GrayTree Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I feel like I am mourning of a death and there is not much understanding and compassion around me of it. My bf left me suddenly a month ago and Ive been watching him turn into a COMPLETELY different person on facebook. Its like my old love, the person I once adored...is dead. What is the difference really? I can hardly deal with it.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I lost my fiance to death and let me tell you in many ways that was much easier than my recent break up from my ex. When someone dies it is tragic and painful, but at least you know they didn't WANT to leave you, they had not choice. It is also very final. There's no way they are coming back. When you go through a break up you know s/he CHOSE to leave and didn't want to be with you anymore. Part of you is always hoping they change their minds, realize they were idiots, or whatever. For me that's worse. I'll never understand how I could have loved him with all my heart, but he didn't love me and I continue to want him to change his mind. Does that make sense?
icyness Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I read somewhere that when you go through a break-up and/or are dumped, it has the same effect as losing someone you love to death. Although like Curious said, probably even worse as you know someone who died that you loved didn't want to leave you. It's been roughly 8 months since my ex left me and I still have breakdowns, a lot recently actually. I completely know what you mean GrayTree, I've been telling myself repeatedly the man I knew and loved is dead, I really and truly have no clue who he is now. It's really quite bizarre how they're portrayed in such a different light when they're no longer with us. I'm still shocked when I see pictures of my ex with his new girlfriend now, I don't even recognize him physically.
DenverBachelor Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 People who are dying don't metaphorically spit in your face before taking the train out.
icyness Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 People who are dying don't metaphorically spit in your face before taking the train out. Perfectly stated DB. So unfortunate, yet so true.
Hot Carl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 The difference in most cases is the kind of torment you feel after the fact. When someone dies, you lose them and mourn. When someone leaves you, you lose them and mourn. But you also think about the things you did wrong, maybe the things that are inherently wrong with you, that cause the breakup. And you think maybe there are things you still can do to change the outcome. And you know that they are still in the world, choosing to be elsewhere, and with someone else. It seems like the grief you feel involves losing part of yourself as much as losing the other person.
Crusoe Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I lost my fiance to death and let me tell you in many ways that was much easier than my recent break up from my ex. I agree. I found coping with the death of my wife a lot easier than dealing with my ex leaving. People have given many good reasons as to why above, but another is when someone dies everyone comes to you to give support. When someone leaves people seem to go in the other direction.
cdt76 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 The difference is our ego. In death it is about the lose of our loved one and passing them to the beyond. We did not cause the death, it happened. We did or had a part in the breakup of the relationship and due to that our ego has been severely broken. How come she doesn't want to be with me and is her new one better then me? What does he have that I do not? How could she so coldly leave all the love and warmth I offered her? The "me" factor in a break up makes it so much more internalized that it can not and does not compare to death. It does not in my case.
vayne417 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I know how you feel i have noticed that death is certainly definite there is no coming back or second thoughts. breaking up is sometimes harder i think because you live for a while in the what if... the horrible part is you live with the fact that that person you love(d) willing didn’t want you anymore….
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