gypsy_nicky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 OP, do not listen to what the women and the 'nice' men here are saying. If this dude your seeing were to come as too available and too affectionate really quick, you will be turned off. Many women see being too available as clingy and someone that's clearly a doormat. YOu will most likely start controlling the dude once the power play becomes unbalanced. From your post it seems you two are doing fine. Just chill and reciprocate further dates should you want to see him.
353 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 OP, do not listen to what the women and the 'nice' men here are saying. Correction - good men and women Dump him. Those 84 hours of "work" are working at seducing other women.
Author marsle85 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Ugh. Sooo what is it? I guess just wait it out.
Johnny M Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 What comes to mind: My boy has skills. Guys--pay attention to what he does and the reaction/longing it is generating. The OP may say differently but if he had been too eager, he'd be relegated to a different category by now. Ever wonder why women think that playing hard to get is an effective strategy? It's called projection. Women themselves fall for it very easily, so they assume that men act the same way.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 M, next time do try to go dutch, and if you are going to sit down to dinner initiate the conversations with more questions directed at him. That way you'll get him to tell you more about himself. I've definitely been on a few dates where the guy offers to pay. I always let him get the first dinner tab and if there's a second date, I'd go dutch. I never go for more than 2-3 dates expecting them to pay because I don't like owing anything to anyone, even if it's dinner.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Ugh. Sooo what is it? I guess just wait it out. I thought you were dating other people? If this guy is getting to you like this, then you actually do like him more than you care to admit. I would say put him on the backburner until he comes back. He should contact you first if he wants to meet up. If not then you know he's not interested.
Author marsle85 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 That's an interesting idea. Thanks for your help, I've read some of your posts and I sympathize completely. He's going to cook me dinner, so maybe i'll bring dessert. It's a difficult line. Not taking advantage of him, but still making him chase you, you know? The moment you make it easy, he quits doing what you felt bad for making him do anyway.
Author marsle85 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Ok!! Look at this conversation!! what??? : him: so are you going to pick up this postcard i'm sending you? me: Well you could mail it, post cards like post offices babe. him: haha, well i'll probably get home before the card... and what's this "babe" stuff???? lol me: (now freaking out) I don't really know lol him: Haha, it's cute. I'll forgive you...this time ....what??
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Ok!! Look at this conversation!! what??? : him: so are you going to pick up this postcard i'm sending you? me: Well you could mail it, post cards like post offices babe. him: haha, well i'll probably get home before the card... and what's this "babe" stuff???? lol me: (now freaking out) I don't really know lol him: Haha, it's cute. I'll forgive you...this time ....what?? Okay I'm confused. Why would he mail you a postcard? You're over-reading his reactions. He merely asked you why you called him babe. You could have responded, because I called everyone babe or something to that effect. Chillax and play things cool. If you overreact to every little thing you're going to give yourself away that you actually like this guy, which isn't a bad thing except it would completely contradict your whole " I'm supposed to play hard to get" thing.
Pink Cupcakes Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 marsle85, could we have an update on this situation?
Green Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 marsle85, could we have an update on this situation? I'm going to guess it didn't work out.
georgia girl Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Okay, he's into you but not THAT into you. Why? You're chasing him. He gets it. Wait her out a week and she'll text. Quite frankly, IMHO, men don't value what they don't have to work for. He's a hard worker and an ambitious guy, by your description. Quit initiating contact and when he does contact, respond in kind. Give what you get. However, the same goes for future dates: pay for half or suggest something you would pay for entirely (make him dinner, you buy the movie, etc.) The other thing that may be going on here is that he does really like you, but can't AFFORD to like you. Men have a habit of doing this all the time. When they first like someone, they go all out creating this ideal, "knock her socks off" date. In the end, they can't afford it long term. Rather than face the embarassment, they just withdraw. If you do both of these things, you will gradually move to some parity in this budding relationship. And to all the posters about gamesmanship: dating initially is all about games people play. Until you know someone, everyone is vulnerable and protecting themselves. Real relationships happen when you get past the games and are comfortable enough to let your guard down. Neither of you are there right now and that's okay. As long as you someday get there. Good luck! And enjoy the ride!!!
C-i-C-u Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 The guy is a player. DON'T have sex with him, which seems what you are boarding on. DON'T DO IT. But if you do well all well I warned you. That saying about a man loving a women more with seeing her less is not true. Whoever told you that is an idiot.
trueluV Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I had a simliar situation with you, not long ago and started a thread that time. so, how is it going with him? if you want to know what happened to me and the background: the guy is 27 (i'm slightly older than him), he works 90 hours a week, he travels more than half of the time. we went on more than 5 dates, he always pays, and the bills are huge-this is NY and he takes me to fancy places, he doesn't initiate the contact like your situation, but when i do he suggests getting together and we do. after the date he's too busy we don't see each other for about 3 weeks. so i was wondering what this guy is thinking or if he's interested in me. he even asked me to come over to his place and we've made dinner, but he doesn't do anything physical. so i started to wonder if he's gay. but he's still contacting me-emailing, once a while till this day. and we first met last summer. I still have no clue what's going on in this guys head, but i concluded he's really busy and we don't have a strong chemistry but yet we find each other a good "person". hahah, but we're not really like friends either. it's so similar to your situation, and yet i don't have a clue about this boy, so i'm leaving him to the side and meeting other people. let me know how it goes...
