how do you tell your girlfriend your a virgin?

[eric82]

My advice is don't lie about it, but also don't volunteer the information because it has the potential of turning her off. Chances are once you get intimate, she'll figure it out intuitively. If she's put off by your performance, she'll ask. When that happens, answer truthfully.

[MalachiX]

I agree that you shouldn't volunteer being a virgin but also should mislead this girl or lie about it. 22 isn't incredibly old to still be a virgin. After 24 you might be a bit more hesitant to come clean about such a thing. Of course I've had dry spells so long I figured time had somehow re-virginized me .

 

I think the best thing would be to listen to what she wants sexually, try to be confident, and do the best you can. Go ahead and read an article or two on being good in bed if you want to feel a be more comfortable once you get in there.

 

And, for the love of God, don't get excessively drunk beforehand. I mean, do you really want your first time to be remembered through a haze of alcohal? Personally, I'm not a fan of drunk sex period. You might be really turned on by you lose a lot of feeling and your movements are clumsy. Do it sober.

[Johnny M]

My recommendation is to simply avoid the subject. If she asks, lie and say you're not (there is no way she could check, you know). I don't see what you stand to gain by telling her you've never done it before.

[Lizzie60]

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell her.

 

Nothing good can come from it. Just go with the flow. If anything if you tell her it will only put pressure on her.

 

My suggestion to you is make your move when your both pretty wasted. Then if you're terrible, blame it on the booze.

 

 

Same advice for women who had a lot of partners DO NOT TELL YOUR PARTNER... what's good for one is good for the other..

 

to the OP.. why not? are you ashamed. I don't see a woman who would be ashame to tell her bf that she is a virgin.. at least you have a good excuse if you're a bad lover.. (no experience)..

[SomewhatExperienced]

Tell her, if you think this girl is important to you you need to build your relationship on trust. If she cares about you it shouldn't be an issue. Explain to her that telling her this is difficult for you and you're doing so BECAUSE you trust her.

 

If she does happen to walk (which I doubt she will), then she certainly doesn't have much character.

[BobSacamento]

My recommendation is to simply avoid the subject. If she asks, lie and say you're not (there is no way she could check, you know). I don't see what you stand to gain by telling her you've never done it before.

 

There's the John M I'm used to. Your imposter is besmirching your good name.

[Green]

im 22..i dont expect her to show me the ropes it's just one of those things that would make it just a tad more comfortable..about the im a virgin so what attitude..thats what i got now..

 

well I was around the same age you are when I lost my virginity. The thing you will find out is that you are exactly the same person after you have sex, as you were before.

 

Sex is pretty easy. Being in good shape, and confident are about all you need to have good sex. Most people suck at sex, so as long as you do some for play you will be miles above the rest. For play means kissing and rubbing her boobs, and fingering her posibly to orgasm or atleast untill she is really wet. Then as long as you get nice and hard and go in and out... but not so far out that u fall out your good.

 

When I first had sex I was to nervouse to orgasm, so I had the oposite problem of going to soon. I would say just try to go to soon if you can because the reverse problem is alot more anoying.

 

I was your age when I first lost my virginity and at the time I thought it was a big deal to be so old. It isn't you'll be the same guy afterward, except you'll be really happy because you have a girl in ur life.

 

I lied about being a virgin. the girl even flat out asked me after we had sex if I was a virgin. I said no!

 

You can learn the ropes on a girl with out her showing it to you. In fact you are better off just figuring it out for yourself. So remember the key is fore play. Don't just try to stick it in, make sure you finger her if she likes that untill she is realy wet... probably atleast 7 minutes... 20-30 mins of forplay wouldnt be that unusual.

 

Finaly don't try doggie style until you are comfortable with the basics. Do misionary, and heck ask her for help guiding you in. Even experienced guys will ask a new girl for some help guiding in. If you get tired of doing her missionary style and need to orgasm try asking her to ride you while facing you and you lay on your back. You can pull out, lay on your back, and she will lower herself on you, then its nice and lazy, you lay back and she goes up and down till you blow. But I really recomend pounding it in and out misionary style first. And don't slam ur pelvis into hers to hards, just go in and out at a good quick pace, use how good it feels to you as marker. And always think first about how you are enjoying it, because if u worry to much about her you won't be as hard... and being soft makes for bad sex.

