xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 (edited) So the guy I was " seeing" Dave, ends up being the " nice guy". In fact he went out of his way to drive from Brooklyn to Manhattan just to pick me up and drop both me and my friend ( who had fainted and collapsed from a 4 day lack of sleep exhaustion) in Queens. That's basically around 25 miles of driving at 3 in the morning. To top it all off, he got me butter cookies? To be clear, I went out tonight with a friend to Hookah and at 1 in the morning she collapsed on me and a couple of other guy friends on the street. In a state of hysteria I could only call Dave for help because he had a car and I had run out of money for a cab. The thing is, I really felt so bad asking him but I was also really happy that he didn't downright say no. I know I owe him lots for this favor but I wonder why he's being so nice, especially since we only " dated" one time. I'm not one to take advantage of other people but I also don't want to appear like I was merely using him. Not that we don't have chemistry, but I feel like we're not at the stage where we can really try to date. After all, I'm a party girl right now and he has his other priorities. He's not even a close friend. Yet deciding to give both my friend and I ride home made me see him in a different light. Edited February 28, 2010 by xpaperxcutx
hats Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Because it's the right thing to do. If any of my friends called me and told me they needed a ride because their friend had just fainted, sure, I'd drive out there. Probably wouldn't be real excited or anything, especially if I were sleeping. Maybe call him up again the next day just to say thanks again, he'd probably appreciate it.
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 he is nice to you, because he wants to get down your pants. you know this and use him for rides. nothing wrong here.
sagetalk Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 What is the point of this post? Are you bragging, "Hey everyone, I'm so hot I can get almost strangers to drive somewhere in the AM hours and help me out". Everyone knows most guys will help out women they are attracted to. I don't really know what to make of this post.
littlewhiterose Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Take it for what it is my dear xpaperxcutx. He could have also hit "ignore" on his cell and rolled over. What he did was something a good-hearted person would do. I think we get so caught up in the "rules" for hookups & dating and the landmines involved that we forget what including a simple friendship entails. Don't abuse it... Enjoy it.
BobSacamento Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I'd be more worried about what he thinks of you. You didn't really present yourself as low maintence and put him in a very difficult spot.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I'm not one to take advantage of other people but I also don't want to appear like I was merely using him. You don't want to appear that way, or you don't want to be that way? If you don't want to be that way, do something nice in return, like take him out to lunch. Or be there for him if he needs something similar in the future.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 he is nice to you, because he wants to get down your pants. you know this and use him for rides. nothing wrong here. There's really no point. I've slept with him previously so it wasn't like I had any point in playing hard to get.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 What is the point of this post? Are you bragging, "Hey everyone, I'm so hot I can get almost strangers to drive somewhere in the AM hours and help me out". Everyone knows most guys will help out women they are attracted to. I don't really know what to make of this post. I'm not bragging. This is actually the first time I actually bothered anyone to do me any kind of favor. I never even said " hey I'm hot, go do this for me". Please don't judge. I only posted because for someone who I only saw a few times, he's really nice to me and I feel really bad for the way I treated him before. Maybe what I need to do is make up to him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Take it for what it is my dear xpaperxcutx. He could have also hit "ignore" on his cell and rolled over. What he did was something a good-hearted person would do. I think we get so caught up in the "rules" for hookups & dating and the landmines involved that we forget what including a simple friendship entails. Don't abuse it... Enjoy it. Wow thanks for clearing things up. I guess because my mind has been pretty warped about most guys I just never expect someone to be so good hearted.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 I'd be more worried about what he thinks of you. You didn't really present yourself as low maintence and put him in a very difficult spot. Yeah I know, but he was the only person I could call with a car. Had my friend not collapsed on me, I wouldn't have bothered him so late.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 You don't want to appear that way, or you don't want to be that way? If you don't want to be that way, do something nice in return, like take him out to lunch. Or be there for him if he needs something similar in the future. Hmm good question. I guess I don't want to be either. I am supposed to meet him today so if anything I'll take him to dinner. It's the least I can o.
BobSacamento Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Honestly, who the hell goes out without enough money for a cab ride home...........oh wait.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Honestly, who the hell goes out without enough money for a cab ride home...........oh wait. LMAO.... good question. The thing was we were in Manhattan, and we commuted by train and were expecting to go back home by train. Her collapsing and fainting were out of the equation. I did have about 60 dollars left but that wasn't enough for cab rides between boroughs. Besides, I'm still waiting for my card to arrive in the mail so in the meantime I'm still stuck with cash, not credit.
