EricaH329 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 So the crazy rollercoaster of a relationship that everyone here has experienced with me has finally come to an end. What do I feel?? Nothing. Maybe the reality of it all hasn't quite hit me yet. I believe that I was expecting it from the beginning. To be honest, I never really felt like him and I were really together. Of course I love him with all of my heart, but it just never felt like the type of relationship that I honestly wanted. At this very moment, I feel blessed in a way. I know that i'm capable of loving to the fullest, and I know that i'm capable of receiving that love in return. I guess we will see how I feel days from now. I'm sure I will be singing a different tune. But for now, I am content. Like 'they' say, 'It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.'
skydiveaddict Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) So the crazy rollercoaster of a relationship that everyone here has experienced with me has finally come to an end. What do I feel?? Nothing. Maybe the reality of it all hasn't quite hit me yet. I believe that I was expecting it from the beginning. To be honest, I never really felt like him and I were really together. Of course I love him with all of my heart, but it just never felt like the type of relationship that I honestly wanted. At this very moment, I feel blessed in a way. I know that i'm capable of loving to the fullest, and I know that i'm capable of receiving that love in return. I guess we will see how I feel days from now. I'm sure I will be singing a different tune. But for now, I am content. Like 'they' say, 'It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.' I wish I was as tough as you are really I mean it. It's been 4 months and I am still crushed Edited February 27, 2010 by skydiveaddict
hero112 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 So the crazy rollercoaster of a relationship that everyone here has experienced with me has finally come to an end. What do I feel?? Nothing. Maybe the reality of it all hasn't quite hit me yet. I believe that I was expecting it from the beginning. To be honest, I never really felt like him and I were really together. Of course I love him with all of my heart, but it just never felt like the type of relationship that I honestly wanted. At this very moment, I feel blessed in a way. I know that i'm capable of loving to the fullest, and I know that i'm capable of receiving that love in return. I guess we will see how I feel days from now. I'm sure I will be singing a different tune. But for now, I am content. Like 'they' say, 'It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.' Hey! You are going to feel absolutely fine tommorow and the next day and so on. Some things are not meant to be but at least you know you tried and your completely right that it is better that you did love rather than live life with regret. Here's a quote I really like "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."* Who knows who's coming around the corner in your life! Ps I'm a hiocrit lol I wish I could take my own advice!
bananaboat11 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Erica... I'm sorry sweetheart In all truth and honesty, you have eased a burden from atop my shoulders and brightened those long, dark halls in which I had wandered from day to day. I tread no longer within the confines of my own reflection, but can look to the outside world... thanks to you (and Kelvin). G-d knows... if there's anything I can do to help you... to raise you beyond to the greatness you deserve.. I cannot promise anything, but I can sure as hell give everything I have to do such. Sometimes it's better to let these things unwind themselves for now... leave them in good tidings and see where they turn up down the way... you've tread a long, rocky path.. and I can never know how uneasy you've been... but I do know how beautiful you are (and to me, not many women are beautiful. Yes, there are pretty... sexy... cute... attractive... fun... hot (I don't like hot girls.. they're yucky)... and so on) but to me... Beautiful is... Today... we smile upon you and the world sees you for all your beauty. I see you. I know people speak words to comfort.. things we believe you want to hear. I speak words knowing full well they lie in my heart knowing they're true... as I believe them to be. The man is a foolhardy, feeble minded soul to see you before him and not give more... and he will forever in his heart... in his mind... and in his soul... be tormented by his decisions. I don't question this.. I don't suspect... I know it. You're beautiful, Erica... from the outside in.
GrayClouds Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 erica you know the dril, i wish you luck. The problem with long time coming break-ups it is easy to get addicted to the drama. No more time for those distractions it is all about the self focus.
GrayClouds Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 The problem with long time coming break-ups it is easy to get addicted to the drama. No more time for those distractions it is all about the self focus. erica, girl you know the dril, i wish you luck.
Author EricaH329 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 I truly appreciate everyones advice! Really, it means a great deal to me!! I stayed off of LS for a day to digest things, and now i'm ready to explain what happened. This is the basic story. I disagreed with something he posted on FB. He took offense to it (as usual) and decided to point out all of my flaws and turn the whole thing back around on me. What surprised me the most was that he told me that our relationship wasn't what he considered 'good'. That alone broke my heart, because i've texted him at least once a day telling him that I love him and miss him. When he calls I tell him what a great job he is doing at working on our relationship. I made a video for him which was very sentimental for the both of us. I have been actively interested in his personal life (with his friends, etc.). I have done everything I possibly could to make him feel loved during this LDR. This is the killer: He and I have planned on me coming to visit him (he is in another country because he is in the military). We have been planning this for 2 months now. It's supposed to be my birthday present. We have gone over basically every detail of what's going to happen. Almost every day we talk about it. He is going away for 2 months on deployment in May, and he was telling me how he really hopes he can get me out there before then. He has had some financial issues (and so have I) so it has been post-poned. Which is completely understandable. Come to find out, he has had the money for the past 2 weeks now, and has lied to me about it. He told me that he lied to me because he felt as though we wouldn't work out. I really have nothing left to say about that. I feel so hurt and disappointed. Him and I are going to talk to tonight about it for the final time. I just can't deal with that. I have been pouring my heart out to him, and for what?
