C'mon guys, answer honestly - 33 sexual partners.

[TheLoneSock]

What would you do? Because I think Im going insane.

 

A 23 year old girl who's been with 33 guys and has a %75 history of cheating. No, I would never date her.

[Lizzie60]

Apparently I have retroactive jealousy because I didn't like finding this out about my now ex. I finished it on thursday. For those who want the full whack on this, just read my thread. I never asked about her partners until she blurped some details out. Then my mind went awol.

 

So, Im curious, because people are telling me it doesn't mean much for a 23 year old girl to have had sex with 33 guys.

 

Would YOU be comfortable dating her? I know lot's of guys knowing this would love to "meet" her, that's fine...had all the jokes now

 

She had 4 long term relationships from the age of 15. She cheated on all but 1.

 

Her reason was it made her feel confident about herself. She used sex to boost her confidence.

 

So...could you look past all this? Have I thrown away a gem? I think If I focus much more on the morality of this Im going to end up in a mental hospital. Maybe there is a little bitterness in me, I admit.

 

What would you do? Because I think Im going insane.

 

1st bold: how do you know this?

2nd bold: a little bitterness.. maybe a little envy..

[Star Gazer]

It's not so much the number of sex partners as the parts I quoted above. She cheated on 3 guys out of 4, and she "used sex" to boost her confidence? BIG problems there.

 

Agreed, 100%. If she just loved sex, it would be one thing. But the reason behind why she's had so many partners is a big huge problem.

[abouttoloseit]

1st bold: how do you know this?

2nd bold: a little bitterness.. maybe a little envy..

 

Yep, pretty much. But I was in a relationship for nearrly 6 years. I can't help my number.

 

It seems, everything I was brought up to believe ie...be with a girl and don't cheat....no sleeping around, has really messed my head up a little.

 

But I also Find that the more "attractive" members of society seem to have much higher numbers than...say, someone like me. A "Normy". This is amongst my peers, I don't want to assume it's like that everywhere.

[oldguy]

It isn't the number, 33 in this case, it's the number divided by time; (more than 3 in a year or 5 in 2 years), might raise some concerns. What would be more of a concern is infidelity, or lack of commitment. 'comon, wake up, move on.

[oldguy]

I have to disagree that this is a, "logical" issue. If it where logical, it wouldn't be an issue. I hear logic and morality but little if anything addressing, "feelings". What would be a comfortable cut off point? Would your next partner need to be a virgin or is there some other number? How about money, could she make too much... or too little to be out of your comfort level? Seriously, define a match for yourself.

[lino]

Apparently I have retroactive jealousy

 

Other than on this messageboard, I've never heard of this term before. I'm beginning to think it's conveniently thrown around by people who don't want to face the consequences of their past actions.

 

 

Would YOU be comfortable dating her?

 

No, definitely not!

 

She had 4 long term relationships from the age of 15. She cheated on all but 1.

 

Her reason was it made her feel confident about herself. She used sex to boost her confidence.

 

!!!

 

So...could you look past all this? Have I thrown away a gem?

 

No, I couldn't look past it.

 

No, you haven't thrown away a gem IMO. A gem is valuable because it's rare and sought after... A 23 year old girl that's had 33 knobs in her isn't either of those things.

[TouchedByViolet]

Sounds like a hooker to me

[threebyfate]

Historical patterns of behaviour are one of the best ways to gauge peoples' coping tools. She cheated on 3/4 relationships which equates to cheating, 75% of the time. 'Nuff said.

 

As for her historical number of lovers, assuming that her 4 LTRs were a year long each, this means that the balance of 29 lovers averaged out to a new lover, once every 50 days or every 1.5 months.

 

She's not a prime candidate for a monogamous relationship.

[paleblue]

im just catching this thread.. 23 years old and 33 different guys already? ahhh, i guess i would have some concerns about the relationship lasting.

 

you can look at someone's history to more or less get an idea what you can probably expect in the future.

 

whats going to happen the next time she is feeling down, or needs an ego boost??? you probably know the answer to that question.

 

personally i think you made the right call. hands down. i commend you for having the strength and integrity for saying no. i think you already know that its not going to last so why put yourself thru that unless you just want a piece for the short term. but something tells me you are not about that.

 

just my two cents.

[urhangovergirl]

I think it depends; were you the one she didn't cheat with? If so then:

 

If it's her # that bothers you, that's your problem. if her # has anything to do with the rape, and she can honestly admit that, and your not helping her feel sexual security with one partner, then you're not really in a good relationship anyway because you're the one not committed to it/her right now.

 

Worried about STDs? get a test. should have anyway if it scares you that much.

[In_Repair]

I didn't go back and read your other threads and I don't remember them, so maybe this has been discussed...

 

Do/did you love her? Did she love you? Was she good to you? Did she cheat on you? She has certainly had a screwed up past, but how is she presently?

 

I would have a hard time getting past that number of partners at that age, but you were ALREADY involved when you found out, and you have to consider the other factors involved here. She was sexually abused, for starters. Secondly, why is everyone acting like the idea of using sex for an ego boost is some new thing that this girl invented? I've done it. Big deal. maybe she used the term "boost her confidence" or whatever, but maybe she actually meant "to make me feel wanted/loved". And the cheating aspect? At her age, and with her past, and the frequency of the supposed cheating... come on, were they long distance relationships with blind and deaf guys? Probably more like glorified **** buddies than boyfriends.

 

Maybe she is a run of the mill bar skank and you actually did dodge a bullet by walking away... or maybe she is just a woman who has lived a ****ed up life and never had anyone who really cared for/about her, and now the one guy who claimed that he did has now walked away from her too. Either way, if you can't get past it, then you did the right thing.