New here on the forums: Should I forgive my girlfriend?

[Lostinemptiness]

Here's some background on what happened. I told my girlfriend that not all guys just want to be friends. Some of them will eventually try to make a move on her. So I asked her not to hang out with them alone i.e. without me or another one of her girl friends. She said I was wrong and that her guy friends are just that. Friends. And said I was just trying to be controlling.

 

Well in an effort to prove me wrong, she went to a baseball game with a guy friend of hers before he left for Florida for University. Her mentality was "I'll go and show him that nothing bad will happen and were just friends".

 

And all was fine up until they had to ride the Metro back to the parking lot. Apparently as she told it, they were on the train and it was very crowded so naturally everyone was tightly packed together. They were talking about the game and telling jokes about funny things they saw while there. An example she used was the hot dog guy. And before she knew it he leaned in and kissed her. She says that by reaction she "locked" her lips with his for only 3 seconds before her brain recovered from the shock and realized what was going on.

 

She claims she immediately pulled away from him and looked away and didn't speak the rest of the ride to the parking lot where her mother picked her up. She said she didn't say anything to him about it because she thought they were just friends and she was very shocked and confused about what had just happened. She said no emotion was involved whatsoever, and she did not want it to happen and didn't know he was going to do it. She hasn't spoken to him since, this I am sure of and does not plan to anymore. He has been blocked from her Facebook as well to ensure all contact is cut off.

 

She has been very upset and didn't tell me because she knew I'd break up with her and she says she loves me too much to lose me and wants to be with me forever. She's been crying non stop for days and even at one point gave me permission to beat her and cheat on her to get revenge so I'd feel better, but she just has to have me back. Of course I'd never do these things as I don't agree with them, and I love her very much.

 

Should I take her back? Should I believe her story? Especially you women out there, have any of you had similar experiences that could give input on the situation? I feel very confused and lost at all of this and I need to know if taking her back is the right choice. She did lie and hide it from me for close to 6 months, but claims it was only out of fear of losing me because It didn't mean anything to her at all and she just wanted to forget it ever happened. Please help.

 

Thank you all in advance. Sorry my post was so long.

[Art_Critic]

Just my take on this...

 

If you broke up with her because some guy decided to kiss her then you are a control freak...

If you broke up with her because she has guy friends then you are a control freak..

 

and...

 

If you did break up with her and you want to take her back but you have to forgive her first.. then you are a control freak..

 

Get where I'm coming from ?

 

Personally I think she should break up with you..

You have to let her be her own person..

If she has a friend that steps out of line it is up to her to deal with it and then your part is to support her in dealing with a dickhead friend, not breakup with her..

 

Now.. if there is more to this story than you wrote on LS then maybe I'm wrong..

[samsungxoxo]

To be honest I don't think you're ready for a committed relationship. If your ex is telling you that she pulled away from him after the kiss then it means she cared enough to not hurt you.

 

Is there something more into it that is making you doubt the whole relationship other than the kissing incidence? If not then you got some issues and I would suggest work on yourself before getting involve in a relationship.

[Lostinemptiness]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I never would break up with her for having friends. That would be a douche move. I just know her guy friends can't be trusted because I've heard the way they talk about other women. I told her it's ok to have friends, just do me a favor and don't hang with these dudes alone because it makes me uncomfortable. She agreed, but didn't discuss with me that she felt it was me being controlling. I just didn't want her in a position to be taken advantage of, considering she'd be alone with another guy and no one there to help or look after her.

 

And my problem isn't with the kiss...but the fact that she lied to me about it for such a long time. Had she told me the night of I would have said thank you for being honest, now don't you see why I didn't trust them? Something like that. But considering she hid it from, I now don't know if what she is saying is even the truth. She may be hiding a lot of details about the events that took place. My concern is taking into account that she lied, and given her take on the events of that night, would it be a good idea to believe her story as the truth and forgive her for lying and get back together?

 

Sorry if anyone mistakes my original post. I'm really not a controlling boyfriend. I just expressed my concerns of being uncomfortable with her being alone and would much rather her bring a friend to tag along.

[samsungxoxo]

In that case I would trust that she was being honest about it and didn't wanted to hurt your feelings.

I think you should have a talk with her and depending on her gesture, you'll notice if it's true what she told you.

[Art_Critic]

And my problem isn't with the kiss...but the fact that she lied to me about it for such a long time. Had she told me the night of I would have said thank you for being honest, now don't you see why I didn't trust them?

 

Have you asked her why she didn't tell you that night ?

 

She may have felt that she had it under control and there was no reason to tell you.

I don't think she was in a position that she absolutely needed to tell you and then have you thank her for being honest..

 

She may have felt that you would go bonkers on her and break up with her because of how you have treated her before.

 

OR..

 

She didn't tell you because she had feelings for the guy and she knew you would she that..

 

Start by having a discussion with her about the whole deal and clear the air and stop blaming her for things beyond her control..

I can imagine that another guy kissing your girl would get your dander up.. it would with most guys.. the key would be your next move..

 

You didn't act.. instead you reacted..

[Lostinemptiness]

To be honest I don't think you're ready for a committed relationship. If your ex is telling you that she pulled away from him after the kiss then it means she cared enough to not hurt you.

 

Is there something more into it that is making you doubt the whole relationship other than the kissing incidence? If not then you got some issues and I would suggest work on yourself before getting involve in a relationship.

