livinlovin Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I finally decided to try online dating. I went on a few so-so dates, but soldiered on. Then, I met this guy that I really liked. He was intelligent, thoughtful, and kind. We dated for a few weeks and have a lot of chemistry. Last night, though, I was over at his house to watch a movie, and he asked if I wanted to see his basement. (My internal thought: no good can come of this). Turns out, he likes these science fiction board games and has a whole room full of miniature game pieces (think: dragons and such) that he built and painted himself. I am FREAKED out, and he could definitely tell that I was weirded out. He said he has friends over and they play this game to hang out and relax. This is definitely not my thing and I would be embarrassed for other people to see this room. Am I being too picky about this whole thing?
TouchedByViolet Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It depends on you. Everyone has hobbies they enjoy that others don't care for. Freaking out sounds like an over reaction but if the sci-fi/boardgame side of him is such a big turnoff for you then sounds like a deal breaker
TheWatcher Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 (edited) I don't think that you're being picky.You reacted the way that most women would have. Personally,I'm not into the whole dungeons & dragons scene but I wouldn't judge a guy who is or think less of him.Generally speaking,women tend to be creeped out very easily & perhaps this guy should have taken this into consideration before he shared his hobby with you. I think that he may have just been trying to reveal a little about himself...the whole "getting to know each other better" thing.It backfired because it involved something that raises red flags/concerns for a lot of women.Although,there is nothing inherently wrong with such an interest. As you wrote...he was intelligent,thoughtful & kind but if this is enough to turn you off perhaps you shouldn't agree to see him again. Edited February 28, 2010 by TheWatcher
Zeegagge Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Yes you're being too picky! sheesh. So the guy has a hobby you don't like, so what? I mean it's not like he has a basement full of whips and chains or small children locked away, or... Games like that, while 'dorky' do encourage social interaction. I mean, what would be ok? Fantasy football? The whips and chains? A Pamela Anderson shrine? When he has game night use that time to do things with your friends or pursue your own hobby. It's a good thing he knows how to spend his time and found something that makes him happy when he's not in a relationship. I mean if you didn't like the guy for other reasons then I get it, but you said he's thoughtful and you have chemistry. Those two things are a HUGE part of what makes for a good relationship and you're worried about some innocent metal figurines that never hurt anyone (in real life anyway)??? This is why a good guy can never seem to get ahead. Personally I think that stuff is dorky too, but EVERY GIRL IVE EVER DATED has had some hobby or interest that I wasn't into. Most obvious example is them being obsessed with celebrity gossip which I think is outright stupid. Nonetheless I let them have their time to read Perez Shilton whatever and I popped in a video game for a bit. Everybody's happy then a while later I bust open a bottle of wine and light a candle or two.
EnglishMuffin Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Yes you're being picky on this. One of my close guy friends is a game programmer. He is a board game collector, it really is his passion. I join his board game nights sometimes. And they are actually very fun, and the architecture of those games are very intricate and psychologically driven. He is a really sweet guy. I find it sad that his girlfriend has no interest in what he's doing (be it his work, his interest in board games and scifi and horror films)... Scrabble, Monopoly, and SceneIt are all board games too. What he likes comes with more complicated rule sets, narratives, and etc.
spiderowl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It's his hobby, a game that he enjoys playing. It's no worse than online games. But, the main thing is, is it going to take too much of his time up. Is he addicted to the point where he will neglect you? How has he treated you so far? Like any other major hobby, it is likely to impact on your life together. Would it be any better if it was football? If he treats you well and it doesn't seem to control him, I wouldn't worry.
Clep Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Huh??????????? You are saying he has the qualities you are seeking in a man, but one of his hobbies is not something you would appreciate so you are unsure if you can continue seeing him? You are actually making a hobby of his more important than the qualities he possesses that can build a quality relationship. Your way of thinking seems strange to me, not his hobby. Guess that is the beauty of life though....acceptance of each other's differences.
D-Lish Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I don't see anything wrong with his hobby. Then again- I dig the sci-fi genre. I read a lot of sci-fi and I always wanted to play D&D when I was younger, but it seemed like a "guy thing". When you're "into" someone, it's important to respect the hobbies because it's a part of them. Guys wouldn't get too excited over a lot of things that girls do. Do you think guys enjoy watching "The Notebook" or other ridiculous movies that make women swoon? Whether or not it's a deal breaker for you is entirely up to you. If it's something you can't get past, then so be it. It wouldn't phase me personally- but you're the one that has to date him. Only you can decide if it's too much for you to handle.
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Last night, though, I was over at his house to watch a movie, and he asked if I wanted to see his basement. (My internal thought: no good can come of this). Turns out, he likes these science fiction board games and has a whole room full of miniature game pieces (think: dragons and such) that he built and painted himself. Sounds like the plot of the 40 year virgin. lol Am I being too picky about this whole thing? I know guys that do this (the game is called Warhammer) and although its not my cup of tea, its seems like an innocent artistic endeavour. At least its kept in his basement.
Awesome Username Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 You should feel lucky. He's a keeper. Warhammer rules!
Author livinlovin Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 I guess I just struggle with what aspects of a guy I could learn to live with and which aspects would be dealbreakers. I have had many relationships where the problem that eventually broke up the relationship was clearly evident early on, but I just chose to ignore it at the time or hoped that I would learn to deal with it. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt on this one, since I do see many other qualities that can be positive.
alphamale Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Am I being too picky about this whole thing? he sounds sort of nerdy
Author livinlovin Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Alphamale, that's kind of a given from my post isn't it? Plus, I need an intelligent man who appreciates intelligent women, so I tend to gravitate towards more "nerdy" types. That's not always a bad thing!
mushmush Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 My dad is a HUGE science fiction fan. Loves Star Trek, Doctor Who, Babylon 5 etc etc (even want's me to go to a star trek convention with him, eip!!).. Mum cant stand the stuff, infact hates it and will not watch an episode. Still does not stop them having an amazing relationship.. You are being way to picky as this does not change anything about who he is as a person..
Krytie TV Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt on this one, since I do see many other qualities that can be positive. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt here, but you get my 2010 award for "Princess of the Year"... so far. That could change. But really, I think your concern over his hobby says more about you than him, and honestly, it isn't flattering.
Author livinlovin Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Krytie, yikes. What a scathing review. I will certainly take that into consideration. In my defense, I'm fairly cautious in the early stages of a relationship due to being burned in the past. We always hear that you aren't supposed to settle. But any relationship involves a fair amount of acceptance and compromise, right? I have a hard time figuring out where that line is. If I wasn't aware that I might be acting too judgemental and picky, then I would not have even posted, right?
Krytie TV Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 My advice to you is any time you lose sight of this "line" you're referring to, ask yourself one question: Is "this" something that is part of who he is, or is it a behavior that he exhibits? If you think he is a good guy then anything falling into the catogory of "part of who he is" is inconsequential. It's the things people do that should be more scrutinized. It sounds like he has done nothing but be good to you. Therefore, no problems exist. And just so you know, hobbies do not make the man. I played D&D from the time I was 10, played Magic, watch MST3K, and am fully capable of having social interactions outside of my home and treating a woman well. At least I think so.
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