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C'mon guys, answer honestly - 33 sexual partners.

abouttoloseit

By abouttoloseit
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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abouttoloseit Established Member

abouttoloseit

Posted
Posted

Apparently I have retroactive jealousy because I didn't like finding this out about my now ex. I finished it on thursday. For those who want the full whack on this, just read my thread. I never asked about her partners until she blurped some details out. Then my mind went awol.

 

So, Im curious, because people are telling me it doesn't mean much for a 23 year old girl to have had sex with 33 guys.

 

Would YOU be comfortable dating her? I know lot's of guys knowing this would love to "meet" her, that's fine...had all the jokes now :cool:

 

She had 4 long term relationships from the age of 15. She cheated on all but 1.

 

Her reason was it made her feel confident about herself. She used sex to boost her confidence.

 

So...could you look past all this? Have I thrown away a gem? I think If I focus much more on the morality of this Im going to end up in a mental hospital. Maybe there is a little bitterness in me, I admit.

 

What would you do? Because I think Im going insane.

Bryanp Established Member

Bryanp

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I don't think you threw aways anything. She has screwed 33 different guys in the past few years. She has put herself at potentially great risk for STD's. She admits to using sex merely to boost her confidence. The key point is that she admits to cheating on every long term relationship she ever had except one. This tells you all you need to do. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. It also seems pretty obvious that sexual intimacy is of no special significance to her. She sounds extremely toxic. The only thing you through away was future pain, heartache and a potential STD in the future. You made the Right Call!

BUENG1 Established Member

BUENG1

Posted
Posted
Apparently I have retroactive jealousy because I didn't like finding this out about my now ex. I finished it on thursday. For those who want the full whack on this, just read my thread. I never asked about her partners until she blurped some details out. Then my mind went awol.

 

So, Im curious, because people are telling me it doesn't mean much for a 23 year old girl to have had sex with 33 guys.

 

Would YOU be comfortable dating her? I know lot's of guys knowing this would love to "meet" her, that's fine...had all the jokes now :cool:

 

She had 4 long term relationships from the age of 15. She cheated on all but 1.

 

Her reason was it made her feel confident about herself. She used sex to boost her confidence.

 

So...could you look past all this? Have I thrown away a gem? I think If I focus much more on the morality of this Im going to end up in a mental hospital. Maybe there is a little bitterness in me, I admit.

 

What would you do? Because I think Im going insane.

 

A gem LOL. 33 partners? Wow, I'm surprised you would even keep count up to that many. Cheated on all her boyfriends? No you dodged a bullet.

tami-chan Established Member

tami-chan

Posted
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Wow...33 partners and 4 "LTRs"? and she is only 23...hmmm...AND she uses sex to bolster her ego....major red flag, IMO. Was she molested as a child?

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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Posted

33 is a stretch especially at 23. The most guys I've slept with is 6 and I'm 20.

 

 

I agree with other posters, you truly dodged a bullet with this one considering her history of cheating.

 

She has issues and unless you're attracted to drama you're better off right now than you were before.

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abouttoloseit Established Member

abouttoloseit

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Well the reasone I feel bad about ALL of this, is that she was raped. Her first experience of sex was rape. This is why I feel like such a ****. Why? Because somewhere my good nature is telling me I have failed to show her that a good guy will take her in no matter what.

 

I dunno. My morals are all over the place at the moment.

 

If you want back ground, read my thread in coping forum.

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

Posted
Posted
Well the reasone I feel bad about ALL of this, is that she was raped. Her first experience of sex was rape. This is why I feel like such a ****. Why? Because somewhere my good nature is telling me I have failed to show her that a good guy will take her in no matter what.

 

I dunno. My morals are all over the place at the moment.

 

If you want back ground, read my thread in coping forum.

 

OH okay. Well then she needs counseling. Dating a good guy doesn't necessarily mean she's " cured" because unless she can fully learn to move on from the past, she's stuck thinking all guys are merely going to use her for sex.

 

You did her a favor by breaking up with her. She needs to see that she needs help from a professional and not from the process of jumping from guy to guy.

SarahRose Established Member

SarahRose

Posted
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So how old are you and how many girls have you slept with?

troggleputty Established Member

troggleputty

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So how old are you and how many girls have you slept with?

 

If you'd bother to have read his other thread, you'd know he was 27 and had been with three other girls.

 

But: what was the point of your question anyway?

tami-chan Established Member

tami-chan

Posted
Posted
Well the reasone I feel bad about ALL of this, is that she was raped. Her first experience of sex was rape. This is why I feel like such a ****. Why? Because somewhere my good nature is telling me I have failed to show her that a good guy will take her in no matter what.

 

I dunno. My morals are all over the place at the moment.

 

If you want back ground, read my thread in coping forum.

