But it's MY job to play hard to get!!!!

[Twenty-ten]

No, sorry. Men who date large numbers of women aren't doing it as part of a search for the "right one." Almost never. They are after quantity, not quality. If you think that one day he is going to pick just one and forget the others, you're seriously mistaken. That almost never happens.

 

 

Exactly I agree! This guy has player (game player that is) I don't think he is smooth enough to have that many women on the go, written all over him.

 

Look you may like a challenge, and this is exactly what you will get with this guy, but stop being puddy in his hands. When he asked you if you would see him when he got back you should have said "I don't know I can't think that far ahead" wink wink. And left it at that. Then let him come to you stop making all the efforts to contact him and all this banter is fun and all, but sooner or later you will dig yourself into an endless pit of desire to hear from him. You are becoming addicted to the little attention he is giving you over texts. You are being too eager with him, and that is exactly what a guy who takes this much time to plan out some gay pick-up scheme, wants. Show him it won't work with you, lose interest in him in your actions and he won't know what hit him. Be unpredictable instead of "playing hard to get"

[PJKino]

It's called intuition.

 

It's one of the senses, we women naturally seem to have.

 

Life is funny that way.

 

Somebody once was quoted as saying that women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking

[soulm8]

It's all too easy to label men as players when they don't seem keen on focusing all their attention on one woman. Hmmm... men label women that multi-date... double standard or what?

 

An attractive man with his life in order has OPTIONS, just as equally attractive women have options.

 

The difference, is that women tend to attach too quickly once we've become sexually intimate. We have a much harder time separating love from sex than men do.

 

You basically just met him... continue getting to know him and if you BOTH continue to intrigue one another... eventually there won't be any other (people) dates for either of ya!

[quantomofsolace]

What you are expecting from him?

you are playing hard and he is too. he might have access to women just as you do to men. so its up to you to decide

 

 

Hey guys,

 

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who's taking time out of their days to post something helpful. This is the deal:

 

I met X at a bar on New Year's Eve, he asked for my number and called me three days after. Asked if I wanted to do dinner, I agreed. It's important to know that I'm 20, and he's 25. He took me out to a very nice restaurant, and when I was about to leave, he asked if I wanted to get dessert. At that point, I'd already told him "Busy etc." so I declined politely and called it a night. I called after, thanked him for the date. A week goes by, no word from him. I send him a goofy text and immediately he asks me out again. We make plans for a week later, and carry on. Our texting is sparse in between dates. Second date is even better, he takes me to another nice place, and for dessert. Easily spending a lot of money on me (which doesn't greatly matter, but implies his interest). Mid date he grabs me on the street and kisses me. I'm swept off my feet, and I was speechless. We then kiss casually for the remainder of the second date. Drives me home (I live like 30 mins away). After that date, over another week passes without talking to him! I break down and text him again, and slowly we ease into making plans again. No official plans were made but the next day we were texting and I suggested Saturday. He says he has lunch plans already but "You want to see me, so we'll figure something out". What the heck does that mean? I dismissed it and stopped texting him. Two days go by and I get a text asking if I was free Friday. I accept. Friday arrives and we get dinner (another nice place) and go to a movie. The date was REALLY good overall. We made out a little in his car, and again he drives me home. The next day he texts me implying that he wants to see me sometime this week even though his week is swamped (He's working 84hrs!) That was on Saturday. Monday I text him and we joke around about the movie, and how he had promised to cook for me. He confirms that he plans to. It's now the following Saturday and I haven't talked to him since Monday!

 

What concerns me about this situation:

-We will go over a week without talking! And when we do, it's because I texted him! He always responds, but why isn't he texting me? I feel crazy because I'm like "wow, I'm starting to like this guy" and I know I'm thinking about him all the time, clearly he's not.

-Our dates are great, but is it normal to have such down time between them? 2 weeks in between dates? Really?

-Does he not take me seriously because of my age?

