ussy Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I know ive started a lot of topics on here now, Ive just got this last thing eating away at me, once this is answered i think ill be able to move on a lot quicker (obviously will depend on the answer though). I was with my ex gf for 3 years. For the first half of the relationship we hadn't split up at all. During that time i was a complete jerk to her, i did some bad things which i dont even want to mention at all, and she left me, rightly so. However, after she came back to me i really did change, i stopped being such a selfish person and became a much better guy to be with. The thing is though, that when we broke up this time at first she didn't really have a reason. Then with time she just kept on telling me that she left me because of some stuff i did. I was just speechless, because i kept on reminding her that this was like 2 years ago, and i hadn't even done them things after that. I just cant understand her. My sister says that she's using these as excuses and making me even blame myself. I just wanted to know, can you really leave someone who you claimed you loved because of some things they did 2 years prior to that?? After you forgave them and never even mentioned them once after that? This just really eats at me inside, because then i keep thinking to myself that it was all my fault. How can i be so stupid though, surely my sister is right that she is only use them as excuses? It doesn't make any sense to me that she could leave me now because of stuff i did 2 years ago....Why would she have gotten back with me after that then... any help
alphamale Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 It doesn't make any sense to me that she could leave me now because of stuff i did 2 years ago....Why would she have gotten back with me after that then... any help she is lying thru her teeth....she did not leave you for stuff you did 2 years ago. there is another reason that she is not disclosing
Author ussy Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 she is lying thru her teeth....she did not leave you for stuff you did 2 years ago. there is another reason that she is not disclosing Thats what i think to myself, but i cant help it, my mind always thinks "what if it is really because of what you did, why did you do that" i cant live like that, thats just pathetic. It doesn't even make sense what shes saying
alphamale Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 It doesn't even make sense what shes saying well it wouldn't be the first time a female didn't make sense....she is hiding something very important
Author ussy Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 well it wouldn't be the first time a female didn't make sense....she is hiding something very important I think so too, i guess in times like this you just have to prepare yourself for the worst right? I just wish i could know what the thing actually is. I guess im never gonna find out, coz after she left me i made every mistake in the book! Begged her for 2 months and now its finally become clear to me that she just wants nothing to do with me, hard to swallow. Btw id appreciate it if more people could give their opinions on my original question, would help me a great deal. Thanks to everyone who does
Ronni_W Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 (edited) can you really leave someone who you claimed you loved because of some things they did 2 years prior to that?? No...and yes. She may have been WANTING to forgive you for whatever it was but she never quite achieved that goal. Part of it would be that you never quite conveyed that you totally "got" what you did in the first place. (How you impacted her, that is. Like the depth and breadth of how you contributed to her feeling hurt...and whatever "negative" she felt.) I hear that you believe that you "changed" after the fact -- most likely you did -- but sometimes (most often?) it's not so much about changing after the fact as being able to express your understanding of how you/we impacted our partner initially. It is not your fault or flaw. And it's not hers, either. It's the way we are at the moment, is all. You do NOT have to beat-up on yourself, ussy. It's not necessary, or helpful, or appropriate. And you don't need to blame her, either. It just is what it is. She's still trying to figure out the 'bigger' crap, too. Just like you. You can give yourself permission to just let it go, and just forgive yourself, and just forgive her, too. It could be a goal, if you set it. Edited March 1, 2010 by Ronni_W
Author ussy Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 No...and yes. She may have been WANTING to forgive you for whatever it was but she never quite achieved that goal. Part of it would be that you never quite conveyed that you totally "got" what you did in the first place. (How you impacted her, that is. Like the depth and breadth of how you contributed to her feeling hurt...and whatever "negative" she felt.) I hear that you believe that you "changed" after the fact -- most likely you did -- but sometimes (most often?) it's not so much about changing after the fact as being able to express your understanding of how you/we impacted our partner initially. It is not your fault or flaw. And it's not hers, either. It's the way we are at the moment, is all. You do NOT have to beat-up on yourself, ussy. It's not necessary, or helpful, or appropriate. And you don't need to blame her, either. It just is what it is. She's still trying to figure out the 'bigger' crap, too. Just like you. You can give yourself permission to just let it go, and just forgive yourself, and just forgive her, too. It could be a goal, if you set it. I understand what your saying, but i just dont think that this was the case wit her. Why would she have not mentioned this even once in the time we were together after that? I mean if it was bothering her THAT much then obviously she would have mentioned it from time to time. Also I just think that she would have acted a lot different if this applied to her, I dont think she would have been as cold hearted as she is now and not even talk to me and c**p. She appears to have moved on so much, I just think that she would have been acted a lot different if the past was bothering her that much. She would have at least had 1 nice conversation with me, cried her eyes out that she couldn't get over it and explained things to me.......... I just think that she was emotionally gone from the relationship a long time ago, and just waited for the perfect opportunity to end it. Can a few more people post their opinions!!!! I need this to move on!!!!
Ronni_W Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I just think that she was emotionally gone from the relationship a long time ago, and just waited for the perfect opportunity to end it. ussy, why isn't that enough for you? What you're thinking makes sense -- she'd checked out long before the "official" ending. She's gone total 'no contact' cos that is the smart thing to do and it makes it very clear about where she stands, as far as you are concerned. What more do you need to move on? What "opinions" are you waiting to hear?
Ilovecake Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Maybe she thought she forgave you for the stuff you did but as time went on she realized that she can't get over it and therefore it's best to end the relationship. I assume you're either talking about cheating or you somehow abused her. I've been in that situation before where I told the guy I forgave him for cheating but realized later that I said that because at the time I didn't want to lose him but I carried the anger around for a very long time and could not reach total forgiveness nor redevelop trust, so a year later I ended the relationship.
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