A.Rock Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 After much experience I now believe men and women are both equally visually stimulated as opposed to the myth that women don't care about looks. Now before I catch heat from the "personality is most important" people I don't mean that a person has to be Brad or Angelina to garner attention from the opposite sex, only that whoever they're interested in has to find them attractive and that this happens way before personality or anything else comes into play. We do it all the time, one quick glance and we read volumes about a person, at least in our own minds. Personality is often colored by looks and what those looks mean to us. I think 90% percent of guys problems with women in the early stages (why does she flake, mixed signals etc.) is due to them dealing with a girl who's just not very attracted to them. This doesn't mean said guy is unattractive but he doesn't fit whats in her imagination (we all have our types). Same applies to women chasing "unavailable" guys, he's unavailable because he doesn't really want it. Anyways chime in, ladies especially. I think if people could just read another persons interest more accurately they would save themselves a lot of heartache and no "he/she turns me down for dates, disrespects me, ignores me, doesn't know I'm alive" doesn't count as signs of interest but you'd never know reading dating forums:D.
threebyfate Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Unless you believe that women are telepathic, on first meet and greet, what else do they have to judge on, besides looks? First glance, yes, he's attractive. Go to next step. First glance, I don't find him attractive. End.
SarahRose Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Of course it is looks first. What else do you have to go on when you haven't even talked to a person yet? All the personality in the world won't make up for someone I'm not physically attracted to.
Zeegagge Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 It's pretty quick but there are cases where it can be changed. Example, not too long ago I was introduced to a very beautiful young lady. I'm good at reading signals and the signal I got from her was nothing. Can't win 'em all so no big deal. A few weeks later I decided to do something crazy with my hair and shaved myself a mohawk. Looked good! See the girl again and she was all over me! More to come, but I'm headed to the beach...
Author A.Rock Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 Well it's obvious to you ladies, but you don't know how many guys out there believe if they just say the right thing or act in this way or that way that they'll win the girl over when it was already decided within 10 seconds. That's why I made the thread.
SarahRose Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Well it's obvious to you ladies, but you don't know how many guys out there believe if they just say the right thing or act in this way or that way that they'll win the girl over when it was already decided within 10 seconds. That's why I made the thread. Yeah that is wishful thinking, ego, or delusions. I read all the time about some unattractive male who thinks he can get a supermodel if he is really extra nice to her or tries one of the how to get a girl with manipulation programs Of course he doesn't want to date someone on the same level of attractiveness or less than himself so why on earth would a super hot girl who can pick anyone she wants pick someone who isn't attractive to her? They don't.
LondonS Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 That is not very true... many a times some people just grew on me the ones I didnt even take notice of in my first glance..
Sharla Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I never know within an instant. I contemplate it in my head, ok I find him attractive, what else is there about him...Does he seem like a good guy, does he seem like he'd make a good boyfriend. A run it through my head for a bit. I've never looked at someone and say to myself, oh he's hot I have to go out with him! Except for a few celebrities, which won't actually happen, so it's okay to be like, yum yum.
spookie Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I wasn't attracted to my SO until I got to know him.... It took more than a year of casual encounters, followed by a couple of casual hookups, for it to click with us.
threebyfate Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Well it's obvious to you ladies, but you don't know how many guys out there believe if they just say the right thing or act in this way or that way that they'll win the girl over when it was already decided within 10 seconds. That's why I made the thread.Keep in mind that the word attractive, is highly subjective. A great smile can get you one step further. But yes, those PUA sites claim a lot of things but if a woman`s first reaction is that you`re fugly, rather than average attractive or greater, it`s far less likely, she`s going to move forward beyond that. A man can be drop-dead gorgeous but if he`s too familiar on first meet and greet, he can come across as creepy. Relaxed, confident and a friendly, open smile, are HUGE, towards attraction.
EnglishMuffin Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Given that I generally accept dates from average looking men as long as he proves himself intelligent, kind, and modest, I usually know after a first date whether there is a physical attraction or not. It's not just an overall appearance but also little habits and how one carries himself/herself. If something inside bothers me, or I am just not feeling it, I just tell him upfront within 48 hours after the first date. If it is a matter of accepting a date from someone I know for a while, well, it'll be whether there is a mutual attraction from the beginning or not. I would have asked him out already if I found him attractive after a period of observing him. I am not really a "friend first and see how it goes" type of girl. My friends deserve my unchanging loyalty.