BobSacamento Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 LMAO.... good question. The thing was we were in Manhattan, and we commuted by train and were expecting to go back home by train. Her collapsing and fainting were out of the equation. I did have about 60 dollars left but that wasn't enough for cab rides between boroughs. Besides, I'm still waiting for my card to arrive in the mail so in the meantime I'm still stuck with cash, not credit. And your friend is equally as broke I suppose. But whatever, your not on trial here. In my book, what you did is a red flag.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 And your friend is equally as broke I suppose. But whatever, your not on trial here. In my book, what you did is a red flag. We're all college students so money is definitely on the stretched side. And I did say I was covering my friend for the night. However, Bob, the red flag you implied, are you saying that it was horrible ( I feel that way anyways) of me to ask Dave to drive me back or is it just a red flag in general? I know I acted completely selfish and there is no defense for me except hopefully make up to him somehow.
marsle85 Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 What is the point of this post? Are you bragging, "Hey everyone, I'm so hot I can get almost strangers to drive somewhere in the AM hours and help me out". Everyone knows most guys will help out women they are attracted to. I don't really know what to make of this post. Haha, okay-- I think that might be pushing it a little. I don't think that's quite what she's getting at-- but I do think OP, you're overthinking this. One, I would never knowingly strand someone- hours away or not. It's just not the right thing to do. He very well may be interested, but I wouldn't interpret this action as a signal of his love, as much as it signifies what kind of person he is. If you're wondering if you're interested in this guy, consider what his action really told you. He's dependable, sympathetic and good-hearted. If the chemistry isn't there, it's not there. But keeping him atleast as a good friend is what i'd do. It's hard to find someone you like romantically, and I think even harder to find an honest, good friend. You don't pass these kind of people up. As for the red flag issue, you did what you had to do. I don't think it could have been helped. But don't think just because you've slept with him that you don't have to play hard to get. You absolutely do. I mean, just consider what your post is all about... You're questioning "Why would he be so nice to me?" You're a little freaked out that he may be overly interested. It's easy for a guy to think the same thing, esp. because women have the "needy/desperate" stereotype. Tell him you'll take him out for coffee as a thankyou. Lunch is a little much to me.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Haha, okay-- I think that might be pushing it a little. I don't think that's quite what she's getting at-- but I do think OP, you're overthinking this. One, I would never knowingly strand someone- hours away or not. It's just not the right thing to do. He very well may be interested, but I wouldn't interpret this action as a signal of his love, as much as it signifies what kind of person he is. If you're wondering if you're interested in this guy, consider what his action really told you. He's dependable, sympathetic and good-hearted. If the chemistry isn't there, it's not there. But keeping him atleast as a good friend is what i'd do. It's hard to find someone you like romantically, and I think even harder to find an honest, good friend. You don't pass these kind of people up. As for the red flag issue, you did what you had to do. I don't think it could have been helped. But don't think just because you've slept with him that you don't have to play hard to get. You absolutely do. I mean, just consider what your post is all about... You're questioning "Why would he be so nice to me?" You're a little freaked out that he may be overly interested. It's easy for a guy to think the same thing, esp. because women have the "needy/desperate" stereotype. Tell him you'll take him out for coffee as a thankyou. Lunch is a little much to me. Yes that. I really do think what he did for me last night definitely changed the way I view him, and in a way it's a good thing. I really didn't see us having any chemistry and in fact I had came to a decision that I didn't want him around either. Yet, I do realize that it's not that bad having a friend around that I can depend on and not someone that I see for a few times and get bored of. That's the kind of attitude I needed to change about myself, and I'm starting to reach the conclusion that it's not bad to have people in my life instead of pushing them all away. I'm terribly frightened if he's overtly interested. That would mean I have to open myself up to someone who might take advantage of my feelings. I'm not ready to date ( exclusively) with anyone, but I don't want to be stuck taking advantage of other people.
The Paper Knight Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 There's really no point. I've slept with him previously so it wasn't like I had any point in playing hard to get. Then he wants some more. Ask him if he is still physically attracted to you, then you will know his motivations.
alphamale Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 He's not even a close friend. Yet deciding to give both my friend and I ride home made me see him in a different light. you should send him something nice
BobSacamento Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 We're all college students so money is definitely on the stretched side. And I did say I was covering my friend for the night. However, Bob, the red flag you implied, are you saying that it was horrible ( I feel that way anyways) of me to ask Dave to drive me back or is it just a red flag in general? I know I acted completely selfish and there is no defense for me except hopefully make up to him somehow. The situation as a hole is a red flag. Him coming to pick you up doesn't reveal anything about you. All it tells you is that he's upstanding citizen. I wouldn't read too much into it. The real question is - did you really want to read too much into it?
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