 

If you want a bj get it before you put the condom on... not after... or during. Yes you could get STD's or pregnanncy so watch out for that... but really do u want to live a life of chastity... its probably worth the risk if u trust this girl... you could ask her about her sex history.

 

Olright man good luck... be confident... and remember after you have her wet from forplay... there is no shame to asking for help guiding you in. Even guys who have had sex alot ask for help guiding in sometimes. Just be confident and enjoy her... oh enjoy her

[hearttobreak]

Step 1 - touching and caressing her body, arms, neck, and feet. Actually, the women's most erogenous zones are the neck/ear area, around her breasts, thighs, and feet. Play with her a bit. Step 2 - Go down on her, if she cums first, then she might think you are more experienced than it looks. Step 3 - You should get a BJ first. Gets the initial pressure out first if you know what I mean. Step 4 - put a condom on and do the deed. Missionary is boring. Either cowgirl, side spread eagle or doggie. Its really not hard to get in. Place your member towards the bottom opening, closer to the anus, and go slowly inside. She might also guide you if you go in incorrectly.

 

Also, don't use a thin condom. Get thick ones. At least for the first time. Average man lasts 5 - 7 minutes. The rest is usually foreplay. Total time 30 - 45 minutes. Also, I trick I used years back was, when you are thinking you are ready to blow, stop and switch positions. It will make you last longer and give you time to come down from the euphoria. With all of this, she probably will not know the difference. Though, if she asks, tell her its been a while. You should at least last a few minutes. My first BJ I lasted well north of seven minutes. She got tired, and finished with a HJ. First sexual intercourse with the virginia I lasted a few minutes too.

 

Its all in perspective. I highly doubt it will only a minute or two. Also, pace yourself. Do not go so fast. But I disagree, do not tell her. It might not look good and you'll end up with a raging boner.

[silverfish]

Poor you. Sure you can't figure out why you reacted like that.

 

It sounds like you were very unhappy that you had sex (or did you avoid it at the last second) with a 26 year old virgin. It must have been a feeling so awful that you cried all night.

 

What if the same thing happened with a 36 year old virgin and you found out at the last minute. Would you scream so loudly someone could hear you 15 miles away? Would you cry for a month straight?

 

I need to know so I know what to expect.

 

Maybe because the whole male late virginity thing smacks a little of 'so desperate to lose it that I'm doing it with you as a test drive'. If that wasn't the case and you were close and had a great relationship, you would tell beforehand surely...it isn't nothing

 

Perhaps it's not nice to feel as if you've been used as a duck breaker, hence the tears....not that hard to understand

[Johnny M]

There's the John M I'm used to. Your imposter is besmirching your good name.

Yeah, that guy sounds like a bit of a pussy.

[Green]

Hearttobreak says some good stuff. I disgree on thicker condoms. Get ultra-thin condoms... seriously if you end up cumming right away it is better then having trouble cumming at all.

 

Have you ever had a bj? If not I recomend getting the bj first... then lots of foreplay... then put the condom on and have at it... start with misionary....

 

Oh and you might want to practice putting condoms on. The trick to putting a condom on is you roll it down onto your member. One side will have the lube... keep that on the outside and roll the non lube side down onto your junk.... Don't pull the condom down in a painful way... it will hurt and rip the condom... you just roll the condom down onto your junk... its very easy once you figure out how to roll it down... so practice before the big night because condom trouble is something that could ruin the mood.

 

and when you pull out of her at the end ... you might want to hold ur shaft so the condom doesn't get lost in her.

[silverfish]

I'd never have sex as a test drive, but you already have your mind made up that I would. You've never met me so how would you know? I'm looking for a relationship and marriage, but it's clear that many will assume otherwise no matter what I say or do and some will make this assumption within seconds.

 

It's clear that older virgins are damned if they do tell and damned if they don't tell with many women. How else can you explain such extreme and childish reactions as crying all night? I suspect the woman who was crying may well have run if she found out earlier. I want to tell and be open, but so many say the woman will run no matter how many other good qualities I may have. I do have many qualities most women desire, but haven't had sex yet.

 

Maybe some of the people that made fun of me for years and destroyed my confidence should take some of the blame too. I can't have those years back. That's why I and no doubt others are virgins well into their 20s, 30s and beyond. I'd always hoped the high school popularity thing would have ended in high school, but I've found out that is not the case at all. I've worked hard to regain some of that confidence which some are constantly trying to destroy becuase I'm still a virgin. Assuming older virgins are "duck breakers" is very insulting.