Author A.Rock Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 I never know within an instant. I contemplate it in my head, ok I find him attractive, what else is there about him...Does he seem like a good guy, does he seem like he'd make a good boyfriend. A run it through my head for a bit. I've never looked at someone and say to myself, oh he's hot I have to go out with him! Except for a few celebrities, which won't actually happen, so it's okay to be like, yum yum. Fair enough but if you didn't find him attractive you wouldn't wonder about the rest. We don't think about people romantically unless we're attracted to in some way. There has to be a curiosity at least. People can definitely grow on each other but usually we're never completely cold to that person in the first place.
SarahRose Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Fair enough but if you didn't find him attractive you wouldn't wonder about the rest. We don't think about people romantically unless we're attracted to in some way. There has to be a curiosity at least. People can definitely grow on each other but usually we're never completely cold to that person in the first place. Yep there has to be a little attraction there. I can't imagine any of these young girls dating that poor tree stump fellow no matter how smart and nice he was.
Sharla Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) Fair enough but if you didn't find him attractive you wouldn't wonder about the rest. We don't think about people romantically unless we're attracted to in some way. There has to be a curiosity at least. People can definitely grow on each other but usually we're never completely cold to that person in the first place. Yes, but there has to be physical attraction there on some level. I can look at someone and say "oh he's good looking", but that doesn't mean I am attracted to him or attracted to him enough to date him. There's this guy I used to work with a few years ago, at first glance, I was not physically attracted to him. And he is by most standards, an attractive male. Over time, I found myself physically attracted to him because I started to feel a little chemistry between us when we interacted. However, I later learned he had a girlfriend, and my attraction towards him eventually plateaued and began to decrease over time. I viewed him as someone who is physically attractive, but I no longer harbored any romantic feelings towards him. Edited February 27, 2010 by Sharla
spiderowl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 It's a bit difficult to give a clear answer on this one. If I'm physically attracted to someone, I'd say instantly, but once I talk to him (or hear him talking) I may be put off. When I get to know him a bit, just by chatting, I can be really put off by his personality if I find he likes things I don't and is callous towards things that matter to me. The initial looks attraction then dies dramatically. If I like the way he looks, i.e. he's not unattractive to me, and he has an interesting personality and is intelligent and with similar values to me, then yes, I can say I would date him if he asked. This could be from the first meeting. On a few occasions, the looks thing hasn't been there at all initially, but as I've got to know what a sweet man he is - probably over a period of weeks - I've forgotten that and all of a sudden his blue eyes seem the most attractive in the world. Attraction's a funny thing!
hats Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Fair enough but if you didn't find him attractive you wouldn't wonder about the rest. We don't think about people romantically unless we're attracted to in some way. There has to be a curiosity at least. People can definitely grow on each other but usually we're never completely cold to that person in the first place. Yeah, but you're saying that 90% of a guys problems are that the girl was just not attracted to them from the moment they saw them. These girls are saying that's not the case, and IMO the opposite is true - Most guys problem is that they worry too much whether the girl likes him as much as he likes her.
Kamille Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I was instantly attracted to 3 out of 4 of my LTRs. The one where I wasn't, however, has a particular story. I was on my way to a friend's house in 2002 and noticed this guy was following me. I almost screamed when he entered my friends building right behind me. I was sure I was being stalked. Turns out he was a friend of my friend, also going to visit my her. But I was so scared of him that at first I didn't think he was good looking at all (I have since revised my position ). We all went to dinner together and he grew on me as the night wore on. Funny story: he did this by putting the charm on at full speed. He opened doors for me, pulled out my chair for me, gave me some of his food, told me I had a great smile. So whoever says women walk all over nice guys were, in this case, gravely mistaken. It actually worked. He charmed me into dating him.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I know immediately. Well, maybe not immediately but definitely with the first conversation. The guy can look amazing, but if we don't have much in common I won't bother. I am more attracted to a man's mind than his body anyway. An example: two of my biggest fantasy guys are Alton Brown and John Hodgman. It isn't always looks, guys - you have to be able to hold up your end of the conversation.
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