 

Ahh...my thoughts exactly..she is exhibiting classic signs of having been a victim of sexual abuse. She needs help-professional help. If you want to be a friend, then you can encourage her to get help without "ulterior" motives-difficult to do because you are emotionally engaged. BUT, I wouldn't date her until then...as she will continue to use "sex" as her currency.

Norville_Rogers Established Member

Norville_Rogers

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No way could I date her. I mean it's ok to have a few partners to gain some experience with sex. But that many and for that reason is just not my style. You did the right thing. Take some time off before jumping into something new and find yourself a girl that fits more your style. It will be worth it in the long run. Good luck.

SarahRose Established Member

SarahRose

Posted
Posted
If you'd bother to have read his other thread, you'd know he was 27 and had been with three other girls.

 

But: what was the point of your question anyway?

 

Go bait someone else.

BB07 Established Member

BB07

Posted
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First off, this girl was traumatized sexually, rape! That fact alone often causes someone to be promiscuous, (which of course is up to interpretation of exactly what that constitutes). Anyway........She shouldn't be judged on her # of partners, but the fact that she has cheated on all but one of the does indicate a big problem which she should seek some help with.

 

OP.....you can't fix her or help her, and obviously her past bothers you so you should just let her and the relationship go. I don't think you'll ever find peace and acceptance with her.

troggleputty Established Member

troggleputty

Posted
Posted
Apparently I have retroactive jealousy because I didn't like finding this out about my now ex.

 

How is that retroactive jealousy?

 

(Who even made that term up?)

 

It sounds to me like your recent ex gf was/is a tramp.

 

It's not just her number of sexual partners. She's a serial cheater. And she's still very lovey dovey with her supposedly "ex" boyfriends.

 

Oh yeah and the threesome...

 

 

 

I finished it on thursday. For those who want the full whack on this, just read my thread. I never asked about her partners until she blurped some details out. Then my mind went awol.

 

I read your thread. You did the right thing.

 

Dude, you're allowed to have something called "standards." This girl was some hot babe that you picked up in a bar somewhere. She was "easy." You haven't had much prior sexual experience (3 prior relationships at age 27) and don't perceive yourself as the type of guy who has success with trampy hotties. But on this particular occasion you were "feeling it," you were "in the zone," you probably acted a little out of character, a little more aggressive than you have in the past, she didn't shoot you down, the stars aligned, and to coin a phrase, you "got lucky."

 

Your mistake however was in thinking she was ever anything but a hot little tramp/sex toy. Based on your relative dearth of prior sexual partners, you probably put women up on the pedestal. Some of them deserve to be up there. This one certainly didn't.

 

You were "No. 34" in a long line of sex partners for this babe. More likely it's really closer to "134", if not, it soon will be. You're well rid of her if only because falling in love with a tramp is a low-percentage strategy.

 

 

 

So, Im curious, because people are telling me it doesn't mean much for a 23 year old girl to have had sex with 33 guys.

 

What people are telling you that? How can it not mean a lot for someone (man or woman) to have had 33 partners by age of 23?

 

It means she's promiscuous, i.e., indiscriminate in her sexual proclivities. Basically she'll f*ck just about anything in pants.

 

Do you get that yet? There's nothing special about you to this girl, you just happened to be the guy who hit on her that night. You said so yourself: No one else made a move, so you made yours. Had someone else made a move before you did, she probably would have screwed that guy.

 

To a girl like that, you're just another f*ck. Nothing more.

 

If you would have had perhaps a bit more sexual experience, you'd understand all this.

 

 

Would YOU be comfortable dating her? I know lot's of guys knowing this would love to "meet" her, that's fine...had all the jokes now :cool:

 

"Dating" as in actually investing any emotional commitment into her? No, no way. She's totally messed up in the head based on what you posted in your other thread. She's a crazy broad. "Dating" to have sex with? Meh I don't know, sounds like you could catch something from this one.

 

Or possibly wind up in some crazy situation where she's playing you off against some other guy, most likely a violent biker dude, who busts in on you and her one day and beats the crap out of you or something.

 

Or, even "better," she decides she really does "like" you and then decides she needs to get pregnant by you. Wonderful.

 

She had 4 long term relationships from the age of 15. She cheated on all but 1.

 

Undoubtedly whatever her relationships were, they were entirely dysfunctional. This is a woman who has no respect for herself whatsoever.

 

 

Her reason was it made her feel confident about herself. She used sex to boost her confidence.

 

Lots of women believe that the only thing they have to offer of any value is access to their pussy. Sounds like she is one of them.

 

 

So...could you look past all this?

 

Ummm...why would you want to look past it? Look...this is just some superficially attractive bar skank that you picked up one night and rather than leaving it as a one night stand you couldn't scrape her off your shoe. You are lonely right now and obviously don't perceive yourself as having other options girlfriend-wise or sex-wise, or else you wouldn't seriously be asking this question.

