Ever been in love, but feel like there is someone else you are supposed to meet?

[torranceshipman]

Hmm...hard one without knowing you. I initially thought, mid life crisis...or some guy who just can't appreciate what he has. But sure, you might be 'settling' - you'd probably know that yourself...how did it feel when you 2 got together? Like true love, or, 'this is fun' kinda thing, but nothing more?

 

Just don't be that guy that messes it up because he got bored and didnt appreciate what he had, as I get the feeling your lady will walk if you mess her around - she sounds like a catch. Also, sounds like you two spend most of your time together. What do you think it'd be like if she suddenly wasnt there?

 

On the flip side...lack of intellectual stimulation can be awful and if you are sure this is a permanent problem then I personally would have already walked, so I can really see where you are coming from there...

 

 

Good luck!

Edited March 1, 2010 by torranceshipman

[spookie]

all i know is, it's possible to be completely miserable with magic, and perfectly happy without it. i, too, used to think it was the only thing i was looking for, but having ended up in an r that sounds much like yours, i would not risk losing what i have.

[spookie]

remember too that magic withoiut sexual compatibility is basically worthless, except in rendering one suicidally depressed. its not that easy to find someone youd want to keep banging after 6 years.

[silverfish]

all i know is, it's possible to be completely miserable with magic, and perfectly happy without it. i, too, used to think it was the only thing i was looking for, but having ended up in an r that sounds much like yours, i would not risk losing what i have.

 

Agreed about the miserable part 100%

[EarthSea]

....... The question is, what qualities are you willing to give up to have that intellectual stimulation? You know, like the qualities that your gf has now?

 

Man, thats the conundrum. It would mean giving up a woman that genuinely loves me and with whom I have had the best sexual relationship I've ever experienced. I'd elaborate on that, but I think this forum is rated PG-13? Lets just say what most men wish their GF's or wives were into --- she is, in a BIG way.

 

But like I said upthread, great sex will not sustain for the long haul - and we have found the most "adventures" together through our wild behavior.

 

Honestly - I'm feel staying or leaving it's both good and bad - no easy answer.

 

THANKS for the reply boogieboy!

[EarthSea]

OK, this makes more sense to me. If intellectual stimulation is important to you, and she isn't curious or can make you laugh hard, then yeah -- I can see how you would crave that. For me, that intellectual spark is so important!

 

BUT, sometimes you can't have everything. It's hard enough to find someone you love who loves you back. If you're willing to give this up in hopes of finding something more -- think hard about it -- but also do what you need to do, keeping in mind you will probably lose Mariah forever.

 

Thanks pandagirl --- thinking hard for sure

 

My romantic side says maybe to let her go, to find that woman that rocks my mind as much as my heart - my pragmatic side says keep her, cause it's not reaally broke. The thing is, I'm a lot more romantic then I am pragmatic. So maybe I know which way this thing is going....dang.

[EarthSea]

all i know is, it's possible to be completely miserable with magic, and perfectly happy without it. i, too, used to think it was the only thing i was looking for, but having ended up in an r that sounds much like yours, i would not risk losing what i have.

 

Appreciate the reply spookie! And I was struck by your response. QUESTION: How is it possible to be completely miserable with *magic*??? I can only imagine if that happened, the magic went away or turned out to not be magic at all.

 

Please elaborate if your so inclined.

 

Thanks.

[threebyfate]

Thanks for the response threebyfate. Intellectual stimulation = she surprises me, she has a driving curiosity about what is going on in the world, her creative humor gives me that deep belly laugh, and she can wax poetic or romantic with her mind, not just her body....for starters anyway.

 

Mariah is book smart - she has a Masters. But I'm rarely surprised and she's just not that curious. Too add, and this could be BIG - she is a single mother to two (just turned) teenagers. Kinda hard to not be distracted eh? My kids are older.

Do you also bring all these things to the table, Earthsea?

[silverfish]

Appreciate the reply spookie! And I was struck by your response. QUESTION: How is it possible to be completely miserable with *magic*??? I can only imagine if that happened, the magic went away or turned out to not be magic at all.

 

Please elaborate if your so inclined.

