Scarlett513 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I would really appreciate any insight. My ex/bf and I broke up last week. It was the 2nd time in 3 weeks. Both times it seems the reason for the breakup was that we had a fight and instead of him talking to me, he shuts down. My reaction to him shutting down is to overreact and freak out on him. The 1st time I ended it, and we got back together. The 2nd time it was him - he kept talking about how hard it was and how maybe we should start over and not be committed to take the pressure off. I told him I understand but that I don't do breaks (which he already knew) and that he can't have everything, so it was over. The very next day I start getting emails/calls/texts from him. I ignored him for a few days wanting to do no contact, but eventually he got to me and I talked to him. He tells me he wants to work things out and asks to get together, so we did that this weekend. We had a nice day, but it turns out he still wants to do this starting over/no pressure/no commitment thing, which he KNOWS I am against. He says he wants to be with me, he loves me, he doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, and that he has every intention of getting back together officially but that he is very busy right now with other things (this is actually true) and since I am going to be away on vacation next week, so it's bad timing for us to really work on things and focus on the relationship. I'm torn. Half of me doesn't believe in breaks, and I want someone who really truly only wants to be with me. I feel that if he wants this non-commitment thing, no matter what he says, he's really just looking to see what else is out there. The other part of me thinks it's a good idea, that jumping right back in where we left off would be a mistake, and that I myself might like to keep my options open to figure out if being with him is really what I want. BUT I don't want to be taken advantage of, used, or hurt again. I don't want to be a doormat. So if anyone has any advice, I would be very grateful. Thanks,
livinlovin Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 My advice: if you don't want to be a doormat, don't let yourself be a doormat. It sounds pretty clear that you are not okay with a no commitment thing, so I fear you'd compromise yourself and your values if you accepted it.
boogieboy Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Not be committed? You smothered him and he had to get away from you. Thats what he was really thinking. I wouldnt count on him coming back to you, not when he WANTS to stay away from you.
Author Scarlett513 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 I'm not sure what I said in the OP to indicate that I had smothered him. But even if that were true, he's the one coming around wanting to hang out since we broke up. He's the one calling, texting, and begging for me to give him the time of day. If he had felt so smothered, what is this all about? If it was about sex, I'm sure he could find that elsewhere, especially since he isn't getting any from me at the moment.
boogieboy Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'm not sure what I said in the OP to indicate that I had smothered him. But even if that were true, he's the one coming around wanting to hang out since we broke up. He's the one calling, texting, and begging for me to give him the time of day. If he had felt so smothered, what is this all about? If it was about sex, I'm sure he could find that elsewhere, especially since he isn't getting any from me at the moment. Because he gets to talk to you on his terms instead of yours. He doesnt have to talk about the things that he doesnt want to talk about, and he misses the girl that didnt ask him those questions.
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