 

 

Have I thrown away a gem?

 

No, you threw away a piece of trash. It was fun to play with for a little while, but trash is still trash.

 

 

I think If I focus much more on the morality of this Im going to end up in a mental hospital.

 

Well then maybe you WILL meet up with this chick again.

 

 

Maybe there is a little bitterness in me, I admit.

 

Bitterness? About WHAT exactly? This is a bar skank that you picked up in a bar. OK so she looked hot and she was nice and friendly to you. THAT'S BECAUSE SHE LACKS ANY DISCRIMINATION when it comes to choosing which men she f*cks. (Not trying to say you're not a good man; just that to a woman like this it really doesn't matter if you're a good man or not.) She let you have sex with you and because you had a few orgasms you fell in love with her, but not really, you just don't have anyone else right now who's willing to have sex with you which can be frustrating.

 

What would you do? Because I think I'm going insane.

 

Look if you want to keep screwing her go right ahead but don't have some false expectation that 1) you mean anything to her; 2) she won't cheat on you incessantly; 3) you won't catch some STD from her.

 

Also remember--if you continue to waste your time with this cheap skank that simply delays you from finding the kind of "good woman/keeper" that I think you're actually looking for.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Would YOU be comfortable dating her?

 

Personally, no, because our intimacy styles and intrinsic sexuality expressions would be incompatible. Truthfully though, at your age, without the additional life experience, I did. Ouch. At that point in life, elemental issues of compatibility were still lost upon me.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

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Would YOU be comfortable dating her?

 

I would not want to date a person like this. Not because she has slept with a particular number of partners, but because of this:

 

She cheated on all but 1.

 

Her reason was it made her feel confident about herself. She used sex to boost her confidence.

 

What would you do? Because I think Im going insane.

 

The only real problem you're having is because you are focusing way more of her past partners and not enough on her motives and actions. She could be a virgin and still act in a shady and manipulative manner. Why are you focusing on the number of penis she has touched when her negative actions were cheating and manipulation.

Does she have any STDs? If not stop worrying about how many penis she touched and pay attention to her integrity.

 

Penis is not = to shame spear. :rolleyes:

troggleputty Established Member

troggleputty

Posted
Posted
Go bait someone else.

 

 

Who's doing the baiting now?

 

You asked questions, how old is OP and how many prior sex partners did he have; and I answered them for you.

 

Why? Obviously you asked those particular questions because you were hoping the OP would say he'd had a lot of sex partners also, then you would be able to say "Oh OP you're such a hypocrite."

 

So it was you who was doing the "baiting." And you seem to be a master at it.

lkjh Established Member

lkjh

Posted
Posted
Who's doing the baiting now?

 

You asked questions, how old is OP and how many prior sex partners did he have; and I answered them for you.

 

Why? Obviously you asked those particular questions because you were hoping the OP would say he'd had a lot of sex partners also, then you would be able to say "Oh OP you're such a hypocrite."

 

So it was you who was doing the "baiting." And you seem to be a master at it.

 

 

 

I was thinking the same exact thing about that poster

 

 

OP, do not date a girl that has no value for herself or sex. The fact that she thinks so little of sex means she a) has no self-respect and will cheat. She also admitted this

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abouttoloseit Established Member

abouttoloseit

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Hey guys, just to fill in some info about myself. You are all strangers so I don't mind talking about it. Yes I've had only 3 partners. One 5 year, 1.5yr and her.

 

That number shows statistically, Im sexually inexperienced. However, you can choose to believe or not...that Im actually a sexual deviant in bed. ALL 3 girls I have bedded ask how the hell I keep going. I can last 5 minutes or 5 hours depending on the mood. Love-making, blow jobs, anal, whips, spanks, rimming, squirting...you name it, i've probably done it, been there got the t-shirt.

 

I don't want a medal, but just incase you thought I was a wallflower ;) It's not that Im oblivious to ONS, keeping in touch with ex's...I know this goes on...I just don't want to be a part of it, mostly because I follow what my heart/gut says about situations.

troggleputty Established Member

troggleputty

Posted
Posted
Hey guys, just to fill in some info about myself. You are all strangers so I don't mind talking about it. Yes I've had only 3 partners. One 5 year, 1.5yr and her.

 

That number shows statistically, Im sexually inexperienced.

 

Well in the sense of not having been exposed to numerous different women, but it sounds like you've had a good quantity of sex.

 

 

However, you can choose to believe or not...that Im actually a sexual deviant in bed. ALL 3 girls I have bedded ask how the hell I keep going. I can last 5 minutes or 5 hours depending on the mood. Love-making, blow jobs, anal, whips, spanks, rimming, squirting...you name it, i've probably done it, been there got the t-shirt.

