Sharla Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It's the truth. Men who are sincere and upfront with women get walked all over. No. Men like YOU, are what makes me want to walk all over. But, I would never date you, so problem solved.
MrNate Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Some of us prefer it when people are straightforward. no doubt. everyone has their preference. quick question though, out of pure curiousity: what does it mean to be straightforward? and how should that process work? what if the guy is not a player? and is not playing games? 84 hrs a week is a lot.
tkgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 no doubt. everyone has their preference. quick question though, out of pure curiousity: what does it mean to be straightforward? and how should that process work? what if the guy is not a player? and is not playing games? 84 hrs a week is a lot. it's called being emotionally mature enough to even be in a relationship... and there is no "how does it work?" it just does!
MrNate Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 it's called being emotionally mature enough to even be in a relationship... and there is no "how does it work?" it just does! I guess that makes sense. so the guy isn't emotionally mature? I'm just trying to find out why people are saying he's playing games. He seems like a busy man.
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 You underestimate me. I love a challenge. Besides, I'm talking to other guys at this time, too. I like him though, he's attractive and intelligent and I enjoy spending time with him. So boys, how can I turn the tables? From the pros themselves... You could torture me for hours and i will never tell Viva la game!
Sharla Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It's called intuition. It's one of the senses, we women naturally seem to have. Life is funny that way.
MrNate Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It's called intuition. It's one of the senses, we women naturally seem to have. Life is funny that way. Maybe. But I will agree with you in the fact that life is indeed funny, because a person's intuition isn't always right, and neither am I.
Sharla Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Maybe. But I will agree with you in the fact that life is indeed funny. Amen my brother.
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I guess that makes sense. so the guy isn't emotionally mature? I'm just trying to find out why people are saying he's playing games. He seems like a busy man. I agree. This situation is being over analyzed. The guy is simply going through the motions of selection. He is 25 and knows what he wants from a woman. He does not want to get out played by a younger girl and is keeping the dates on his terms. I disagree that he is game playing, I think he it just being careful - thats what I am doing when I am spacing things out, so that you don't become vulnerable and you get to see how the other person reacts. In your case pretty cool...
tkgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I guess that makes sense. so the guy isn't emotionally mature? I'm just trying to find out why people are saying he's playing games. He seems like a busy man. I'm not sure if he's playing games or not... but to tell OP that he's going to be busy every day until he leaves to go out of town, but then asks if she'll still want to see him when he gets back... it just doesn't sound like he's really that into it. It seems like he's putting her on the back burner and that wouldn't fly with me.
The Paper Knight Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I live like 30 mins away He's working 84hrs! there are 168 hours in a week we sleep for 56 of them and this guy works for 84 of them this gives him less than 3 hours per day to see you (excluding travel time)
callingyouuu Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I agree. This situation is being over analyzed. The guy is simply going through the motions of selection. He is 25 and knows what he wants from a woman. He does not want to get out played by a younger girl and is keeping the dates on his terms. I disagree that he is game playing, I think he it just being careful - thats what I am doing when I am spacing things out, so that you don't become vulnerable and you get to see how the other person reacts. In your case pretty cool... I agree with this sentiment. Also, I have no idea what on earth he does for work, but a date every few weeks sounds right for having to work more than twice as many hours as the average job. Write him off for not seeing you as often as you'd like, fine, but don't say he's uninterested just because he barely has time to brush his teeth.
D-Lish Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I'm sorry, but I strongly believe that if someone's interested, they will text or call or get in contact That's the truth. No matter how busy someone is, if they like you- they will stay in constant touch. Someone that is head over heels for you will stay in contact with you regardless of whether or not they can physically see you. They'll do this because they won't want to chance you meeting someone else. Don't be the first to text him- ever.
Satisfaction Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 If he likes you, he won't let you work so hard for his attention. He certainly wouldn't be able to go a week without talking to you. What do you want from a relationship? Do you want someone who you can trust and rely on? Or will someone who that you constantly have to convince of your worth? Its been nearly a month now how long is he planning on doing this for? What if you win him, get with him and one day he feels like his ego needs a boost, but you are tired, distracted and stressed from work. What do you think he'll do?
troggleputty Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 This is how the game should be played? Are you people serious? This chode is a loser. He's spending cash on a chick he's barely gotten to second base on. He might be thinking he's the coolest guy in the world now, but in a few months he's gonna look at his bank account and say, "Jeez! Look at how much money I've been spending on a chick who is too broke to buy her own dinner and dessert, and too broke to catch a cab". Even if you've got a disposable income, it's stupid to spend money on some random chick you just met. If he breaks up with her then he's not gonna be able to get a dime of that cash back. Yeah "loser" was my first thought too. (Say what is the actual definition of "chode" anyway?) OP, it sounds like the whole reason you're into dating this guy in the first place is that he keeps buying you nice dinners showing you a night on the town etc. The age differential at that point (five years) is significant. It's possible he's not pushing the physical part faster because you remind him of his little sister. But seriously...maybe he's waiting for you to invite him over for a home-cooked dinner. (Do 20 year old women do that for their men anymore?)
