furbaby Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) my ex and i have been in constant contact since we broke up almost 6 months ago. we do everything together, we talk twice a day, we are so emotionally attached. i don't think a day has gone by where he hasn't called me at least once. i've never been like this with anyone, and neither has he, and it's just a weird situation. i love him, and we have so much fun together. but he doesn't want to be with me, so this needs to change. a few weeks ago we had a big talk and it seemed like things would start to change. things can't keep going this way forever. we decided not to talk everyday, but it took all of 2 days for him to start calling me again. it's so hard to let go of him because he is so caring and sweet and supportive. he always wants to know about my day, he listens to dumb rants, he makes me laugh, he challenges me. we inspire each other and have fun together and take care of each other. he continually goes out of his way to do nice things for me. i think it's because he likes to, and he cares about me, and he wants me to be in his life, and he feels bad for hurting me and he wants to protect me. but despite all of that, i love him and he doesn't love me, and that's not a real friendship. yesterday i got angry at him. i've only gotten angry at him once before. it wasn't a big thing, but i guess tension has been building for me, and i just snapped. he had kind of thoughtlessly canceled plans (he is usually very conscientious). i told him it was rude and we got off the phone. he emailed me an apology, then called twice, then sent another email, then called again. he left a message saying he understood if i didn't feel like talking, but then called me again an hour later. then texted me, then emailed me. i'm not trying to be a jerk, i just want some space. i emailed him and said, "i appreciated your messages. i need some time to cool down right now, but i will talk to you soon." i don't know what to do now. i know he is really upset and worried, and i feel bad. he was rude, but i think part of this is that i want to try to have some space. i know if i tell him that now, he will freak out and be really hard on himself and think that i want the space because of what happened yesterday. i know some people will be like, "screw him, he doesn't want to be with you." but even though he doesn't want to be my boyfriend, he has been an extremely loyal friend to me for the past 6 months. i don't want to play games, and i don't want to avoid him (i think that's just mean). but i also don't really feel like talking to him right now. whenever we talk about anything serious or emotional, it just turns into this big long thing (we're both very neurotic and we have to talk everything to death). i want him to know that i have cooled down about yesterday, but i want a little space. how can i have some space without making a big deal about it? is there a way to get space from someone without explicitly asking them for it? i just don't want to hurt his feelings. i know everyone says "no contact" and i've done that with other guys in the past, but i'm not quite ready for that here. what should i do? Edited February 27, 2010 by furbaby
GrayClouds Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) For your sake and his go NC. You are trying to pull the band aid way to slow and feeling every pulled hair in the process. His feeling is going to be hurt, your efforts of trying to be nice is not reducing that hurt, is just extending the pain for everyone. Tell him that you need space to heal, which means you are going to go NC and you expect him to repact that decision. No games, stick to NC and take care of yourself. Edited February 27, 2010 by GrayClouds
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