Author marsle85 Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Hey guys... sorry! I didn't know this thread had been posted to in a while... Well, as of today he goes away on vacation for another week. Obviously I'm not texting at all this week- not to mention, he probably doesn't get signal. As for the update. Pretty trivial. I think the last thing I told you was that he shot me a text saying "Really sorry yadayada, won't be able to see you until I get back from vacation...hope you'll still want to get together." I give a nonchalant, polite "whatev-" kind of response. He texted two days later, we chitchatted- kind of interesting... -him: So you're still going to see me when I get back, right?" -I teased back, "Possibly... a post-card might help your chances though..." -him: are you going to pick up this post card when I make you dinner? -me: Well, you could mail it. Post-cards like post-offices, babe. -him: "I'll probably get back before it gets here. And hey, what's this 'babe' stuff? -me: I really don't know, haha. -him: Well it's cute. I'll forgive you...this time. -me: haha, wow. I hereby revoke the babery...lol -him: I was just kidding!!! You're awfully cute. I don't want to discourage you. -me: Too late! (kidding) -him: Sorry babe -me: Ha, nice try. Is butthead better? -him: It has a certain...ring to it...lol -me: haha, noted -him: I was thinking along the lines of pumpkin, shnookums...or the like..haha -me: Mmm...all nice, but none have the appeal of butthead. -him: Well, if you say so. And what should your equally entertaining pet name be? -me: No idea. I supposed i'd have to earn it. Genius names like yours aren't generated easily. -him: I'll have to think long and hard on this one. -me: Haha, okay... Gotta focus on this exam. Night. A small conversation since then. Nothing substantial. That was Monday night. He goes away today...so... For me, the time of reckoning is when he returns. If I were going on vacation, I would not be truly focusing on everyone/thing here... I'd be excited to get out of here and play a little bit. So, in my opinion. Things better pick up the pace (Hanging out more than once every 2 weeks, more consistent texts, etc). What do you guys think? Georgia girl, I think you brought up some valid points. You're right. He is a hard worker/overachiever. He wants a challenge. Plus, over the weekend i've been taken out by this guy... great on paper: Attractive, intelligent, nice job, very genuine. But almost too into me. Too easy. And while I know i'm not operating the same as this guy- you can feel it when you think you have someone in your pocket. But...after 3 dates- aren't I allowed to atleast look in his pocket?
soulm8 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 You're doin fine! Keep that breeziness alive and keep him on his toes! Don't get impatient... keep busy and fun, and he won't be able to get you off his mind!
Author marsle85 Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 You're doin fine! Keep that breeziness alive and keep him on his toes! Don't get impatient... keep busy and fun, and he won't be able to get you off his mind! Am I BEING breezy? I don't feel breezy. Only one way to change!
soulm8 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Sounded pretty breezy and playful to me! It better be... or you'll scare him away. Value yourself... you're hot stuff and anyone would be lucky to call you his girlfriend... ACT LIKE IT!
ADF Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 As some of the others on here have pointed out, this guy's behavior is likely part of a conscious, calculated strategy. And it's working. The thing to worry about is that guys who are this good at deploying strategies are usually players. In other words, he may be spending a good part of the time he's not with you pulling the same routine on a number of other women. I don't know the guy in question, so maybe I'm wrong. But it is something to think about.
5105571 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I can't speak for him, but you're missing a few good points here: 1. He's spent some money on you, and you're not even his girlfriend, and haven't even had sex (I'm assuming). This says to me that he is interested. 2. He works on average 12 hours a day, seven days a week, and he's setting time aside for you still. It may seem like he's not that interested, but put it into perspective. Men are simple creatures, we usually don't waste time and money on someone we aren't banging or truly interested in. That doesn't mean he isn't playing games, but that's a necessity. If he weren't, you'd have rejected him a while ago.
soulm8 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 As some of the others on here have pointed out, this guy's behavior is likely part of a conscious, calculated strategy. And it's working. The thing to worry about is that guys who are this good at deploying strategies are usually players. In other words, he may be spending a good part of the time he's not with you pulling the same routine on a number of other women. I don't know the guy in question, so maybe I'm wrong. But it is something to think about. If I were a man... I'd be dating as many women as I could trying to find the right one. Yup... it CAN look like he's a player... assume he is! Play along and don't allow your mind to wander down insecurity lane. If he's seeing other women... just think how awesome you'll feel when he chooses you.
Author marsle85 Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 The thing to worry about is that guys who are this good at deploying strategies are usually players. In other words, he may be spending a good part of the time he's not with you pulling the same routine on a number of other women. I don't know the guy in question, so maybe I'm wrong. But it is something to think about. Anyway to tell? If I were a man... I'd be dating as many women as I could trying to find the right one. Yup... it CAN look like he's a player... assume he is! Play along and don't allow your mind to wander down insecurity lane. If he's seeing other women... just think how awesome you'll feel when he chooses you. Man girl, i'm pretty self-confident. I DO think i'm hot, and i've got my life together. But where do you get this self-confidence? It's addictinggg!
soulm8 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Honey... be clear in your mind as to what you want and how you want to be treated. Be yourself... guys are used to girls either being bitches, sluts, drama queens, meek mice, etc. Wow him with how awesome YOU are and you'll stand out.
ADF Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 If I were a man... I'd be dating as many women as I could trying to find the right one. Yup... it CAN look like he's a player... assume he is! Play along and don't allow your mind to wander down insecurity lane. If he's seeing other women... just think how awesome you'll feel when he chooses you. No, sorry. Men who date large numbers of women aren't doing it as part of a search for the "right one." Almost never. They are after quantity, not quality. If you think that one day he is going to pick just one and forget the others, you're seriously mistaken. That almost never happens.
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