 

To tell or not to tell, I have no idea what I'll do when I get into a serious relationship.

 

I was answering the critics of the girl who said she cried when her BF told her right before that he was a virgin... that puts pressure on a person to make it special for them (being their first time) amongst other things. Don't you think if its a big deal you should at least let the other person know before you get into bed with them?

 

You are assuming that the woman you want to have sex with will judge you, which already makes it more pressurised in your mind.

 

If you think that you deserve some sort of special treatment from women becaue you are a virgin then you are wrong - deal with it and move on like most of the posters are telling you to. It's unlikely she will be able to tell anyway, if you have done some adequate research and make sure she ejoys it.

 

If you found out something serious about your sexual partner right before you had sex you might be upset yourself. After all if it wasn't a big deal to anyone you wouldn't be posting on here

[silverfish]

Many if not most virgins want to tell their partners, but we know that experience is frequently highly valued in our sex crazed society.

 

You seem to see it only from her point of view. How many sleepless nights did the 26 year old virgin have wondering "should I tell or shouldn't I tell"?

 

Where did I say I want special treatment? Nowhere. Equal treatment sure would be nice though.

 

I'd like to tell for the very reason you stated, but based on what I read here and elsewhere so many are going to judge an older virgin harshly and possibly break up with him within minutes not even giving him a chance to explain himself. Some people can hide it, but I don't think I have the ability to hide it and I'm scared she will feel pressured by the prospect of dating an older virgin and run as fast as she can when she finds out.

 

I think you're building it up into a far bigger problem than it is. On the other hand, telling your GF minutes before you have sex for the first time is a bad idea - it would stir emotions that have no place when you have sex with someone for the first time. It's supposed to be special for both of you.

 

I don't think that many women would have a problem if you either talked about it in a neutral setting before, or just said nothing. What you have to realise is that as exciting it may be to lose your virginity, sex for the first time with a new man is very emotional for women.

 

At the point you're about to have sex, mentioning your virginity would be a turn off and a disappointment. Sorry but its not what you want to hear right before sex. Tell her before or don't bother

[hearttobreak]

OP, do you have any type sexual experience? Foreplay, kissing, oral, etc? It might be easier for you to start in this method, then stop and progress to actual intercourse over time. Nothing wrong with that and you can avoid the lying or covering up part you mentioned all together. I do not think they really mind, in general, but in the 21st century, its more like expected as a right of passage done in either high school or college. I know it sucks, but thats when most lose their virginity. Nothing wrong with holding it for someone special, but, the older you get, the rarer it is to find someone who has the same values as you do. I know two guys both over 35. One actually closer to 40, still virgins. They are completely lost in the dating game. And at that age, it is a turn off to any. The other person, man or woman, would start to think what is wrong with him or her for not having sexual experience at this age? Obviously, at your age, that is not a problem yet. Don't let it be. Consider trying this Kissing and petting on date two or three, then kissing, petting and oral sex on date three or four. Then kissing, petting, oral sex, and intercourse on date five or six. Therefore, you build up to the moment. Plus, you would actually look more experienced than not, and look in control.

 

A thick Trojan condom for the first time or two I think will not also be a bad idea. Plus, consider using some lube on the condom. It would make the friction less during intercourse thus, you will not blow your load that fast. Not a glob, but a bit on the condom after you place it on your member. If she asks, say you like it wet. A move that would not be seen as amateurish or from a newbie.

 

With doing what I and others suggest, you could pass the sexual intercourse test without her even it crossing her mind. Foreplay though is where the key is. More women achieve climax through oral sex (i.e. going down on her and licking the top opening part of her clitoris) than through penetration.

[zhsoj]

Each one of you has a different opinion, so how is an older virgin to know what to believe? In fact, it seems that everyone in this thread has different views on when or if to tell. We are not as good at reading minds as women and men who are older virgins typically are some of the worst at reading minds.

 

The OP at 22 is more likely to be able to tell without her running away than those that are much older like me. I can only hope whoever I meet won't run away when I tell her. I'm not going to wait until the day, but I might wait for a few weeks or so into dating. If she were to ask the question, there's no way I could hide it.

