rose45 Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I met someone recently..i was unsure if i liked him but i knew if i was totally turned off i would have ended the date sooner (we met from online)..the first night we met at a bar and then he offered to get dinner and then we went to get another drink in his area..so he drove alot for the first date and then drove me home..he wanted to see me the next night as well so we went out for a drink. He doesnt seem to be playing much games and seems open about seeing me so my friend said go along with it then if you are interested. By the 3rd date he picked me up from work which took forver with traffic..he lives at home but has the downstairs area to himself and can take me to the back way if he wanted. He said he already told his family about me--how nice i am etc so he says u might as well meet them..he also had roses for me when i got in the car..he has been so sweet up to this point. The thing that doesn't really bother me but makes me wonder if i am being shallow is the fact.. he is a high school drop out and has been in construction for yrs(construction doesnt bother me its the other part).. he does have a daughter as well. It also turns out he did almost 2 yrs in jail..i believe him that it actually wasnt something he deserved..it was because of the circumstances behind it.That was years ago and he just wanted to be honest with me. Also it seems has friends who are into smoking pot and probably other drugs. His brother does it and has no job, his girlfriend is the same way. I am not used to being around people like this even though it has nothing to do with him. He even said he is staying away from certain people because he doesnt want to get involved anymore with that stuff and is tried of the bars and all of that. But i am thinking sort of long term..when you get involved---you do get involved with the family, friends etc which makes you surround this environment.. Apart of me wants to keep seeing him b/c maybe i need to just give him a chance and maybe he wants to move forward with positive things in his life. He said he never met anyone like me who doesnt really curse, smoke or party...... but some part of me thinks oh maybe i am just settling b/c i found someone semi decent or something...He has alot of baggage/history....am i making a mistake?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 So aside from his brother and his pothead friends, is " he" on the right path? If you have to think about things, sometimes when you start dating someone you're also dating the family and friends. You're not hanging out with the wrong crowd if he doesn't introduce you to his friends' lifestyle. But you are hanging out with the wrong guy if he has a " habit".
Author rose45 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I think he's trying to make changes..i think he never went out with a "nice" girl who works hard, is genuine etc..so i think that is why he introduced me to his family so quick..but when i saw some of his family i was turned off(sounds bad..but it was just the fact of how they allow their kids no matter what age to get away with smoking that stuff in the house..i think they just ignore it like they dont know) But how can he cut himself completely away from this lifestyle and circle of friends..i know he says he avoids certain parties and things like that b/c of the people and what it will involve but i'm sure it won't be like that all the time and also his brother probably has some of his friends which he may bring around..its like that saying "you are who you roll with"...i can't believe the brother can have no job and the family is not pushing him or laying down some ground rules. I know i am not dating the family..but i guess i was thinking long term..once you are involved, you are involved with everyone and i feel more mature that most of his family.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Personal experience, my ex used to be a pothead who hung out with the wrong crowd. He learned to choose the kind of lifestyle he wanted and the people that were right for him, except it wasn't because I asked him to, but more of he wanted to for himself. If your boyfriend doesn't do any of those things then you should give him a chance. Never judge a book by its cover. I had a conversation with a guy friend yesterday who told that I should give everybody a chance especially considering my characteristics of being impatient with people who I don't know. He said that most people are multifaceted and the only way you can fully know them is to give them a little of your time to get to know them. That's what you should do about your boyfriend. Give yourself time to see every side of him and not just focus on the bad.
torranceshipman Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I think that our friends reflect who we are (usually). So his friends are unemployed potheads which doesnt bode well. I don't mean that to sound mean - not judging - literally just saying...you're getting a pothead with a record, no education, a family you don't like - and a child - you need to be ok with all that as those things are going to be extremely prominent in your life from now on. Me? I'd cut and run. Immediately. A partner isnt just your love life - it impacts on your professional life, goals, social life, general happiness, aspirations (a good partner will encourage you to aim high), etc. I just don't think you'll get any of this with your guy, and I think because you like him you're trying to fit with a person and social group that you dont really fit with and I don'tthink it'll make you happy...
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