Tres Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Two months ago I met a guy, 40 y.o. online. We liked each other. He has told me that he was looking for LTR, deleted his profile, asked me for exclusivity, phoned me often, we saw each other about 2 times per week. We did not have a lot of in common but there was a lot of chemistry and sex was great for me. The only problem he had was some performance anxiety. Recently, he told me that he was going to see his friend (a girl who he met online a yr ago). He told me that he sees her regularily but they are just friends. So, he sees me on Saturdays, then he invites her to come to his place on Sundays. He states that she is very attractive but they are just friends and that she is very important to him. He does not provide any rational reasons why the friendship is so important to him. I really like the guy and chemistry is great but I feel played/fooled by him. He did me the brainwash about exclusivity, but, in reality, he sees another girl and even lets me know about that. He also states that he wants to date me and he does not want to lose me. What may such strange behavior mean? If he wants to multidate, why would he pretend that he wants exclusivity? Is it possible that a man is interested in a long-term friendship with an attactive girl with whom he has nothing in common? Is it possible that a friendship with a girl is more important to him than a sexual relationship? I feel that I do not want to see him anymore even I like him a lot. Is there any potential that our relationship might work out well?
Clep Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I would not be okay with his choices at such an early stage. His lack of information is not helpful at all either. He shares very little about the situation. Have you talked with him about these concerns you have? If not I would ask him the questions you need to know the answers to. I think that will give you what you need to make an informed decision, and will also provide the opportunity to give you a taste of how things show to be in the communication dept.
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 What may such strange behavior mean? how is this strange? If he wants to multidate, why would he pretend that he wants exclusivity? he is not pretending. Is it possible that a man is interested in a long-term friendship with an attactive girl with whom he has nothing in common? yes, they probably talk about you Is it possible that a friendship with a girl is more important to him than a sexual relationship? you are comparing apples with oranges I feel that I do not want to see him anymore even I like him a lot. Is there any potential that our relationship might work out well? Its obvious you don't trust him, while he has been open with you and even made efforts to make you feel more secure. I am not sure what else do you want from him...
Author Tres Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 I would not be okay with his choices at such an early stage. His lack of information is not helpful at all either. He shares very little about the situation. Have you talked with him about these concerns you have? If not I would ask him the questions you need to know the answers to. I think that will give you what you need to make an informed decision, and will also provide the opportunity to give you a taste of how things show to be in the communication dept. I tried to get the info. All the info he provides that they are friends for 1 yr. Also, it is clear that she is very important to him because of the friendship. He says that he is afraid of making out with her because she might not want it. He says that he is afraid that sex with her might ruin the great friendship. He has performance anxiety. My guess that he is in love with her. My guess, on the other hand, he wants to have fun and sex. That is why he wants to date me so called 'exclusively'.. Also, he might lie me about the friendship. In other words, he might have sex with both of us.
Author Tres Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 how is this strange? he is not pretending. yes, they probably talk about you you are comparing apples with oranges Its obvious you don't trust him, while he has been open with you and even made efforts to make you feel more secure. I am not sure what else do you want from him... Are you him?
2sunny Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 stop seeing him and tell him why and you will find out just how important his friend is. i think she's his sex buddy - and this is his way of letting you in on it so you can't get mad. if he really find you important - he won't see her anymore - or he will just hide it better. given that he'll probably hide it better - i'd stop seeing him. most men don't stay friend after they've dated a gal - unless they still want sex from her. i hope you used protection, yes???
Clep Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 He says that he is afraid of making out with her because she might not want it. That tells me that if she did provide him with any knowledge that she would oblige him, he would do it. It sounds to me like the relationship is platonic on her insistence only. Of all you said that is the only line I would have to hear to be gone.
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I tried to get the info. All the info he provides that they are friends for 1 yr. Also, it is clear that she is very important to him because of the friendship. He says that he is afraid of making out with her because she might not want it. He says that he is afraid that sex with her might ruin the great friendship. He has performance anxiety. My guess that he is in love with her. My guess, on the other hand, he wants to have fun and sex. That is why he wants to date me so called 'exclusively'.. Also, he might lie me about the friendship. In other words, he might have sex with both of us. If I where him I would NOT be so idiotically honest. He has just told you what his intentions are with this 'friend'. This situation is completely messed up. What the hell are you doing even posting this no brainer. Just leave him.
2sunny Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 he has made it perfectly clear you are his second choice since he doesn't have control over his first choice.
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Yah drop this guy like a hot potato. I don't even see why you need to tell him why, that is obvious. He is telling you that you are in an "exclusive, serious relationshipt ", well then you meet his friends. He would be introducing you to her and having you join them for Sunday.
Author Tres Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Yah drop this guy like a hot potato. I don't even see why you need to tell him why, that is obvious. He is telling you that you are in an "exclusive, serious relationshipt ", well then you meet his friends. He would be introducing you to her and having you join them for Sunday. In fact, I suggested that, but he rejected that. He told me that I would be as a third weel.
Author Tres Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 After thinking more about it and putting all details in some order, I guess all this story about a wonderful friend was false. In reality, he just went on Craigslist and found a new girl there. He told me that he went on Craiglist before. So, now he is totally into his new girl and he surely asks her to be exclusive as well. Then, in 2-3 months, all the situation will probably repeat with another new girl from Personals.
ADF Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 There are giant red flags waving all over the place here. Here are some things to think about: 1) Men almost never go out of their way to befriend women they are not attracted to. Almost never. 2) Men often want exclusivity from their female partners, but want non-monogamy for themselves. 3) Men often perceive women as valuing exclusivity very highly. So they lie and say they feel the same way. Good luck.
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