-Should I bother texting him again...and do I want to get involved in something if he's only half-invested?

 

I'm sorry, but I strongly believe that if someone's interested, they will text or call or get in contact. And I also know that it's not entirely up to him, which is why I have been texting too. But considering the last time we talked, I initiated the conversation, I think it's time to cool it and give him time.

 

Someone once told me that "women fall in love when they see more of a man, men fall in love when they miss a woman". Overall, I think it's better to give it time and not put pressure on. I know I sound crazy, but I do understand that me texting and trying to further our plans isn't the answer. Either he's interested or not, and time will tell.

 

But it doesn't make it easy.

[Twenty-ten]

 

You basically just met him... continue getting to know him and if you BOTH continue to intrigue one another... eventually there won't be any other (people) dates for either of ya!

 

 

This is great if they actually were dating and getting to know each other, she has been on two dates with him the second of which she had to basically instigate by chasing after him. He neglected her phone call. She proceeded to chase him with a text yet again, then he said "ok let's go out again."

 

It's at a point where she is doing the text/chasing of him and he feeds her little snippets of hope, also via text. That is hardly "getting to know one another" that is just feeding his ego and his stupid game.

 

If that suits some women, then by all means....

[soulm8]

It's at a point where she is doing the text/chasing of him and he feeds her little snippets of hope, also via text. That is hardly "getting to know one another" that is just feeding his ego and his stupid game.

 

If that suits some women, then by all means....

 

Don't you see how negative, pessimistic and insecure that sounds?

 

I know from my own experience that when a guy puts me up on a pedestal before he knows me... that my skin crawls. I'm not a princess... I'm a woman.

 

It takes time to get to know someone. It's retarded to put all your eggs in one basket, at a time... just so that nobody can accuse you of feeding your ego and playing stupid games.

[Twenty-ten]

Don't you see how negative, pessimistic and insecure that sounds?

 

I know from my own experience that when a guy puts me up on a pedestal before he knows me... that my skin crawls. I'm not a princess... I'm a woman.

 

It takes time to get to know someone. It's retarded to put all your eggs in one basket, at a time... just so that nobody can accuse you of feeding your ego and playing stupid games.

 

 

No I don't. How is not waiting around to get a guy's attention by being the one to do all the chasing of said guy, insecure?

 

You went from one extreme to the other, who said the guy should put her on a pedestal? I said the guy should be making minimum effort this guy is not. He is dangling a proverbial carrot in her face, only because she is chasing after him. If you think what she is doing is smart and secure then we come from two entirely different schools of thought.

 

Then again, I would never stoop that low, my time is too valuable for these types of time waster games. A guy either want's to date me or not, I don't wait around to make moves on him to coax him into being interested in me.

"I'm going to be super busy for the next month, will you go out with me then when my time frees up?" and all on text. Ridiculous!

[soulm8]

he feeds her little snippets of hope, also via text. That is hardly "getting to know one another" that is just feeding his ego and his stupid game.

 

That is what I was referring to as negative, pessimistic and insecure.

 

I'm not advising AU to wait around and chase him! I hope she puts herself out there and dates more men... all on an equal playing field... let the best man win. It's all about who intrigues us the most, who makes you want to settle down.

 

I'm simply sharing my opinion - I'm not here to argue

[Twenty-ten]

 

I'm not advising AU to wait around and chase him!

 

 

But she IS doing that, she is doing all the chasing.

Stop texting him and stop contacting him that's your test to see how seriously interested he is. It's easy and effortless to hit reply on your text and engage in silly banter. And that's not interest that's just time killing.

 

It's true interest to pick up the phone and say "I want to see you again, when are you available next?" That's getting to know someone, and taking your time to let the best man win.

[marsle85]

Well you guys are whipping me into shape. I like it. Haha... Okay. So very well. That's exactly what I shall do.