 

Thanks.

 

Were you married / in a relationship before. have you ever felt *magic* with anyone previously and how would you define it...how did it end?

[EarthSea]

Do you also bring all these things to the table, Earthsea?

 

Great question! On the stuff I mentioned, YES - absolutely. But since you asked, there are also qualities that she brings to the table that I lack....

 

Including unconditional love, the ability to be patient in most situations, organization (in living space) and a steady temperament.

 

I'm not saying I'm too good for her; I am saying I'm struggling with why I feel I am missing something (or someone) that would be more meaningful.

[spookie]

Appreciate the reply spookie! And I was struck by your response. QUESTION: How is it possible to be completely miserable with *magic*??? I can only imagine if that happened, the magic went away or turned out to not be magic at all.

 

Please elaborate if your so inclined.

 

Thanks.

 

you can feel magical about someone, but want different things out of life. you might want to be a dead_broke musician, and she a mother. even youre both willing to compromise, if you cant meet each others needs, you wont be happy.

 

in the example of me and my magical exbf whom it took me more than two years to "get over", i wanted to have sex more than two times a day, while he wanted it... about once a week. i loved him, and i didnt want anyone else, which is why we tried for many years to compromise... but in the end the rejections, the tears, and the fights caused by this incompatibility wore us all the way down. in the end, i think we still loved each other - at least, i still loved him _ but we were so unhappy.

 

my mundane current bf likes sex as much as i do. he has no idea how much i appreciate that.

[threebyfate]

Great question! On the stuff I mentioned, YES - absolutely. But since you asked, there are also qualities that she brings to the table that I lack....

 

Including unconditional love, the ability to be patient in most situations, organization (in living space) and a steady temperament.

 

I'm not saying I'm too good for her; I am saying I'm struggling with why I feel I am missing something (or someone) that would be more meaningful.

So she's pragmatic, earthy and grounded, where you're more the romantic.

 

You can have it all, if you give her up. But it will take time. Are you willing to give up someone like her? Keep in mind that right now, you're feeling secure. If you lose her grounding, where will you be?

 

But if she bores the hell outta' you, sex won't bind a relationship forever.

[spookie]

dont underestimate the importance of sexually compatibility, earth.. if youve got it, youre so lucky.

 

imagine this scenario. you just finished up an evening of amazint emotional/ intellectual connection with your soulmate gf. its time for bed. you hug her close, start to kiss her... and she says not tonight. again. how do you think that would make you feel?

 

is that a better date, overall, then some common mundane fun with mariah, followed by a night of sex yuou both enjoy?

 

i know sex wont sustain a relationship for the long haul, but read the marriage forums for some idea of what the lack of it looks like. magic or not.

[EnglishMuffin]

We share the same progressive values, enjoy being physically active, both are divorced parents not seeking to have more children, enjoy affection and touch often, have an amazing (wild) sex life, enjoy plenty of physical attraction in both directions (she is a former fitness model), we both are into living simply and eco-friendly, and even enjoy the same foods.

 

Mariah is book smart - she has a Masters. But I'm rarely surprised and she's just not that curious. Too add, and this could be BIG - she is a single mother to two (just turned) teenagers. Kinda hard to not be distracted eh? My kids are older.

 

Perhaps just a personal curiosity, but could you elaborate what fields you and your girlfriend are in? Are you working in the field that requires more creative energy and mind? Do you guys have topics that lead to a stimulating conversation? Is it her lack of interest in matters that you find absolutely fascinating? Or...do you just feel that you are not completely related and understood?

 

My apologies to throw in many question marks at once!

[gypsy_nicky]

SOunds more of a midlife crisis to me.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yep, I think this is a case of the grass being greener on that ephemeral other side. But if he's determined to go, nothing we say is going to stop him. Sounds like he's gone already, in fact.

[Mr White]

So she's pragmatic, earthy and grounded, where you're more the romantic.

 

You can have it all, if you give her up. But it will take time. Are you willing to give up someone like her? Keep in mind that right now, you're feeling secure. If you lose her grounding, where will you be?

 

But if she bores the hell outta' you, sex won't bind a relationship forever.

