot, or he can be in a relationship with her, but he can't do both. And so far he's completely agreed to it. She also refuses to have sex until she's married. And my ex was BIG on the sex. I wasn't keen about having sex on the period, but he was still always so eager. I just don't understand how my ex suddenly wants to be with this girl who's telling him what to do and denying him one of a guy's favorite college pasttimes. It almost would have been easier for me if I knew he was going out with a pot smoking prostitute. All of our friends believe this feels like a rebound.... it's also questionable how it'll work out, since summer is coming up soon, and they live 2 hours away from each other. And it's so much harder to visit a long distance girlfriend in the summer when it's unlikely that parents would be willing to let a new boyfriend just stay over... However, on the phone, my ex said he was "happier than he'd been in a long time." So maybe it's really working out? It just seems like she's stopping him from being who he is. I've heard dumpers sometimes act like they're having a wonderful time so they don't have to lose pride in revealing they're just as miserable. Wondering what you guys' opinions are? Does this sound like total rebound material?
Author AgeOfUninnocence Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 So... I did something really bad later that night and I texted him. I let my impulses get the better of me. I'd been thinking of texting him for over an hour, and when I realized this, I texted other friends, I called other friends, but it was all to no avail because I ended up texting him. My ex claims that this new girlfriend happened completely separately and isn't the reason why he left me. So I texted him and told him that somebody else doesn't just happen days after you dump your girlfriend, and that regardless, I was glad he finally found someone that made him actually happy and who could be there with him all day and have crazy sex with all night (low blow-- cause I know that that girl isn't going to have sex until she's married). He responded and said "Think what you want, I'm not willing to argue with you anymore." I responded, "I don't want to argue with you, I just wish you would have been honest and talked to me, and instead I feel like you've been hiding things and dropping them on me." He never responded. I've decided I really need to go NC once and for all, and most especially now that he has a new girlfriend, he doesn't need me or my support. Is it too late for it to work? I'd gone NC for 10 days before breaking it to ask a friendly question about how his vacation was, and then 6 days after that until I found out he had a new girlfriend so soon and got upset that he was hiding it.
carhill Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Whomever she is and whatever he feels, it's no longer your path. That ended when he broke up with you. Examining motives and psychologies and potentials will inhibit your healing and moving forward yourself. He's dead, at least as the man who was your BF
Odyssey Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 OP, pay attention to Carhill's wise words there. I share the same opinion. Look it's his life, he can date whoever he wants, it's really none of your business anymore. In fact keeping tabs on him doesn't help you move on any faster.
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