DudeMan27 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Well after posting on here and feeling miserable about myself for nearly a year now, I finally decided to go NC. My ex and I remained on good terms, mainly because we never fought and there was no ill will for the breakup. I had put certain things above her, and when she would try to communicate and save the relationship, it went in my ear and out the other. I've stewed over my mistakes for a year, and how much I used to hurt her. We didn't speak over christmas. I texted her (stupidly) on new years eve saying I hope her and her family had a great christmas and to tell her happy new year. ( i think i needed to do that because all I thought abuot all night was me starting a fight last New years, and ruining our trip) She was at an airport waiting to go to Mexico to meet a friend. Of course all i thought abuot was she was with some guy. A month later I was in her town at a sporting event. I saw some mutual friends and wanted to go say hi. I texted her pretending like I wasnt sure if it was them, because I wanted to be sure she wasnt there before I went to say hi. We texted a bit back and forth that night later. But again, when I woke up in the am, I felt horrible. Going back and forth on should I have said this, should I have ignored that...when it was all just innocent chat. I decided then that I need to do what everyone has always been telling me, just cut ties. Before I just couldn't do it. I caused the breakup and she is such a sweet person I couldn't deal with thinking we'd never speak again. I finally looked back and realized that the only time we've spoke since September, was when I contacted her first. I was wallowing in sadness and realized she did not care to hear from me. I took it upon myself to say thats it. I cant do this anymore. Well that lasted about a week. I get an email from her. My computer has a virus and sent out spam to her and about 10 other people in my address book. She emailed asking if it was legit or something dirty. We joked back and forth and I did not respond to her last email. Monday was her birthday. As horrible as I felt I completely ignored it other than posting about it on here. I decided I'd just be one of a thousand to text that day and it wouldn't matter. I was starting again with NC. Here we are 5 days later. Im meeting friends for dinner and out of the blue I get a text "Hey whats up, just checking in to see how life is" That was the first time she's initiated contact in almost 6 months. Of course I was happy, but waited awhile to respond. I also found it funny since we kind of caught up on new years eve and last month when I was at that game. We texted about her friends wedding and stuff. Well as I said, there is no ill will so I had to respond. Just casual and asked her how she was. She said she just got back from that friends wedding and ANOTHER Europe trip. BAM, I feel like crap all over again and thought fill my head of her being with some other guy going on all these trips and loving life. Figures, for the first time in a year I decide on no contact and it gets broken up both times within a week. I'm reading nothing into it but Her text was so random. You don't initiate contact in 5 months, we have caught up thru text a couple times in the past 6 weeks, and you want to check in to see how life is?? I'm unemployed, have no money, and think about her and what I lost day in and day out. She's been around the world twice since we broke up. how do you think life is?? I thought I'd made a breakthru by refusing to text her on her birthday, but its all for not with that text. I can't be mean to her. I hurt her so much in the relationship, i can't be that person. But I need to walk away. I can't live like this anymore. I had a breakdown a few months ago and told her how regrettable the things that happend to lead to our breakup were, and how I wished we talked more. She responded saying "she would be happy to talk more, but only if I was okay with it. And if i needed more time she understood" So she knows how I feel. Its just so frustrating I just needed to vent. Thanks everyone.
jlr Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 You sound like me, and others on this board, at some point or another in our journey. You obviously can't be friends man. It's too hard. There's pain there. You aren't over her at all. I was the same way. You can fool yourself into thinking you can just chit chat and it won't hurt, but you know it's not true. When you cared for someone alot, and it's over, it's hard to just be civil. No matter how it really ended. I mean, feelings are a big deal, and if you had and still have them, just making small talk is a difficult task. You need to go no contact, and stick to it. Don't respond to her. If you want to be nice about it, say "this is too hard for me. please don't contact me." But do it. You need to. Trust me.
selena_cat Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 hello Hard thing with not keeping NC is you know whats going on in her life,it seems you are having a hard time both mentally and financially,who needs to know what a great time she is having going to Europe and all. Also can you say that those back and forth text has gotten you closer to eachother and back together? i guess not. You know the answer,me i wasted and dragged not remaing on Nc with a guy who plain didnt give a rats... and how did it end up,he poofed! do you want for weeks to go by and not hear anything from her why b/c she 's met someone else,then you'll feel worse by not ending the communication when you had the chance. Just speaking from my two cents of experience
Rearden Metal Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 DudeMan, I think there's a silver lining, and a lesson in your story here. Silver lining- She's now contacted you. This could be for several reasons, but think of it this way: If she's travelling the world with some guy, why is she choosing to contact you? What is he not giving her that she's looking for someone else to get? It's likely that she's thinking positively on the time you've spent, and moreover on the fact that you've shown some self respect in NC'ing her. So she's putting the feeler out to see what's up. Now, here's the lesson. You are unemployed and broke. I'm not condemning you (I've squandered a large amount of money and currently live with my folks trying to rebuild my life, so I'm in no position to do so), I'm pointing out the facts. You are not in the place you needed to be when she or any other woman comes calling. It's time to re-dedicate yourself to ... YOURSELF. Get a job, even if it's a ****ty one. Pack the money away. Get a cheap hobby. Work out. Read books. Get yourself in a spot where if a woman showed interest, at least you have things going for yourself. That's what they (and any person) wants to see from the other sex! Good luck man, hang in there!
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