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How do you get over the fear of being hurt again?


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Posted

I've been dating this amazing guy for almost a month now, and I'm really starting to fall for him. Everything is going really well, and I can see a lot of long-term potential with him. It seems like he feels the same way. We haven't had any talks about exclusivity or anything, but it seem as though we are heading in that direction. So, I should be over the moon right now, right?

 

Except I can't help but feel like the rug is going to be pulled out from under me. Over the last week or so I've really developed pretty strong feelings for this guy. Like I said, everything is going really well and I have no indication of him changing his mind about me or disappearing anytime soon, but I'm really really afraid of being hurt and disappointed by a guy again.

 

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom to help me enjoy this process instead of being anxious about it? I feel like I can't calm down until I have some form of commitment from him, but I don't want to rush into anything either.

Posted
Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom to help me enjoy this process instead of being anxious about it? I feel like I can't calm down until I have some form of commitment from him, but I don't want to rush into anything either.

 

 

It sounds like you're having fun, so run with it. nobody knows the future. Every gift you get in this life comes with the possibilty that you may lose it. So live in the moment, not in your fears

Posted
It sounds like you're having fun, so run with it. nobody knows the future. Every gift you get in this life comes with the possibilty that you may lose it. So live in the moment, not in your fears

 

That is awesome advice. I really dig this line "Every gift you get in this life comes with the possibilty that you may lose it." Seriously, you should take this advice to heart. Don't let you fears of getting hurt prevent you from being with someone you could possible love. If you do, you will have nothing but regrets

Posted

You've gotten good advice. I just want to add enjoy the moments you share because nothing is a given. I was big on making memorable moments with my children, little did I know they'd be taken from me and later my son would kill himself.

 

I'm now with a man I love so much I nearly cried telling him I loved him during dinner the other night. He's romantic, loving, and well I still don't know if we'll work out or not but I'm enjoying the time I share with him because I do love him and it's been two months together Monday. :love:

Posted

I disagree with the modernist advice.

 

Try to have a DTR (define The Relationship) with him. If you're wanting a real relationship and he's wanting "fun" its best to know right away. It could start with a simple, "So, like are we an item" conversation.

 

Also,

 

Try to not invest your whole self in another person. Try not to always think of him especially if you don't know where he is.

 

 

Also, make sure to NOT always do what feels the best. Do what makes sense to become the person you want to be. This might mean investing in a person that is willing to invest in you, even if it is scary. This might mean owning up to reality if he's "just not that into you"

Posted

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom to help me enjoy this process instead of being anxious about it? I feel like I can't calm down until I have some form of commitment from him, but I don't want to rush into anything either.

 

I had this same problem after breaking up with my ex (aka the king of jerks). Anyway, what helped me progress was realizing that the guy I was with was not my ex. He didn't hurt me in the past, and I couldn't let him pay for the mistakes of my ex, wasn't fair. With that said, I always run into this problem of wanting to kinda rush things when they shouldn't be rushed. Just take some time and try to sit back and enjoy the relationship as is.

Posted
You've I was big on making memorable moments with my children, little did I know they'd be taken from me and later my son would kill himself.

 

I'm now with a man I love so much I nearly cried telling him I loved him during dinner the other night. He's romantic, loving, and well I still don't know if we'll work out or not but I'm enjoying the time I share with him because I do love him and it's been two months together Monday. :love:

 

 

 

My God, thats' horrible what you've been through. But I'm glad you've found the love of your life.

Posted

Easy...by never letting yourself love again or be loved again...

 

 

Disclaimer...I'm trashed...I hate my life...

Posted
Easy...by never letting yourself love again or be loved again...

 

 

Disclaimer...I'm trashed...I hate my life...

 

 

Easy on yourself Devil Dog! I'm a little trashed too.

Posted
Easy on yourself Devil Dog! I'm a little trashed too.

 

 

No, it's cool. I know my place in this world.

Posted
No, it's cool. I know my place in this world.

 

 

That's not true and you know it

Posted
That's not true and you know it

 

 

But seriously though...I will be that old fat guy who eats at those all-you-can-eat buffets by himself...that much I know...

Posted
But seriously though...I will be that old fat guy who eats at those all-you-can-eat buffets by himself...that much I know...

 

 

Oh bull$hit I'm gettin my boat paddle ready

Posted
Oh bull$hit I'm gettin my boat paddle ready

 

 

The boat paddle is my line...don't you dare use my line...:o

 

I should probably pass out and go to sleep now...I had a long night of moping...

Posted
The boat paddle is my line...don't you dare use my line...:o

 

I should probably pass out and go to sleep now...I had a long night of moping...

 

I can use your line on you! You really do need some sleep. I wont tolerate the moping, however.

Posted

And btw, there's a friend of yours who didn't have such a great day today either, and you know who I mean

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Posted

Thanks for the great advice! I guess you're right...every good thing comes with the possibility of losing it, so you do just need to deal with it. And I shouldn't hold him responsible for the mistakes of the guys I've dated in the past either. I should trust him until I have a reason to think he's not trustworthy or not after the same thing that I am.

 

Do you think this is something worth discussing with him, or just let it be and try to do the best I can getting over this fear on my own? I don't want to force him into the exclusivity talk but I don't want my fears to get the best of me.

Posted

You sound like my ex (we broke up 10 days ago after chasing each other for a month)... her ex cheated on her and she was badly hurt...well I ddnt understand her she was with me but she was scared and eventually she broke it off...I thought it was her post so I will talk to you as if I'm talking to her...

 

don't stop drinking water just because there is a chance you may choke...if you need time then take it to get over your ex...not to stay away from your current guy...not all guys suck...eventually you will have to stay with one guy so..how would u find if u never try ? take things slow...but not too slow...get to know him better...try him...ask about him...but DO NOT AT ANY COST let him pay for what your ex did if he's a good guy...I wish you luck and he seems like a good guy

Posted
Do you think this is something worth discussing with him, or just let it be and try to do the best I can getting over this fear on my own? I don't want to force him into the exclusivity talk but I don't want my fears to get the best of me.

 

 

If you feel you need to, sure go ahead, But it looks to me that you both enjoy yourselves together very much. I would leave the worry out of it until there's something to worry about. Concentrate having fun with him. Let the worry take care of itself

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