TaraMaiden Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Could I ask, Erica dearest - what's the point? is it a post-mortem? Is it necessary? You know what you can no longer accept. You know the way he's treating you, crosses the line. to lie to you about something like that, just shows to what degree he holds this as 'important'. Not very. So, really, what would tonight achieve? Save to put the tip of the crowbar in that crack, in your heart, and widen the gap? Shoot, leave it be. Deny him the satisfaction of being able to nail you to the wood, any more than he has done. He's a liar, he's disrespectful and he's just - not nice at all. I'd forget tonight. Heave it. Let him stew in his own juice, from now on. You know what Caliguy would say, huh?
USMCHokie Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I'm too wasted to provide a coherent response...so it will have to wait until tomorrow...I should probably go to sleep now... Heart you Erica...nighty night...
hero112 Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 (edited) Hey Erica- First off ive read some other posts of yours and your a very sweet sincere lady! You gave this relationship your all, you were fully emotionally available to him and it seemed he did not appreciate anything. I would recommend to go NC completely with him and find a man that respects and loves you the same way as you do for them. Im pining about my ex in another thread and I wish she was 10% the gf that you were, you were so thoughtful and it seemed that you did all the little things to show him that you loved him but he's just an ******* that deserves someone to treat him like crap. Sorry to be so direct but its the honest truth! Wish you all the best. The next few days are going to be very tough but this site is great to vent.. So if you need anyone to talk to we'll b here Edited February 28, 2010 by hero112
thepulse27 Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I'd just like to second hero112's comments: all usual LS unconditional confirmation aside, you seem like a truly incredible person. You know you made the right decision, and I have no idea how you're going to feel about it tomorrow either, but please let us know how it all goes.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Erica - I just wanted to offer you hugs. I've been reading your posts and hoping that you would be the exception to the rule, and things would work out. I'm sorry this didn't happen - but am glad that you are strong and know what you must do now. It's all about YOU now. Be good to yourself and let yourself heal. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Leia Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Hey Erica, I'm sorry to hear about your break up. You're a sweetheart and to be honest with you, I'd forget about tonight. It's not worth it anymore. Why did he lie to you about the money? Cos he thought you guys wouldn't work out? Is he f***ing serious? Douchebag.
Author EricaH329 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Thank you guys for all of your kind words and support! It really does help, more than you could imagine. You are all wonderful people, and I sincerely appreciate all of you. I did get the chance to talk to him last night. We talked about what had happened the night before, and what's going to happen now. He wants to be with me. I told him that I wasn't sure if I could deal with being with someone who didn't have faith in me. Hell... he broke up with me twice! If anyone should be having doubts, it should be me! Not him! After I told him that, all he kept saying was, "Get your passport. You are coming out to see me. I can't wait to see you, and we are going to work on this relationship." And while all of that sounds wonderful, I told him that he is putting a band-aid on a more serious issue. His lack of faith, and honesty. At one point, I began crying. Mostly because i've dealt with so much hurt and pain caused by him, that I really don't have any understanding as to why he would think that I would leave him. He keeps telling me that all I have to do to make our relationship work is to (basically) not bring up the things that bother me, because they are rediculous things and they only push him away from me. He continues to make me feel as though all of this is my fault, the reason why our relationships never worked was because of me, and he is not at fault. After him begging for me to drop this whole thing and get my passport to come out there and see him, I told him i'm going to need a few days to think about everything. I need to seriously think about whether I can be with someone who doesn't have the faith in me that's needed to work towards building a healthy relationship. I just don't know what's going to end up happening. But i'm sure that whatever I decide will be what, I feel, is in my best interest.
GrayClouds Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 He wants to be with me. I told him that I wasn't sure if I could deal with being with someone who didn't have faith in me. Hell... he broke up with me twice! If anyone should be having doubts, it should be me! Not him! After I told him that, all he kept saying was, "Get your passport. You are coming out to see me. I can't wait to see you, and we are going to work on this relationship." And while all of that sounds wonderful, I told him that he is putting a band-aid on a more serious issue. His lack of faith, and honesty. I began crying. Mostly because i've dealt with so much hurt and pain caused by him, that I really don't have any understanding as to why he would think that I would I told him i'm going to need a few days to think about everything. I need to seriously think about whether I can be with someone who doesn't have the faith in me that's needed to work towards building a healthy relationship. TaraMaiden; "Could I ask, Erica dearest - what's the point?" ...it is easy to get addicted to the drama.
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