GrayTree Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I really need help. The love of my life left me suddenly and without any warning one month and one week ago. I have not gotten any better, I feel worse. I cannot accept the fact that he might be gone forever...Im living for the future where he might come back. I truly feel that he will and I Cannot describe why I know he will. But I cry every night, I miss him...I am deeply in love with him and Ive never felt this way about anyone in my life. My grades have severely dropped...everything is darkness. I feel like I am suffocating in my sorrow...the thought of him hating me, or not wanting me around...absoutley kills me. I can hardly live with it. When I see our mutual friends and he's not there and I know its because I am, I want to die. Ive been trying to act happy now, Ive been trying to put on a face...I want him back more than anything and I will do anything...I truly believe he is my "one"...but inside I am breaking. How does anyone cope with this? It came out of nowhere that its like he died and I am mourning his loss and the loss of my life and my future with him. I cant even put into words my pain. I posted my story in "second chances" if anyone wants the details. HEre:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222577/ Anyway...I am desperate for advice on how to live...I've been told, be strong...act like you are moving on (and he will come back)...or forget him, hate him for what he did to you...but I cant do any of that.... This is the darkest time of my life and I can hardly see a way out...can anyone talk to me?
Chi NZ Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I know something of what you feel GrayTree... My first true love and fiance left me because I was too much of an ass to see what I had.. As for the hoping and seeing a future with him...thats okay, as long as you don't let it rule or become a dominant part of your life. By letting go, becoming a better you, you prepare yourself for a second chance, or a new chance with someone else. Just concentrate on being you for now. Focus and let life do as life will. It's a hard concept to come to terms with I know. Just always be true to yourself...
leoine Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I read your original post GrayTree. Me and my ex are of the same age, but our situations aren't exactly the same. But I did go through some of what you were going through. My relationship was such that, in the end, i liked him more than he liked me. We knew we were going to break up - because he was going away - and I could not bring myself to break up earlier. In the end I told him that I loved him, since I had nothing to lose because that's just how I'd felt about him and about a person that i've never felt before. Of course, he didn't love me back. He was 21, never really dated before. Guys take time to mature. Girls mature much earlier. My ex wasn't ready/looking for a long-term relationship. I think more girls are willing/open to a long term relationship at 22. I know not all are, but I don't discount it. I think that your ex is afraid of commitment or not ready to be committed. I know it sucks but there is nothing I can do to get my ex back if i wanted. At least, my ex explicitly told me that he's not going to be looking for the one till at least 25. Most young guys want to party, play the field and in my ex's words 'get more experience' and 'see what he can get'. It's harsh to hear, but at least he was honest. This may not be the case for your ex. It would help a lot if your ex gave you a reason. But even so, to get over the relationship and the fact that my ex could have been the love of my life, i've just kept myself busy. It took me about a month and half (but that's because I knew the relationship was ending) to take him off the pedestal, find other people attractive and learn to love myself first again. I have done NC for a month. This has helped along with keeping myself busy with uni, reading, working and seeing friends, going out.
Rearden Metal Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Hey Gray... you're not alone in your agony. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sick of just constantly feeding the pain by things like reading this site and rehashing all of the feelings. If you'd like, we can talk on AIM or something. I don't know how to private message on here, don't see a link. But let me know if you're interested in that. Basically, shoot the sh*t about any old thing to try to start to feel better. Let me know.
icyness Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I've been keeping up with your posts Gray and my heart really goes out to you. The first few days, to weeks, spanning to months is indescribable. I'm so incredibly sorry you're going through this. I'm not really sure how one get's through the pain. Like everyone here, you just will somehow because you have to I suppose. You'll go through emotional roller coasters big time. One day something inside of you will click and you'll start to feel better. You may even look at old pictures or material possessions and laugh or smile. Another day you may be consumed by emptiness all over again and just wish it all to go away, to be have him back in any way possible. Being left by someone you love seems to create a void like no other, and we're left grasping for answers constantly. All I can tell you is what others have, to try and focus on you. Even if it's little things that make you happy, whether it be cooking, watching a favorite movie, anything, do whatever you can for you. It's so very difficult and seems near impossible to pick up the pieces and start finding yourself after a relationship ends, but it's all you can do. In the end, if you can get through this, you can get through anything; take it one day at a time and know you're definitely not alone. Please message anytime for anything, and keep posting. Hang in there doll. xo
Author GrayTree Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Rearden: I was looknig for a way to private message you as I dont want to reveal my identity here just in case. I couldnt find a way though...Id like to talk to you on AIM.
Els Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Hey GT, I've followed your story as well, and I truly empathize with your pain. The other posters have given wonderful advice... but my opinion? Is that you should get some help with this. If it is affecting you to this extent, talk to a psych - antidepressants are not the answer to everything, but they can help pull you out of this bottoming spiral and give you some strength to start on recovery. Other than that, seek therapy, or grab a close friend and vent all of it out. People who care about you should be willing to help. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. {{GT}}
rand0m Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I know what you're feeling. It's like no matter what people tell you (how it's going to be ok, how the pain eventually fades, how you'll find someone who will love you the way you deserve, how he might come back, etc. etc.), it doesn't make a difference. You can logically interpret what they're saying, and understand where they're coming from, but at the end of the day, you're heart is crushed. All you can think about is the time you had with him, and how you wish those days were these days. For me, I'm still struggling. I see all these stories of how much people have gone through, how many stories are similar to mine, how much they each loved their ex beyond anything, but in my mind, it's almost like I'm telling myself that it's not the same in some way; "my love for her in stronger than all these others". It's unfair, completely, but it's something you can't help but think. All I can tell you, is that as much pain as your in, I gaurantee you that I'm feeling it too. If you're going through what I'm going through, then it actually feels like your heart is empty. Your mind is racing, constantly fixated on your ex. Just know you're not alone. Smile, laugh, joke, have fun, even if you're faking it. Eventually, you won't be faking it anymore.
unsaved Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 GrayTree, Here is my original post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t221304/ . I am in the exact same spot as you. My ex left me about 1 month ago and I was completely shocked. We were so in love and the whole shabang. Now, he is a completely different person. A complete 180 from where we were at only hours before our breakup. He doesn't want to speak to me, see me, or anything. He is disgusted when I contact him. (I know, NC. I am going there now). I feel all the same things as you. I'm actually going to talk to a therapist this week. I would love to chat with you sometime as well, if you want to. You are absolutely not alone. I just created a Windows Messenger account with the email address [email protected]. Feel free to add me as a friend. Anyway, hang in there.
Author GrayTree Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 unsaved: Im going to send you an email, Id like to talk. <3
Author GrayTree Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Unsaved: The email failed! I thought the @hotmail was a mail account!
Rearden Metal Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Sorry for the lapse. My laptop got a nasty virus... So I don't have AIM on this computer but if you'd like to email me you may at [email protected] I'm heading out for the morning but will be around today and would be happy to talk.
unsaved Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Gray Tree, It is a hotmail email account AND a messenger account. Did it not work? Try again.
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