 

You are becoming addicted to the little attention he is giving you over texts. You are being too eager with him, and that is exactly what a guy who takes this much time to plan out some gay pick-up scheme, wants. Show him it won't work with you, lose interest in him in your actions and he won't know what hit him. Be unpredictable instead of "playing hard to get"

 

I like that. These recent posts have really put things into a different perspective for me. Twenty-ten is right. True interest isn't the banter. Interest is "when can I see you again?" at the end of the day. So here I go. He won't be back from vacation for a week. From this moment forward I will not/shall not/refuse to initiate a text.

 

Now the rules:

 

-I'm NEVER allowed to text casually? Ever?

-Since i've already set a precedent of initiating texts, will this totally give him the wrong idea? Am I doing a 360?

 

You know what. It's true- I have a great reason for showing little eagerness. He's left for a week and I will not have seen him in 3 weeks! It's just a tender balance between showing "I don't ask you "how high" when you ask me to jump" and disinterest. How can I make the transition into being unpredictable smoothly?

 

What are my regulations?

 

As always, thanks for the help guys. I think the last two pages of this thread have given me the best advice. I can take it, dish it out!

[D-Lish]

Now the rules:

 

-I'm NEVER allowed to text casually? Ever?

-Since i've already set a precedent of initiating texts, will this totally give him the wrong idea? Am I doing a 360?

 

You know what. It's true- I have a great reason for showing little eagerness. He's left for a week and I will not have seen him in 3 weeks! It's just a tender balance between showing "I don't ask you "how high" when you ask me to jump" and disinterest. How can I make the transition into being unpredictable smoothly?

 

As always, thanks for the help guys. I think the last two pages of this thread have given me the best advice. I can take it, dish it out!

 

I think it's best to just let him do more of the initiating and put forth more of an effort.

 

Not that you should never initiate a casual text here and there- but I'd put that on the back burner until he's shown more interest in initiating first contact with you.

 

A true test would be to wait and see how long things go without you making contact. He def needs to ask you out the next time around. If you hold back and don't hear from him- he's just not interested enough.

 

He's learned that he doesn't need to make an effort with you. You initiate, you ask him out- so he doesn't need to do any work...believe me, that will suit some men just fine.

 

There is nothing wrong with him wondering why he hasn't heard from you! Becoming more unpredictable may be the kick in the butt he needs to make more of an effort.

[Barky]

I play hard to get and it's incredibly fun.

 

Yeah it's definitely an enjoyable power-trip. I can understand why chicks do it. Sometimes it's more fun to say No than actually make the deal, even when the deal would have been a good one.

 

I remember once when I was in my early 20s I was out walking downtown and these two beautiful blonde girls, twins I think, beckoned me over to them. I just blew 'em off and walked right by.

 

So here, a decade later, I can think back with enjoyment on my power and desirability at the time and fantasize about what might have happened, rather than face the disappointing truth I would otherwise know if I'd walked over to them. They probably wanted to tell me my fly was open or something

[Twenty-ten]

 

Now the rules:

 

-I'm NEVER allowed to text casually? Ever?

 

No silly, of course you are!!

What you need to do is back off from being the one intiating contact when he seems so on the fence about making a true effort to see you. That's all let him come to you, and let him come your way with more than just playful texts let him come to you with concrete plans to see you and make the time to get to know you. Otherwise you are just having nothing more than some fun banter, that strokes his ego when he is feeling like he needs a boost.

 

-Since i've already set a precedent of initiating texts, will this totally give him the wrong idea? Am I doing a 360?

No. It will give him the idea that you don't have any more time for his games. It was fun for a bit but you are over it now. And people get tired of things and move on all the time, so it's not drastic it's reality. If he wants to make the time to see you great, otherwise you are sending him the message "ok buddy this was fun and all but it gets tired fast to play this silly game and I'm over it"

 

It's like D-lish said put the ball in his court and let him show you just how interested he is.

