infjgrl Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Long story short, my boyfriend and i have been together for years. before we were together, i knew him, his brother and his brother's wife (sister-in-law) very well. About 9 years ago, my bf's sister-in-law was caught cheating on his brother. it wasn't a one time thing. she was with this guy (his close friend) for a year or so. once she was called out on it, she broke it off with this guy (i'm going to call him Bob) and her and her husband worked things out. Bob moved out of town, about an hour away. WELL - i work and live in the same town as Bob and out of nowhere this week i was approached by a friend of Bob's saying that the sister-in-law was seeing him again and wanting to leave her husband for him. This friend of Bob's has no reason to lie to me or make this up. She told me that she saw the messages back and forth while Bob read them to her. She also said that Bob told the sister-in-law that he couldn't go back to that relationship b/c she now had kids and he realized it would be too hard on him. (Nevermind her husband!) BUT I also found out that Bob and her were still going back and forth on the subject.... Bob said the sister-in-law had a big effect on him and he still loves her very much. So when i was presented with this information, of course, I told my boyfriend. It's off my plate now, but I still can't help but wonder if my boyfriend should tell his brother. Is this enough to warrant concern? There are so many other things that have been going on that are fishy, but we've been trying to ignore them b/c we've always loved the sister-in-law. For example, she never hangs out with her husband anymore. She has created a totally separate life from him. She is hanging out with Bob's family and friends. She constantly writes poems and makes comments about "the past" and "heartache" and **** like that. She's also been caught once before talking with a guy online but she played it off as a friendship... so I'm afraid she's just going to keep screwing over her husband. I'm a firm believer that the other party should know and handle it however they want. I would be pissed if a close friend or family member... hell, even a stranger knew I was being made a fool of and didn't give me a heads up.
Spark1111 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 As a fBS, I wish I had been told, period. My WS was confiding in his sister, (my SIL) his confusion for four months! And while I was happy he had someone he loved and trusted to talk to...I wish she would have told me or counseled him to tell me! She just told him to make lists, make a choice, and get to counseling. Someone should have told me! Nothing could be more devastating than stumbling upon it on my own....and then realizing many people knew of it. I think it forever alters your perception and appreciation of those people you once held near and dear to your heart. That being said, do not hold any attachment to the outcome if you BF's brother is told: he may choose to ignore the information, confront and attempt to reconcile, and may not divorce. You may never know WHAT he does with the information.
Gabriele Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 "ditto". also a BS here. I think you should look at it in terms of YOUR relationship with your 'brother-in-law", you have information about him and his life (true or not), by not telling him, YOU are lying to him and YOU are betraying his trust in you, the trust we put with people who love us......to look out for us and make sure no one hurts us. It is up to him what he does with the info.......but he deserve the right to look into it more. Gabriele
SleepingDog Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I broke up my friendship with the people who knew, but didn't tell me. Does that answer your question?
Recommended Posts