lino Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Hey guys, Firstly, I want to thank everyone who's taking time out of their days to post something helpful. This is the deal: I met X at a bar on New Year's Eve, he asked for my number and called me three days after. Asked if I wanted to do dinner, I agreed. It's important to know that I'm 20, and he's 25. He took me out to a very nice restaurant, and when I was about to leave, he asked if I wanted to get dessert. At that point, I'd already told him "Busy etc." so I declined politely and called it a night. I called after, thanked him for the date. A week goes by, no word from him. I send him a goofy text and immediately he asks me out again. We make plans for a week later, and carry on. Our texting is sparse in between dates. Second date is even better, he takes me to another nice place, and for dessert. Easily spending a lot of money on me (which doesn't greatly matter, but implies his interest). Mid date he grabs me on the street and kisses me. I'm swept off my feet, and I was speechless. We then kiss casually for the remainder of the second date. Drives me home (I live like 30 mins away). After that date, over another week passes without talking to him! I break down and text him again, and slowly we ease into making plans again. No official plans were made but the next day we were texting and I suggested Saturday. He says he has lunch plans already but "You want to see me, so we'll figure something out". What the heck does that mean? I dismissed it and stopped texting him. Two days go by and I get a text asking if I was free Friday. I accept. Friday arrives and we get dinner (another nice place) and go to a movie. The date was REALLY good overall. We made out a little in his car, and again he drives me home. The next day he texts me implying that he wants to see me sometime this week even though his week is swamped (He's working 84hrs!) That was on Saturday. Monday I text him and we joke around about the movie, and how he had promised to cook for me. He confirms that he plans to. It's now the following Saturday and I haven't talked to him since Monday! What concerns me about this situation: -We will go over a week without talking! And when we do, it's because I texted him! He always responds, but why isn't he texting me? I feel crazy because I'm like "wow, I'm starting to like this guy" and I know I'm thinking about him all the time, clearly he's not. -Our dates are great, but is it normal to have such down time between them? 2 weeks in between dates? Really? -Does he not take me seriously because of my age? -Should I bother texting him again...and do I want to get involved in something if he's only half-invested? I'm sorry, but I strongly believe that if someone's interested, they will text or call or get in contact. And I also know that it's not entirely up to him, which is why I have been texting too. But considering the last time we talked, I initiated the conversation, I think it's time to cool it and give him time. Someone once told me that "women fall in love when they see more of a man, men fall in love when they miss a woman". Overall, I think it's better to give it time and not put pressure on. I know I sound crazy, but I do understand that me texting and trying to further our plans isn't the answer. Either he's interested or not, and time will tell. But it doesn't make it easy. I think this clearly shows how things are in the dating world thee days. I reckon it's pretty sad.
BobSacamento Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It's called intuition. It's one of the senses, we women naturally seem to have. Life is funny that way. You must never have watched the Maury Povich show or Teen Mom.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 He's definitely not that into you, and probably wants sex and nothing more... from you and all the other girls on his radar. If I were you, I wouldn't text or call or initiate contact with him anymore. And be cool to his attempts... turn the tables on him and let him feel the "challenge".
tami-chan Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 This dating game really is bothersome....I like it when a man ACTUALLY says "I like you and would like to get to know you more" and follows it up with the appropriately actions. I wouldn't have a problem telling the guy the same thing-if I,too, am interested. Otherwise, if I am uninterested, I would just say "thank you, that is so sweet and kind (or whatever else adjective there is) ." Which, to me , truly it is! But when a guy starts to vacillate and starts canceling out dates or what not....then, I start to withdraw. I am in my 30s, and frankly, feel too old for little games like this, besides, there are way too many men out there I can or should be focusing on. I would not, however, take it personally and hate the guy or think he is a douche. If he lost interest, then that's it , he lost interest-nothing more, nothing less and that is ok. For OP, if he contacts you again and wants to see you again-take him up on it and this time, dinner should be on you. However, I won't make the first move, simply because he is the one "leaving"...how are you supposed to know that he is already back in town and/or has time for you? or even still interested?
Author marsle85 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Don't get me wrong, he has never bailed on me, not returned a call/text or been impolite in any way. Our dates have been really good, he shows his interest and is attentive. My main problem is the great distance that goes between dates and the lack of communication in this span of time. And as for the comments concerning my reasoning for going out with him- has absolutely nothing to do with the "free dinners" and "nights on the town" i'm getting from him. That's ridiculous, I think anyone can support me- no free dinner is worth an awkward date with no chemistry. I'm seeing him because I consider him a legitimate, compatiable source. I am glad to say I haven't paid for a thing-- only because then what situation would I be in? If i'm confused now with his interest, throw in that we went dutch and I would be lost! With increased trust, I have no problem cooking him dinner or buying little things for him. But that comes with time. As for our physical relationship- I believe it's advanced in time as our emotional connection. I don't have a problem with it, nor do I think there is a problem with his attraction to me. He does not kiss me like his little sister. My gut is telling me to chill, and wait it out. I definitely am not initiating any texts. I'm not going to write him off just yet, but will see how things go when he returns. In the meantime, he's not the only guy on my radar either. I have to take a little fault in this whole matter. Our initial meeting was based on tit-for-tat banter and has advanced into a witty, playful relationship. I like it, it's fun and it's not easy. What some of the guys are saying about "keeping her interested" has some basis to it - I can definitely say i've been turned off by eagerness. But at this point, after three dates-- it's getting a little old. There is no need to make things to easy for the other person-- (I know i'm not) but I think for the security of the relationship long run, there should be a basis of trust/tenderness.
tkgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Don't get me wrong, he has never bailed on me, not returned a call/text or been impolite in any way. Our dates have been really good, he shows his interest and is attentive. My main problem is the great distance that goes between dates and the lack of communication in this span of time. And as for the comments concerning my reasoning for going out with him- has absolutely nothing to do with the "free dinners" and "nights on the town" i'm getting from him. That's ridiculous, I think anyone can support me- no free dinner is worth an awkward date with no chemistry. I'm seeing him because I consider him a legitimate, compatiable source. I am glad to say I haven't paid for a thing-- only because then what situation would I be in? If i'm confused now with his interest, throw in that we went dutch and I would be lost! With increased trust, I have no problem cooking him dinner or buying little things for him. But that comes with time. As for our physical relationship- I believe it's advanced in time as our emotional connection. I don't have a problem with it, nor do I think there is a problem with his attraction to me. He does not kiss me like his little sister. My gut is telling me to chill, and wait it out. I definitely am not initiating any texts. I'm not going to write him off just yet, but will see how things go when he returns. In the meantime, he's not the only guy on my radar either. I have to take a little fault in this whole matter. Our initial meeting was based on tit-for-tat banter and has advanced into a witty, playful relationship. I like it, it's fun and it's not easy. What some of the guys are saying about "keeping her interested" has some basis to it - I can definitely say i've been turned off by eagerness. But at this point, after three dates-- it's getting a little old. There is no need to make things to easy for the other person-- (I know i'm not) but I think for the security of the relationship long run, there should be a basis of trust/tenderness. It sounds like your head is definitely in the right place. I'm big on if things are meant to be then they will... and while there is a little bit of strategy involved, when it stops being fun that's when it's time to walk. Just keep going with your gut and you'll be fine!
harmfulsweetz Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 If a guy likes you, he will text you/call you etc consistently, not constantly, but enough for you to be sure of his interest. I think. A guy that leaves you wondering wtf? is he or isn't he? Is either really into playing games, or simply, not interested. I wouldn't initiate no more texts if I were you (although, when you like someone, it's hard not to!) and let him do the chasing. Maybe the problem is that you've done too much of the chasing and he now expects that of you? It's become the dynamic? Or maybe he just loves that little game he has going, and would like to continue it. But I agree with the poster who said that it seems like he's not particularly interested because he gave you an opt out with the 'if you still wanna see me when I get back.' If that were a guy who was into you, it would be 'when I get back, we'll meet up on and we'll go x(insert place name)'. What happened to straightforwardness? 'I like you, let's meet up etc etc' texts consistently, phones consistently, meets up regularly, why do people have to leave each other wondering where the heck they stand?
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Had to chime in: First, it's neither gender's "job" to play hard to get. Second, this guy's only "game" is that he spends a lot of money on chicks and works like a horse. Third, the OP sounds like a prima donna. She described the dinners with more enthusiasm than the man. Fourth, no man should be wining and dining a 20 year old. They are far too capricious. I'm going to take a wild stab at the situation: the guy is young and is probably just beginning to dabble in adulthood. He's starting to come into some money, working as hard as he does, and so he's enjoying taking this girl, or several girls, out to dinner every once in awhile. He doesn't take her (or any of them, if he's dating >1) too seriously and it doesn't sound like he wants a relationship. Or even sex. He just wants to spend a little money on fancy stuff like he's always envisioned adult men doing and the OP is someone he can do that with. For her it's all about the money, and for him it's all about the money. I think every 20-something guy goes through that phase at some point.
Barky Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 And to the men here: as far as the comments by the women go, don't believe a word they say when they say they want "predictability." Well, to be more accurate, they might "want" it but it's not likely to get them to spread their legs, which is what YOU want. Men should never care about what women "want" but what will get them to do what the man wants them to do. And keeping them guessing is the best way to get them to do what you want them to do.
Author marsle85 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Because naturally I'd pursue an online interpersonal dating community to explain to people "Why does he spend money on me?" Not likely. I value your opinion Barky, but step off your high horse and consider that I -wish- I were seeing him in less money-oriented scenarios. I feel the exact opposite of what you described, I like him- but i'm worried that i'm being used since I gather little communication from him outside these dates. And like I've said previously-- no "free" dinner is worth an awkward date with no chemistry. If anything i'm picky and decline free dates because lack of interest.
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