 

I have to agree. I think that people like ourselves take too much ***** for being an older virgin. There are a lot of super judgmental people out there that think they are hot ****; women are no exception. I say forget them. If you or I tell a girl that we are inexperienced, and they react negatively then that says a lot more about their insecurities then it does ours. I'd love to be closer to the person that I choose to care about, but I'm not there solely for them, especially in the beginning. The biggest turnoff for me is to be unfairly judged by some entitled asshat.

[Green]

I have to agree. I think that people like ourselves take too much ***** for being an older virgin. There are a lot of super judgmental people out there that think they are hot ****; women are no exception. I say forget them. If you or I tell a girl that we are inexperienced, and they react negatively then that says a lot more about their insecurities then it does ours. I'd love to be closer to the person that I choose to care about, but I'm not there solely for them, especially in the beginning. The biggest turnoff for me is to be unfairly judged by some entitled asshat.

 

Why even tell a girl you are a virgin? you will either get no reaction or a bad reaction.

 

If you tell some one and they act negativly that is on them, and you shouldn't care. But really why even tell people.

[zhsoj]

Why even tell a girl you are a virgin? you will either get no reaction or a bad reaction.

 

If you tell some one and they act negativly that is on them, and you shouldn't care. But really why even tell people.

 

I admit that it's an insecurity. I also admit that since society judges us so rashly for it that it is dumb to admit it. I'm only human though. As far as insecurities go it's not such a bad one to have IMO.

 

So to the hypothetical judgmental woman I might meet and feel comfortable enough to tell: I apologize in advance for being so self-consious about being so vulnerable to you... Wait, no I don't. GTFO.

[JohnM]

Yeah, that guy sounds like a bit of a pussy.

 

I'm simply giving my opinion and a balanced view, when people want advice they are best served by a range of opinions rather than JUST people saying:

 

Don't tell her the truth, she might run off and you won't get ****ed. Instead get yourself wasted, ruin anything enjoyable about the experience and possibly regret ruining it all because she never contacts you again because you couldn't get hard you were that wasted.

 

You sound very mature simply posting a comment on somebodys advice thread just to take a dig at me.

[BobSacamento]

I'm simply giving my opinion and a balanced view, when people want advice they are best served by a range of opinions rather than JUST people saying:

 

Don't tell her the truth, she might run off and you won't get ****ed. Instead get yourself wasted, ruin anything enjoyable about the experience and possibly regret ruining it all because she never contacts you again because you couldn't get hard you were that wasted.

 

You sound very mature simply posting a comment on somebodys advice thread just to take a dig at me.

 

At least your both naked in my scenario.

 

Also, if she doesn't ask, then it is not lying.

[Johnny M]

I'm simply giving my opinion and a balanced view, when people want advice they are best served by a range of opinions rather than JUST people saying:

 

Don't tell her the truth, she might run off and you won't get ****ed. Instead get yourself wasted, ruin anything enjoyable about the experience and possibly regret ruining it all because she never contacts you again because you couldn't get hard you were that wasted.

 

You sound very mature simply posting a comment on somebodys advice thread just to take a dig at me.

Relax. Not all of my posts here are meant to be taken seriously.

[D-Lish]

Relax. Not all of my posts here are meant to be taken seriously.

 

Most are though. You are a serious guy with demonstrative issues, and an anger streak that most run screaming from. Beyond that- there might be a glimmer of humour- I haven't seen it though.

 

If you were a smurf- you'd be "angry smurf"" and you'd most assuredly wear red pants.

[Johnny M]

Most are though. You are a serious guy with demonstrative issues, and an anger streak that most run screaming from. Beyond that- there might be a glimmer of humour- I haven't seen it though.

 

If you were a smurf- you'd be "angry smurf"" and you'd most assuredly wear red pants.

Thanks, I think you are awesome too.....especially when you manage to muster the mental energy to think beyond a pose in the mirror (which, by your own admission, regrettably does not happen very often).

[lino]

I personally wouldn't tell her. Don't see what good can come out of it.

[gsly]

I thought about it and i think if it happens i'll tell her if she's wondering why im not that good or il tell her after the deed is done lol..

 

The other night was great we went out to dinner then we went back to her place were i spent the night with her. We talked about the whole sex thing and we both agreed on not rushing into doing something until we are both ready. and as of yesterday we are in a relationship:)

[Johnny M]

I thought about it and i think if it happens i'll tell her if she's wondering why im not that good or il tell her after the deed is done lol..

Yup, that's the way to go. Once she finds out you were a virgin, you would no longer be one