 

I don't doubt our relationship, but she did cheat on a previous boyfriend a while before me and her got together. He had been emotionally neglecting her for quite some time and got caught up in the moment with a close friend that she confided in. So it's always had me on my guard, to be on the look out for any signs or anything odd that might suggest shes cheating. But we've been together over a year now and aside from this, she's been great.

 

I personally put honesty as my number 1 in any relationship, so I was a bit upset to find out she'd been lying. But as far as the kiss I'm confindent (given her story is the truth) that she reacted in the correct way. But that's where my confusion lies. To believe what she says as truth, or not. The break was due entirely to her lying not the kiss. As I said, had she been honest and fessed up the night it happened, I would have been quite happy with her actions.

[Lostinemptiness]

Have you asked her why she didn't tell you that night ?

 

She may have felt that she had it under control and there was no reason to tell you.

I don't think she was in a position that she absolutely needed to tell you and then have you thank her for being honest..

 

She may have felt that you would go bonkers on her and break up with her because of how you have treated her before.

 

OR..

 

She didn't tell you because she had feelings for the guy and she knew you would she that..

 

Start by having a discussion with her about the whole deal and clear the air and stop blaming her for things beyond her control..

I can imagine that another guy kissing your girl would get your dander up.. it would with most guys.. the key would be your next move..

 

You didn't act.. instead you reacted..

 

She said she didn't tell me because she was afraid that I'd be very upset and hurt. I've had previous relationships with women who cheated just because they enjoyed the sex. Of course I found out the hard way. So I made it clear to her before we began dating that I was 100% against it and don't give second chances to cheaters. I'm guessing she was afraid I'd consider it cheating and leave her, but the issue was her lying about it.

 

I've always told her as long as you don't actively participate in the act of cheating, and are honest with me with anything for that matter, that everything will be fine and we'll work it out because I love her. For whatever the reason I guess she thought that I would consider it cheating. Which I don't. To cheat you need to give consent.

 

I doubt she has feelings for him. They hardly ever saw each other or spoke for that matter. He was leaving the state and I guess figured he'd make a move before he leaves and see what became of it.

[Art_Critic]

I personally put honesty as my number 1 in any relationship, so I was a bit upset to find out she'd been lying. But as far as the kiss I'm confindent (given her story is the truth) that she reacted in the correct way. But that's where my confusion lies. To believe what she says as truth, or not. The break was due entirely to her lying not the kiss. As I said, had she been honest and fessed up the night it happened, I would have been quite happy with her actions.

 

I understand about having a GF lie to you.. I dated a girl many years ago that lied so much my head would spin and I would wonder why she would lie to me..

I think she would tell me at least 3 lies each day.. if not more..

Alcohol played a big role in her lying..

She got dumped..

 

But your GF doesn't lie to you..

She did withhold this incident from you and you have said that everything else is fine..

 

Are you so unforgiving that you hold her to the exact line of lying to you about this that you would break up over this ?

 

Why ?..

 

Did you ask her about this incident and she tell you a direct lie ?

 

Has she told you more lies than this one incident ?

[Lostinemptiness]

I understand about having a GF lie to you.. I dated a girl many years ago that lied so much my head would spin and I would wonder why she would lie to me..

I think she would tell me at least 3 lies each day.. if not more..

Alcohol played a big role in her lying..

She got dumped..

 

But your GF doesn't lie to you..

She did withhold this incident from you and you have said that everything else is fine..

 

Are you so unforgiving that you hold her to the exact line of lying to you about this that you would break up over this ?

 

Why ?..

 

Did you ask her about this incident and she tell you a direct lie ?

 

Has she told you more lies than this one incident ?

 

I found out a few days after it happened that she had gone. I asked her if anything happened while she was there and she flat out told me no, she'd never hurt me.

 

Then six months later I found out from a friend of the guy who kissed her what really happened. I confronted her about it, and since she knew that I knew, she confessed and told me the whole story. Whether it's true or not, I guess I'll never know for sure.

[Art_Critic]

Dude.. just talk with her and work this out..

 

Check you ego at the door and don't make her feel sub par when you guys discuss this..

and fer gawds sakes.. don't make her beg..

 

It looks like she lied to you to spare you the pain or to spare her the drama..

 

you can get past this..

[Lostinemptiness]

Dude.. just talk with her and work this out..

 

Check you ego at the door and don't make her feel sub par when you guys discuss this..

and fer gawds sakes.. don't make her beg..

 

It looks like she lied to you to spare you the pain or to spare her the drama..

 

you can get past this..

 

I appreciate the harshness of your answers. Pure honesty is hard to come by these days and I think your words have really put things into a clear perspective that I didn't think was possible before. Hence why I came here looking for advice. You, and the other poster seem quite knowledgeable.

 

Thanks to both of you for calling me out on my own personal BS

 

Sometimes these things are hard to see unless you step out of your shadow and take an outside look. Most of the problems stem from my best friend. He's a complete douche when it comes to how to treat a girl. Most of the time I ignore him, but every once in a while he'll say something that makes sense and it makes me wonder, and further clouds my judgment.

 

Thanks again to both of you!

 

And sorry if my original post made me seem like a doucher Honest to God I'm really not haha. I'll take the advice you guys gave me to heart and hopefully it'll make me a better man. I look forward to the look on her face when I give her the good news.