 

Look you are absolutely gorgeous, and very smart I have read your posts and you are light years ahead in terms of reasoning for someone as young as 20 (that's suppose to be a nice comment I hope I don't offend anyone with that comment) . So don't worry so much about how he will interpret things if you suddenly lay low. He thinks he has you, but in laying low you are sending him the message that he really doesn't. It is clear that this guy likes to play games hard, and just because he likes to play games doesn't mean you like it too. Which clearly you don't since it is getting you nowhere concrete. I think he is interested by the is more interested in the power trip.

 

 

You know what. It's true- I have a great reason for showing little eagerness. He's left for a week and I will not have seen him in 3 weeks! It's just a tender balance between showing "I don't ask you "how high" when you ask me to jump" and disinterest. How can I make the transition into being unpredictable smoothly?

no more contacting him first. That's it. If he does contact you keep it short and sweet as you already do. You are very good at the banter and your come backs are witty and funny/flirty so I am sure you will do just fine when he comes to you, but the key is let him come to you. If he is contacting you but just playing more text games then there is your answer, that is all he wants. Is that all you want out of this? No.

 

 

 

Thanks for the help guys. I think the last two pages of this thread have given me the best advice. I can take it, dish it out!

 

My parting remark to you is:

 

"you are so money baby, and you don't even know it." - Vince Vaughn - Swingers.

[Twenty-ten]

Furthermore to add to my last post:

 

If you do stop contacting him, my prediction is that he will come back at you with something coy along the lines of "what happened aren't you interested in me any more?". These types of games are so predictable. He just needs to know you are still there, and when he fancies a go that you will jump as high as he says, like you already stated. You are not a circus trick puppy ready to jump through hoops you like a challenge not stupid games.

[D-Lish]

Furthermore to add to my last post:

 

If you do stop contacting him, my prediction is that he will come back at you with something coy along the lines of "what happened aren't you interested in me any more?". These types of games are so predictable. He just needs to know you are still there, and when he fancies a go that you will jump as high as he says, like you already stated. You are not a circus trick puppy ready to jump through hoops you like a challenge not stupid games.

 

Well said- along with your previous post to this one.

[Twenty-ten]

Well said- along with your previous post to this one.

 

Thanks D-Lish right back at you with your posts!

 

I hate seeing people who think they can do what they want with others, so us older broads have to look out for our younger sisters and brothers.

[marsle85]

Alright guys, this is really helpful. Thanks for your input. Twenty-ten, I think you delivered just what I needed! I believe it's the perfect time to get things in order. Not to mention - my interest IS fading. I will have not seen him for three weeks! And considering the novelty is decreasing, i've just acquired the theory: If you want to enter my life, great. If not- i'm fine, i'm good, i'm happy.

 

I'll update you when needed!

 

Thanks again, and always welcome new thoughts!

[marsle85]

Hey guys...

 

So the guy texted me the day he returned, the following Monday and we made plans for Friday (today). He also kept in touch Wednesday, etc. So far so good...

 

We had plans tonight- aaand well, I'm sick.

 

I shot him a heads up text yesterday, and I know i'm not well enough to go. The thing is, I don't want him to see me when i'm sick- and I don't want to get him sick... So I definitely can't go.

 

It just sucks- I haven't seen him in almost 3 weeks!

 

So- what do I say? I want to make plans again obviously- but I feel kinda lame. I don't know.

[mrkleen]

This guy has you ON THE HOOK.

 

He is either a master player – or too dumb to know how to deal with women, but either way you are buying it hook, line, and sinker.

 

 

Oh, and hope you feel better

[Jersey Shortie]

He says he has lunch plans already but "You want to see me, so we'll figure something out".

-him:"I'll probably get back before it gets here. And hey, what's this 'babe' stuff?

-me: I really don't know, haha.

-him: Well it's cute. I'll forgive you...this time.

 

He's pretty smooth! Which is fun and cute but doesn't always mean much.

 

 

-I'm NEVER allowed to text casually? Ever?