 

That, and also his age. While I admire anybody with mojo and energy at an advanced middle age, chances are you (like most people) tend to overestimate yourself. Dude, you're pushing 50! You may feel 30, but you're 50, with the resulting limitations! It is one thing if you were actually unhappy, but to ruin a good thing in the pursuit of you-don't-know-what is self-destructive. The boomers have gotten away with self-destructive behavior in the past, but the world is no longer this cushy place you grew up in and got used to. Old habbits die hard .

 

I'm all for taking risks when it is worth it. Ruining a good relationship because of the chance of something better is exactly the same as junking your reliable car just because one day you could win the lottery and buy a Lexus LS.. Even if you did, it's still a car, with similar issues and problems.

[EarthSea]

Perhaps just a personal curiosity, but could you elaborate what fields you and your girlfriend are in? Are you working in the field that requires more creative energy and mind? Do you guys have topics that lead to a stimulating conversation? Is it her lack of interest in matters that you find absolutely fascinating? Or...do you just feel that you are not completely related and understood?

 

My apologies to throw in many question marks at once!

 

Thanks for the great questions EnglishMuffin!

 

This is a hard question because I don't want to come across as arrogant, but to put it simply - her lack of curiosity and intellectual creativity kinda bores me. The father of her kids is not too involved and she went into the role of single mom in her early 20's and that pretty much has been her priority (as it should) for the last 15 years. On the flip side, I traveled to many exotic locales and had many more experience before I started my dad duties with my own kiddos at age 30. So we are 12 years apart in age and light years apart in worldly experience. That being said, you can still be a local and have a beautiful compassionate heart (which she does). She is wonderful in so many ways --- but frankly, after 6 years together - intellectually anyway, she just kinda bores me. Hate saying it, but it's true. So either I accept her for what she does bring to the table - the on balance wonderful stuff - or leave good to find "amazing" - and there is no guarantee of that anyway. BTW, I have never told her ---- you bore me. That would be mean.

Edited March 4, 2010 by EarthSea
kant spel

[Twenty-ten]

but frankly, after 6 years together - intellectually anyway, she just kinda bores me.

 

 

That is probably the worst thing that could happen in a relationship because from that so many other aspects will suffer. The biggest sex organ is the brain if that is not being stimulated guess what happens next...

[EnglishMuffin]

EarthSea, I think I can relate to how you feel. What is not necessary for others can be an essence for life for some people. Unfortunately a curious mind is an innate gift, and we don't have powers to change another person in that regard. All I could say is, I am very sorry.

[norajane]

This is a hard question because I don't want to come across as arrogant, but to put it simply - her lack of curiosity and intellectual creativity kinda bores me. The father of her kids is not too involved and she went into the role of single mom in her early 20's and that pretty much has been her priority (as it should) for the last 15 years. On the flip side, I traveled to many exotic locales and had many more experience before I started my dad duties with my own kiddos at age 30. So we are 12 years apart in age and light years apart in worldly experience.

 

As a fellow romantic, I'm disappointed in you! Where is your creative imagination in this situation? What are you doing to wake that spark in her?

 

Poor woman set aside her "adventure years" to be a single mom long ago, and yes, she had to table that adventurous spirit she may have had back then in favor of being the stable presence for her children to get their lives on the right track. She had to put herself and her dreams aside. She's probably forgotten what it's like to have the luxury of that intellectual freedom.

 

You can wake up Sleeping Beauty and revive that intellectual curiosity! You can reintroduce her to that delicious freedom and passion! If you're having the kind of sex you say you're having, I do not for a minute believe the woman has no curiosity and imagination and desire for stimulation. Start small and work your way up to bigger things, but make it your mission to rouse the sleeping spirit in her.

 

And soon, she wont' have the responsibilities to her kids that she has now - she will be free to let go and grow into her own, she will be free to blossom. She's never had that chance, and if you walk away without even trying to open that door with her, then you are not giving this relationship a chance.

 

No, there is no woman out there calling your name. That's crazy talk. But there is a woman in your life, and you aren't opening your imagination to what could be with her once the mommy-shackles are off.