marsle85 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I've recently posted a few threads about a current situation i'm in... but my intentions for writing this post aren't relevent. I'm just curious where/why/how and when you think (depending on context of relationship, partners, etc) sex should go down. I know another posed the question, "Can you ruin a relationship by waiting too long for sex?" And i'm interested. In my opinion, sex should be an addition to the emotional/mental stimulation of the relationship. But for many, it's a fundamental basis for the pursual of a partner. Actually, I may have even mispoke. I WISH I could have sex with any guy I went out with for the second time- and know that it wouldn't change the relationship. But it simply doesn't work that way, especially because a large portion of the interest he shows is sexually fueled. So. Tell us all about it. How long did you wait? How long do you expect to wait? What is unreasonable to you personally? Do you prefer making small advances? I know I would rather advance physically with the distance emotionally i'm making with my partner. Another problem i've found is that by doing this or that- you're positively reinforcing your guy that "Ok. Dinner. 2nd base. Next day: Dinner. Third base...etc" yadayadayada... A friend of mine (and I know i've experienced this) was dating a guy, they did this or that... and the next time they went out, he expected to this or that. She didn't feel the closeness she had the prior night, and said "i'm sorry, but I'm not where I was before". I know for guys, that's like "uhh hello?" Because he responded: "But we did it before..." After hearing that I was so angry! It seems like guys think "Step A. Conquered. Step B... still in the works...50% conquered." I explained to my friend that it appears men and women think differently, and I don't think he intended to make her feel like an object. You don't "earn" your way to a woman's body. To girls (or atleast myself) I feel like "Ok. I am putting myself out there. Here is this. See? I'm trying..." and for guys it's like, "Wait she's only doing this? What a tease!" So actually, it seems like- by me waiting to make sure the guy is in it for the right reasons, it puts so much pressure on me that I begin doubting the relationship anyway! How do you guage physical/emotional relationships?
bayouboi Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I explained to my friend that it appears men and women think differently lol (10 characters)
threebyfate Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 There's no set time for me. When it feels like the right time with the right guy, it happens. If something's off, it won't happen. The only consistency is that it's never happened without an exclusive relationship. I don't share well.
alphamale Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 How do you guage physical/emotional relationships? each dating situation is different...you go with the flow. when both people feel comfortable enough then they have sex. it may be on the 1st date or on the 15th date. generally women are the gate-keepers to sexual activity so basically the man has to wait until she is ready and willing to put out. some girls give it up early some give it up later and some never at all. basically most men are ready for sex at any time and women inherently know this fact
littlewhiterose Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 There's no set time for me. When it feels like the right time with the right guy, it happens. If something's off, it won't happen. The only consistency is that it's never happened without an exclusive relationship. I don't share well. I have to say the same goes for me.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 each dating situation is different...you go with the flow. when both people feel comfortable enough then they have sex. it may be on the 1st date or on the 15th date. generally women are the gate-keepers to sexual activity so basically the man has to wait until she is ready and willing to put out. some girls give it up early some give it up later and some never at all. basically most men are ready for sex at any time and women inherently know this fact While a woman may be the gate-keeper, it's usually the man that will determine whether there will be any further contact between them after the sexual act. A woman may be genuinely attracted to a man on all levels and want to have sex with him, but fear that even though he'll have sex with her, he will think poorly of her afterward. It gets so complicated.
Author marsle85 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 While a woman may be the gate-keeper, it's usually the man that will determine whether there will be any further contact between them after the sexual act. A woman may be genuinely attracted to a man on all levels and want to have sex with him, but fear that even though he'll have sex with her, he will think poorly of her afterward. It gets so complicated. Yesss, so rough. That's why I def want to take things slow, I'm so weary of being used...you know?
alphamale Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Yesss, so rough. That's why I def want to take things slow, I'm so weary of being used...you know? its random, you can be "used" no matter what speed u go
bac Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 If you are looking for a LTR, you should be safe and wait at least 5 dates before sex. There are too many guys who want to have just sex. Therefore, it is too much work to do to have short-term relationships with them. Unfortunately, even 5 dates waiting does not provide high probability of finding the right men. It is because there are too many males who want to get laid casually. So, those men even agree to wait 5 dates to get laid. There is the only one reliable sign if a man is really into you. It is the quality of his attention which is his openness about himself and having deep, meaningful, open conversations. It is the only thing that men can not fake.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 There is the only one reliable sign if a man is really into you. It is the quality of his attention which is his openness about himself and having deep, meaningful, open conversations. It is the only one thing that men can not fake. hahahaha thats like saying orgasms are the one thing that women cannot fake
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 hahahaha thats like saying orgasms are the one thing that women cannot fake Ahahaha. I can't fake one.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 hahahaha thats like saying orgasms are the one thing that women cannot fake ROFL alpha you are making my night, if you were female I would ask you out
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 M, I think the one thing you can count on is that sex on the first date is bad. I think if a guy is truly into you, he wouldn't push the issue. He would wait and still be comfortable with kisses and snuggling. If he makes a deliberate attempt to coax you with a timeline, then that's a red flag. In fact I dated this one guy who at the end of the night decided to ask me straight out " so when you have sex? After the 4-5 date." Needless to say I was turned off.
tigressA Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 (edited) I had sex on the second date with the guy I'm currently seeing, and we've been dating for nearly 3 months now. I also held off for 4 months with my last boyfriend (though it was because of specific circumstances) and we were together for almost 2 years. I don't ever hold out to play games. I have sex when I feel comfortable enough, and that's worked well for me. If I really like a guy it'll be within the first three dates. Edited March 2, 2010 by tigressA
Art_Critic Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 (edited) You have sex when you want too.. period.. There is no hard and fast rule that affects the outcome of a relationship. My first wife we waited somewhere between 2-3 months before we had sex. We were married 5 years.. but we still divorced The longest relationship I had as a single man of BF-GF was a live-in GF that lasted over 4 years.. We had sex about 2 hours into our first date... but we still broke up over 4 years later.. So..IMO You have sex when you want too... Edited March 2, 2010 by Art_Critic
tkgirl Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 there is no "right answer" on how long, how many dates... there are no guarantees. You could wait months to have sex with a guy, you finally do and it still could be over the next day.. for whatever reason. Or you could have sex the first night and end up happily married a year later! I once had sex with one of my ex's the first night we met. I thought it was probably just going to be a one night stand... instead it turned into a 3+ year relationship that ended because he wanted to get married and I didn't (long story very short!) Sometimes you just got to trust and hope for the best...
Author marsle85 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 tkgirl, I love your responses. Thanks.
tkgirl Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 tkgirl, I love your responses. Thanks. you're welcome! it's such a tricky question... I mean, we all know the right answer should be when you know you love them and they love you... but that could take years!
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