 

Yes. Don't text him. Let him text you. And that wouldn't always be my advice but this man seems pretty smooth so he should be the one coming to you. When he contacts you, you can playfully banter with him.

 

-Since i've already set a precedent of initiating texts, will this totally give him the wrong idea? Am I doing a 360?

 

Nahh, he just might wonder why your interest is slugging off which could be a good thing considering how busy he always is. Make him work harder for it.

 

You know what. It's true- I have a great reason for showing little eagerness. He's left for a week and I will not have seen him in 3 weeks! It's just a tender balance between showing "I don't ask you "how high" when you ask me to jump" and disinterest. How can I make the transition into being unpredictable smoothly?

 

I am not ready to write him off but I would be careful with him. To be unpredictable, your transition doesn't need to be smooth. Just don't be as eager for him. He will wonder whats going on. And you have no obligation to him since he's been off and on. Only time is going to tell how serious this one is.

 

Hey guys...

 

So the guy texted me the day he returned, the following Monday and we made plans for Friday (today). He also kept in touch Wednesday, etc. So far so good...

 

We had plans tonight- aaand well, I'm sick.

 

I shot him a heads up text yesterday, and I know i'm not well enough to go. The thing is, I don't want him to see me when i'm sick- and I don't want to get him sick... So I definitely can't go.

 

It just sucks- I haven't seen him in almost 3 weeks!

 

So- what do I say? I want to make plans again obviously- but I feel kinda lame. I don't know.

 

It's good he texted you right away.

 

Don't worry about not being able to make it everytime he asks. Even though your sick. You should be a little unavaible to him. Especially since he was away.

 

I am curious, did he follow through on asking you to come over for dinner? I can guarentee that if he is asking to cook you dinner at his place, he is looking for sex.

 

And at this point, I would not have sex with him. He hasn't made any kind of real strong standing point that he will stick around.

[dreamingoftigers]

It's the truth. Men who are sincere and upfront with women get walked all over.

 

My husband was very blunt on what he wanted early on in our relationship. I certainly didn't walk all over him. We were engaged after 3 months. The first few years were insanely awesome!

[marsle85]

Thanks for the advice everyone!

 

I called him today and explained I wasn't feeling great and wasn't up for going out. He suggested a quick coffee. We debated times/etc. until I said "let's just reschedule..." He offered a Monday/Tuesday raincheck.

 

So as of now- we have plans early next week.

 

And as for the dinner/sex thing...good call, haha. We didn't get into specifics on what we were going to do today, but i'll let you know when I know about next week's plans.

 

Even if he does make me dinner- I'm not having sex with him. We're not on that level anyway, I don't think he expects it. Am I crazy for thinking that HE doesn't expect it? I just don't think he does. We'll make out, etc. That's it.

 

Plus, uhm. I have certain limitations anyway, haha.

 

What i've noticed about this guy is that he likes working for it. Maybe i'm just trying to make myself feel better...but it really seems like it. I think he likes the challenge, so even though I'd LIKE to get comfortable, etc... long run - mystery will pay off.

[Jersey Shortie]

Most men like working for it.

 

He shouldn't expect it. But if he does, that's his problem. Not yours.

[marsle85]

Haha, so true. I am not swayed by pouting/immaturity. I sympathize with desire/frustration... but my sympathy doesn't bring forth much action until due time.

[mrkleen]

What i've noticed about this guy is that he likes working for it. Maybe i'm just trying to make myself feel better...but it really seems like it. I think he likes the challenge, so even though I'd LIKE to get comfortable, etc... long run - mystery will pay off.

 

Seems like YOU are doing most of the "working" to be honest.

 

This guy is either so smooth that he is a pure player....or he is clueless and doesnt know WTF he is doing and that is working to his advantage in the short term.

 

There is no harm in going along with it for a while longer if you like him. But sooner or later, you are going to want more straight answers and less head games. If he can transition to that later...you may be on to something. But something in my gut says this guy will never be down to earth, straight up, honest with you about his time and feelings.