Graywulfx Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'm faced with a moral dilemma. Three weeks ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me for another guy. She apparently had been cheating with on me with him for a month or so. As I dug deeper I discovered that she had cheated on me two additional times. She has since moved back to her parent's house and has lost everything, with the exception of my old car. Prior to the split I sold it to her and agreed to take monthly payments until she could find a loan. After the split I gave her 3 weeks to find a loan and explained that I would reposes my car if she couldn't make the payment in full. Now, after failing to get a loan she is offering to make monthly payments. Should I take payments? Take the Car? Refund the 3 payments she made? (Out of 5) I know taking the car will put her parents in a rough spot and they have been very good to me over the years. Her father even called me offering to back up her monthly payment plan.
Author Graywulfx Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 That would mean I'm stuck taking interest free monthly payments for a year and still have connections to her. Its her only way of getting to work. Is helping her out worth the trouble? I could very easily sell it to someone else and have the cash right now.
paleblue Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Take the payments from her dad only. i agree with this. get the payments from the father. in fact why doesnt he just mail you a check then you dont have to deal with any of it. boom. than forget it and move on.
onedayatatyme Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Man, this is totally up to you. I don't think you have any moral or ethical obligation to help her. Especially if continued contanct (even if the dad is the intermediate) will cause you any degree of continues pain or discomfort. There is no right or wrong answer here. If you're a nice, unselfish guy (sounds to me like you're not bent on revenge) it's OK to help her. BUT there is no need at all for you to accept any terms that you're not comfortable with.
Ronni_W Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 That would mean I'm stuck taking interest free monthly payments for a year and still have connections to her. You said she's made 3 of 5 monthly payments. That means 2 months left, not a year. If your original repayment agreement did not include interest, that was your oversight at that time. Lesson learned, you won't make the same mistake again, yes? In any case, since she's only got two payments left, you're only losing interest (although, not really since it wasn't in the agreement) on the current balance owing...and for two months, not a year. If you're not desperate for the amount of cash that the two months of payments adds up to, take the high road and make it easier on her Dad at the same time. Or. Pay her 3 months of payments in a lump sum...so that you can "net" 2 months of payments, on top of scoring the hassle of finding a new buyer, getting the car certified (if that's a requirement where you live.) That is. GIVE her 3 so that you can get 2 from some new buyer that you have yet to find. Doesn't really make sense to me, from a practical point of view. Though I do get that you may receive some long or short-term emotional satisfaction.
Author Graywulfx Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 I really appreciate all of your input on this. It has been almost impossible for me to get a non biased point of view on the subject so your views are invaluable. Let me clarify a couple things. She has made 3 of the 5 required monthly payments PRIOR to the break up. She still would have had an outstanding 10 months of payments had I arranged a payment plan with her. Neither her father, or she could arrange to get a $4000 loan from ANY bank to pay the balance in full. In my mind, I just feel that I would be setting myself up for heartache and a potential monetary loss. If a bank wouldn't dare to set up a payment plan that included interest... Something isn't right. I have since taken the car back and it almost broke my heart. I understand that this is all a result of her decisions, but seeing her fall over crying really did a number on me. That natural protective instinct kicked in. I also feel for her family... Money is tight on their end, and her not having a car will put a burden on the family. I'm debating on calling her dad and arranging a payment plan directly with him. Any thoughts on that?
NopeNah Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 If you do give it back and accept payments be sure everything is in writing. But,I think her new guy should give her a car.
Ronni_W Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I'm debating on calling her dad and arranging a payment plan directly with him. If this won't put a strain on your own budget/cashflow, I'd suggest it would be the 'kind and decent' thing to do. Also, it sounds as if you DON'T do it, then you're the one going to be suffering from a certain amount of guilt...if so, why bother to put yourself through it? Since this would, in effect, be a new agreement, reminder to also discuss with him the rate of interest that you want (and include an amortization schedule with the "IOU" agreement - s/b a template with your spreadsheet software.)
kyta Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 God this is easy, u allready took the car back, leave it at that sell the car and walk away, live with the guilt of it, she didnt care ehrn she was in bed with these other guys, when she was with you, she aint feeling guilt for your pain, you have no guilt, walk away, she made her bed now let her lie in it, you owe her nothing, she fooked other guys behind you back, remember that when you feel guilt.
Author Graywulfx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Thanks for putting things in perspective kyta. You're right, I don't owe her any sympathy whatsoever. I'm lettin my heart cloud my judgement. I'll see the car and be done with it all. It isn't my responsibility to bail either her or her parents out. They made their beds now they get to sleep in it. Again, thanks for all of your input.
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