 

Then you should have no problem finding No. 4. So don't worry about No. 3.

 

I don't want a medal, but just incase you thought I was a wallflower ;) It's not that Im oblivious to ONS, keeping in touch with ex's...I know this goes on...I just don't want to be a part of it, mostly because I follow what my heart/gut says about situations.

 

Look it's your life. Go ahead and waste more of your time with a girl who makes you feel bad if you want to.

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abouttoloseit Established Member

abouttoloseit

Posted
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Look it's your life. Go ahead and waste more of your time with a girl who makes you feel bad if you want to.

 

Precisely why I ended it. Her number was fuel to fire.

AAlike Established Member

AAlike

Posted
Posted

I don't know that this is the proper sub-forum in which to get an objective answer on a question like this.

 

obviously when you throw out a number in the subject line like that, you're going to get a bunch of condemning responses, which I assume is what you're looking for.

 

the notion that you are cannot be "special" to your GF because of her sexual past is asinine. I've been with what I believe was a fairly average number of women for a guy that hadn't been in a very serious relationship until 30 years old, and I guarantee my wife would have been special to me whether I'd been with 2 or 200 people prior to meeting her (the actual number obviously being somewhere in between).

 

and the STD risk, well, that's simple - get tested. you should do that before an exclusive relationship anyway.

 

you need to do your best to not make this into a "moral" issue, because quite simply, it's not, unless you think sex is immoral. this is a logical issue, and here are the logical issues at play:

 

- the fact that your GF has habitually cheated - now THIS is a moral issue. you'll get all kind of conflicting viewpoints on when/how much/why sex is permissable, but cheating is BAD no matter how you slice it

- the fact that she has admittedly had this sex for reasons other than just enjoyment (although be careful with this one, if you were grilling her about it she may have said this just to get you off her case) - this is a sign of immaturity and confidence issues

- her history of sexual abuse - not that it's fair to dump her because of this, but you should be cognizant that you have an uphill battle ahead of you

- if any of this sex was unprotected, she obviously has a penchant for risky behavior

 

can those issues be worked around? probably, but it's up to you if it is worth it.

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted
She had 4 long term relationships from the age of 15. She cheated on all but 1.

 

Her reason was it made her feel confident about herself. She used sex to boost her confidence.

 

It's not so much the number of sex partners as the parts I quoted above. She cheated on 3 guys out of 4, and she "used sex" to boost her confidence? BIG problems there.

wheream_i Established Member

wheream_i

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

OP.....you can't fix her or help her, and obviously her past bothers you so you should just let her and the relationship go.

 

 

Exactly. No reason for you to think that you should be the one to save her. You want to save something? Save a whale, save a tree. Do you think any one of those 33 guys cared about saving her? They just cared about scoring.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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abouttoloseit Established Member

abouttoloseit

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't know that this is the proper sub-forum in which to get an objective answer on a question like this.

 

obviously when you throw out a number in the subject line like that, you're going to get a bunch of condemning responses, which I assume is what you're looking for.

 

the notion that you are cannot be "special" to your GF because of her sexual past is asinine. I've been with what I believe was a fairly average number of women for a guy that hadn't been in a very serious relationship until 30 years old, and I guarantee my wife would have been special to me whether I'd been with 2 or 200 people prior to meeting her (the actual number obviously being somewhere in between).

 

and the STD risk, well, that's simple - get tested. you should do that before an exclusive relationship anyway.

 

you need to do your best to not make this into a "moral" issue, because quite simply, it's not, unless you think sex is immoral. this is a logical issue, and here are the logical issues at play:

 

- the fact that your GF has habitually cheated - now THIS is a moral issue. you'll get all kind of conflicting viewpoints on when/how much/why sex is permissable, but cheating is BAD no matter how you slice it

- the fact that she has admittedly had this sex for reasons other than just enjoyment (although be careful with this one, if you were grilling her about it she may have said this just to get you off her case) - this is a sign of immaturity and confidence issues

- her history of sexual abuse - not that it's fair to dump her because of this, but you should be cognizant that you have an uphill battle ahead of you

- if any of this sex was unprotected, she obviously has a penchant for risky behavior

 

can those issues be worked around? probably, but it's up to you if it is worth it.

 

I like your answer and yet I have asked myself these questions repeatedly. I am so messed up about this. I guess, I think somewhere deep down, as I have never had a ONS, I cannot relate or understand what they mean to people or how little they mean, or how much fun they are.

 

I am too stupid sometimes, "the notion that you are cannot be "special" to your GF because of her sexual past is asinine." I have thought this too. This is what makes me lose sleep.

 

I think I shouldnt have been in a 5 year relationship throughout my teen years. Past is past though. I seem to have been left out, not been included.

 

My number is so low for a 27yr old. 3.

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