LostWitness Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 (edited) So my ex contacted me yesterday on Facebook about getting 3 novels she needs for a project, back to her. I know she doesn't need it for a project because she gave them to me as a clear gift near the holidays. I dated her for 2.5 years, and everything was going amazing until she said she lost feelings for me and needed space to figure herself out. I begged and pleaded, hand-wrote love letters, and baked her desserts and cooked food, and nothing worked. I finally decided to go No Contact, and it has been 65 days of me hurting, but meeting new girls and finally moving on, although I really want to get my ex back. I am questioning if I should ignore her message which is blatantly written on my Facebook wall, or message her asking for the best way for her to receive the novels and act mature? I can tell by the platonic tone of her message that she might just be testing the field or something. I truly do not know what to do. I am almost "scared" in a way of contacting her: I never told her I was trying to drop communication, I just dropped it myself. I don't know if she truly needs her books back ( which I am doubting...) and I am reading too deep into things, or whether she just misses me and wanted to see how I was? Edited February 28, 2010 by LostWitness
Beolf Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 i don't know what to tell you. in one way, if she left you and caused you pain you should ignore her completely and carry on with your life. but on the other hand, if love isn't worth fighting for, what is? tough call .. good luck! (i know, not much help)
rand0m Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 If you're ready to fight for something you really believe in, then fight for it, but be prepared for potential rejection. Is the gain of possible success and true love greater than the potential pain of being shot down? Nobody can answer that except for you. I know that one day, down the road a ways, I will put up another fight for what I believe is true love between my ex and I, but for now I know it's not going to work in my case. I'd rather fail and at least be able to tell myself I gave it everything I had rather than think for the rest of my life that I didn't do enough.
stillafool Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I say, if you have her address to drop the books in the mail to her. Then drop her an email that you mailed the novels to her. Don't say anything other than that. If she wants to contact you about your relationship let her contact you regarding your relationship. Don't let her use a stupid excuse to feel you out and f--k up your progress. If she wants you back she has to make the moves, not you. 1
Getting_stronger Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I say, if you have her address to drop the books in the mail to her. Then drop her an email that you mailed the novels to her. Don't say anything other than that. If she wants to contact you about your relationship let her contact you regarding your relationship. Don't let her use a stupid excuse to feel you out and f--k up your progress. If she wants you back she has to make the moves, not you. That is bloody great advice!!!! Well said
nowomanocry Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 So my ex contacted me yesterday on Facebook about getting 3 novels she needs for a project, back to her. I know she doesn't need it for a project because she gave them to me as a clear gift near the holidays. I dated her for 2.5 years, and everything was going amazing until she said she lost feelings for me and needed space to figure herself out. I begged and pleaded, hand-wrote love letters, and baked her desserts and cooked food, and nothing worked. I finally decided to go No Contact, and it has been 65 days of me hurting, but meeting new girls and finally moving on, although I really want to get my ex back. I am questioning if I should ignore her message which is blatantly written on my Facebook wall, or message her asking for the best way for her to receive the novels and act mature? I can tell by the platonic tone of her message that she might just be testing the field or something. I truly do not know what to do. I am almost "scared" in a way of contacting her: I never told her I was trying to drop communication, I just dropped it myself. I don't know if she truly needs her books back ( which I am doubting...) and I am reading too deep into things, or whether she just misses me and wanted to see how I was? Your shaking the trees to deceive yourself of what might come out I wrote in many threads that one of the reasons women contact you is to get her things back - might even be knick kniks lol ... You will wonder what the hell they would do with a couple of $ items (even sending them to her via courrier would cost you a fortune lol) So do not make yourself look desperate and like a looser whatever you do from now on.. if she asks about those books tell her you needed toilet roll (every men's god given right lol) Last but not least, never keep her belongings at your place - dump all of 'em to the trash, even the most valuable ones You will never believe the pleasure you are going to get out of it when you do this lol Have a great week-end
TheLoneSock Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 (edited) This is simple. Mail them to her. No note, no call, no text, no FB response, NOTHING. Understand? Just mail the things to her. No contact is required from this. Your lack of communication will speak louder than anything that could ever come out of your mouth. Plus, this eliminates one more thing she can use as an excuse to keep connected to you. In fact, if there is anything else you can think of that she would ask for, mail it along with the books. Just get it all done in one hit. UPS is your friend. I wonder though, will you actually take this advice? Or will you embarrass yourself further by lapping up the breadcrumbs she's dropping you... I wonder. Edited February 28, 2010 by TheLoneSock typo
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 So my ex contacted me yesterday on Facebook about getting 3 novels she needs for a project, back to her. I know she doesn't need it for a project because she gave them to me as a clear gift near the holidays. Don't break NC... She is testing the water to see if she still has control over you! Be strong and listen to your gut and not your dick. Don't give in what ever you do. If you feel like replying to her then reply here and let the LS crew give you the tough love. If she comes knocking on your door, then be cool as a cat - make sure you read the second chance guide on LS, as it will prepare you for an encounter, which can break you if you arent ready for it.
carnegie Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 This is simple. Mail them to her. No note, no call, no text, no FB response, NOTHING. Understand? Just mail the things to her. No contact is required from this. Your lack of communication will speak louder than anything that could ever come out of your mouth. Plus, this eliminates one more thing she can use as an excuse to keep connected to you. In fact, if there is anything else you can think of that she would ask for, mail it along with the books. Just get it all done in one hit. UPS is your friend. I wonder though, will you actually take this advice? Or will you embarrass yourself further by lapping up the breadcrumbs she's dropping you... I wonder. I fully agree with post,TheLonesock. NC means we're just be polite when we must talk to exes, and focus to the point, no question, no mention the past. NC not mean hide!
Author LostWitness Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 TheLoneSock: I will certainly heed your advice. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM. It hurts knowing that someone who told you they wanted to marry you, have kids with you, etc, would put you through a lot of pain. That's life, simply. Anyways, she lives about 20 minutes away from me by car, and I will just drop off the books by the door of her dorm room, and walk away. I will not speak or SMS a word to her. I like how lonesock said she was feeding me the breadcrumbs because it is true. Nothing will speak louder than my silence. I will keep you all updated. Thanks for the support!
stillafool Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I say mail them to her because you might run into her or her friends if you drop them off. I would stay away from there if I were you. Please don't go over there because if she sees you she will think you couldn't wait to come running to try to see her.
nowomanocry Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 TheLoneSock: Nothing will speak louder than my silence. I so agree with this! Straight to the target!
nowomanocry Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I say mail them to her because you might run into her or her friends if you drop them off. I would stay away from there if I were you. Please don't go over there because if she sees you she will think you couldn't wait to come running to try to see her. Partially agree - if you do not trust yourself do not go there, just mail them. However, if you are self-confident, go there, drop the books and leave a note "here are your books...etc." (without anything emotional) and then simply leave. That will be a shock for her to know you was there and didnt even bother knocking on the door lol Good Luck!
Author LostWitness Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Yeah, I will probably just drop them off and not say anything.
stillafool Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 OP did you drop the books off or mail them to her?
Ilovecake Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Completely ignore what she needs and do what you feel comfortable doing. If she really truly needed those books she could probably replace them. I doubt she's doing a project on books that are out of print and unattainable.
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