Dingo444 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Hey everyone, I thought I could turn to this forum for some potential ideas or advice for my current situation..... About 2 weeks ago, I went out with my friends. It was me and my buddy, then a girl he is somewhat seeing and her friend. We have all been friends for a while but has recently started hanging out. Well needless to say the night was great, I danced a lot with the one girl and we had a geniunely fun time. That sunday, we went out for v-day...dinner and a movie, talked a lot and got to know each other well. She came over the following day to watch a movie and hangout again. Then a few days later we hung out again and ended up kissing and she fell asleep in my arms Then that weekend we had more fun, and this is when I really started getting comfortable with things...last sunday she sent me many nice messages saying how she really likes me and how I'm very different than other guys shes been with..she even gave me a not too serious, but cute nickname. (She had been hooking up with her ex for the last few months and hes hurt her a lot, so perhaps I was a good thing for her) I said many nice things to her that made her really say how sweet I was and how amazing of a guy I am...I was on cloud 9. Then all the sudden, things got weird. The day after she sent all those nice texts she was super short with me, and not even bothering to talk to me at all. I tried attempts of talking, but she just was very short and not like herself that I was used to previously. We hung out once last week and she was just so blah about things. I asked her later on and she said she was stressed from work and not over her ex.... I guess my question is...what happened? I understand not being over someone, but for her to say the things she did just kinda confuses me because I thought things were going so well between us and now all the sudden she doesnt even talk to me. Does anyone have any sort of advice on what I should do?
JohnM Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Did she say that it was about her work and Nothing to do with her EX without a prompt from you?
Author Dingo444 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 No...I did somewhat confront her on it...not in a violent or angry way. I just asked her what was up because she seemed sorta distant...she then said she didnt have much to talk about, was having a hard time getting over tim and was just honestly exhausted. She did talk in person about work stressing her out a lot so I know it wasnt all fluff. I knew she wouldnt be over her ex immediately...but she got clingy quick, as did I and now I feel like I'm the one standing here hurt and caring when she doesnt.
JohnM Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Has it been long? Its pretty crappy that she got majorly into you before pulling away and being cold, for sure. But, don't be thinking too much about it, she says shes having trouble getting over her ex; you were probably there on hand when she needed a pick me up and boost I guess. I imagine you're confused, give her a week or two of space. If she is still being cold with you and its playing on your mind then it may be worth distancing yourself as whats the gain to be messed around and not know where you stand? You can always ask for some clarification on where you stand at that point and you can state you appreciate she needs the time but that you don't like being messed about too. She'll be thinking mostly about her own needs and internal emotions right now so just take your thinking cap off if you can.
Author Dingo444 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Well the night we went out, the 4 of us..her ex was there. They have been still hooking up, even up until that night I believe. He's made her cry a lot too..I had her call me to confide and vent one night. She just said a lot of things to me and she was definately different than any other girl. I guess I just want answers from her. I don't want to come off as creepy though asking about "us" and where we stand and what can happen because it doesn't seem like she wants that anymore...
JohnM Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I guess I just want answers from her. I don't want to come off as creepy though asking about "us" and where we stand and what can happen because it doesn't seem like she wants that anymore... So you want answers on what happened. You don't think she wants a relationship with you. Do you want one with her?
Author Dingo444 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 So you want answers on what happened. You don't think she wants a relationship with you. Do you want one with her? I do want answers on why she just dropped talking to me alltogether when she seemed so into me only days before. Perhaps she is still talking to her ex and not telling me....he has a girlfriend though so he should be moving on, he also plays games with her which won't help her move on any faster. I'd also love a relationship with her, she is someone I hit it off with immediately and really fell hard for even though it was a short amount of time, which has made this so hard for me. I think it mostly has to do with her ex, she is upset and misses him and maybe tried to fill the void with me and I ended up being a rebound perhaps? I hate to think that, but it does make a lot of sense. I don't know if I should text her, I've tried a few times and she is unresponsive to me or she'll be very short and I just keep scratching my head about it. I even tried to see if she'd go out for a bite to eat (which she was all about before last monday) and now she blows the invite off or always has something to do.
alphamale Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 ... and how I'm very different than other guys shes been with.. that means she doesn't date nice guys
Author Dingo444 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 that means she doesn't date nice guys thats true...she is probably someone who sets herself up in bad situations, I was just hoping I could've been the exception that made her happy down the road...I wasn't looking to start a relationship immediately, I just wanted to work towards it
Beccakeil Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Here's what I think... She probably feels all confused and when she was with you, I mean like hanging out and being into you. It's probably because she IS into you, it all happened spontanously and she liked it. But when she had time to think it over. She remembered she still had feelings for her ex. And well... when you have feelings for someone you are always thinking that you could be with that person, in her case being back with him. So she might have felt she was betraying those feelings for him by being with you. So her response is to probably blow you off right now. Trust me, she feels terrible about being like that to you... But she doesn't see any other way. What she needs to understand here, is that her ex isn't good for her, and that it's over. And that you are there now. But for that, she needs time to clear it all out, if it's meant to happen it will. Right now, just give her space and I'm sure it will all turn out. Don't be pushy but let her know you are there for her. Good Luck
TouchedByViolet Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 If she cared about you she wouldn't give you all this silent treatment. She wants her ex and she is probably talking to him (if not doing more) resulting in her getting all depressed and then calling you. Then she will come to you crying and be like he hurt me, I can't believe i loved him, he is such a monster etc. etc. you are such a great friend, I wish my boyfriend was like you, I'll never find a good guy etc. etc. even with you right next to her, (lots of BS) you will be hurt. She will not make a good girl friend and you CAN'T change her. If you just want to get laid that is an option, but remember it won’t be more than that. If you just want sex, best thing you can do is NOT be there for her and make her work for your attention. Only meet with her when you want. Invite her out next time you go out with your friends or something. And if she doesn't come out her loss. Make it clear she is there so you can have a GOOD TIME, you don’t care about all her problems. It’s not like she cares about you. Honestly, you sound like a good guy so you should look for a girl who will care about you.
Author Dingo444 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 So basically don't try to communicate with her? Her ex has moved on and has a gf but to my knowledge he still will mess around with the girl I like if you catch my drift. It's a tough situation cuz we clicked well in my mind but I suppose I was wrong since she doesn't seem interested anymore.
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