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3 months of NC, thinking of initiating contact!!?!? tell me what you think!!

hero112

By hero112
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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hero112 Member

hero112

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For anyone who doesnt know my story heres the link

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=217171

 

Its been 3 months of NC and even tho it was the hardest thing ive ever done I even ignored her merry xmas text which I think burnt alot of bridges. I have not heard anything from her since but there has not been a day that goes by that I dont think of her. I do feel that I have much more control of my emotions now and would be able to be myself rather than being down like I was. I never begged her or stalked her but I did send some emotional messages at one point that made her think the breakup was drama. She did admit that she should have handled it differently but I have a feeling she knows where I was coming from. We did only date for a short period of time being only a couple months but we did instantly click and for me for the first time in my life I did see a long term relationship. Since we broke up she did say I went hot and cold where I would talk to her and then it was just to hard to be friend so I would tell her that I cant be friends with you and if one day I can I will contact you. But I would always give in when she contacted, she did something that upset me and thats the reason i cut contact with her in November & to take control of myself.

 

Her mom was going through depression and she did lose her job, she thought I was not support her enough but honest to god I tried the best I could. I was never rude and I always tried my hardest to please her. I want to contact her but I want to know what everyone thinks. Theres 2 angles that im thinking about going with and wanted to know what you guys thought!

 

the first one is an email:

 

Sorry I couldn't remember your name.. Penguin right?!?

 

Well my names **** & I have a problem...!

 

I love penguins.. & one wise penguin once told me that there everywhere & all I need is a bunch of mangos to lure them in. Well me being the explorer I am ;) travelled across the world & met many penguins on the way. But I ran into this dilemma..

 

There's this one penguin that is unique unlike the rest. There's a rumor she lives in front of a school near west *** & *****, drives a silver accord, thinks it's cold at like 10 degrees & tans every chance she gets. She also trys to be cool like someone she know :p by joining the same gym, shopping at costco (best place on earth), loves burgers and fries but only if there ice cream :) she can't plan any surprises haha :p & the list could go on and on but I don't want to bore you with that. I was wondering if you knew such a complex penguin?!?! & if you could deliver her a message...

 

Supposedly her name is ****** with an ie not an ey. So clearly she must special :)

 

****, I'm literally sitting on the other side of the world & was thinking of you.. I'll be back next week and I've always wanted to try sushi. So what day will work for you?

 

** I refer to her as penguin as a pet name and she loves mangos..

 

or sending her a simple text like:

 

Hey, Ive always wanted to try sushi and I remember you mentioning this place that you said had the best sushi :) So I was thinking we should catch up and grab a bite to eat sometime next week? What day works for you??

 

this way its simple and I can talk to her face to face and not bring up the relationship but talk on a friendship level.

 

Wanted to get everyones opinion on this!! Please help I would appreciate anyones help. Or to stay NC and wait until he initiates, she has initated every other time i cut contact with her but she did try in december.. Im just not sure I need an outside perspective!! Thank you for eveyones advice. I really appreciate it!

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hero112 Member

hero112

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Please help, any advice would b appreciated

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

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yeah...dont send that. no point.

 

it reeks of desperation.

 

a better note would be...

 

"can you do my taxes?"

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hero112 Member

hero112

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yeah...dont send that. no point.

 

it reeks of desperation.

 

a better note would be...

 

"can you do my taxes?"

 

McGrupp- I just have the biggest urge to contact her.. do you think its still better to have no contact? Will the feeling of wanting to go to contact her go away. its been 3 months and ive had my ups and down but have been able to hold myself together. This might sound stupid but the first month I swore on god that I would not talk to her and that made me hold my ground and it really helped me keep my word.

 

I know that if I swore to god that this relationship is completely over that even if she came back that it would make me indifferent towards her. I don't know what to do but I hate this feeling :( of waiting for her to initiate contact.

 

Grayclouds, taramaiden & caliguy I would love to hear your insight on this..! thanks everyone who has read my story

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

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well cali's in the hospital. gray will tell u not too. havent seen tara round here in a minute.

 

u know what to do. i want to contact my ex every ****ing day. but why?

 

i couldnt do anything but beg and plead. seriously...

 

we'll be alright. make yourself awesome...

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

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well cali's in the hospital. gray will tell u not too. havent seen tara round here in a minute.

 

u know what to do. i want to contact my ex every ****ing day. but why?

 

i couldnt do anything but beg and plead. seriously...

 

we'll be alright. make yourself awesome...

 

I tell you not to... ;)

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hero112 Member

hero112

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I tell you not to... ;)

Logic tells me to stay NC but my heart tells me to contact her, she always emphasized that her mom always pushed her dad away but he kept coming back everytime and now there married for over 25 years. She also said that sometimes its not the right time for 2 people to come together. It just causes me question myself and keep saying what if? I ****ing hate this feeling everyday, she also said as soon we started dating to not let her push me away because she would at one point. Her mom is going through depression and it must run through her bloodline because no matter what I cant recall her ever being truly happy. There was always something she complained about, I just dont know what to do & I do really care for her. Its been over 9 months since we ended it..

 

Do you guys think I should just swore to god that its over that even if she came back it would be done regardless. I dont know if im ready for such a commitment but feeling like this everyday is not heatlhy either right.

thegoodlife Established Member

thegoodlife

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Don't contact her.

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hero112 Member

hero112

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She contacted me after 2 months! But it really shows what a selfish person she is... she wrote

 

"Hey! Im planning on buying **** online. Do you know a good site to buy it off of?"

 

She wants this weight loss stuff ive gotten for her in the past that really works, but thats all she wrote.. She has sent this before to me in july and stupid me while being on NC bought it and sent it to her via post. She sent me a message when she received it saying that she was speechless and that it was the nicest thing anyone has done for her and we started to talk once again. Im thinking she's trying to throw the bait, but I never responded and to be honest i'm very disappointed. What do you guys interpret from this message its been since december since she last contacted me. And its been over 3 months of zero contact with her.

 

Thank you everyone, anyones advice will help

BTLC23 Member

BTLC23

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I went NC with my ex for 2 months, then when I went to talk to her again she never responded, She ignores all my attempts. I want to talk her but when and if she ever contacts me again in the future, I'll be pissed because when I would like to talk and get some closure, she can't respond. I might by being selfish because she prob wants to stick with her decision and not bring up old feelings because when we broke up she sat the convincing herself thinking about all the bad things I ever did. I don't know what it was, I think it was because I stopped having sex with her. I wasn't cheating on her, but I guess I was losing interest after all those years. Any women think that makes sense. She felt like I was losing interest so she decided to break things off. Anyway dude, I think it would be more mature if you did, respond but give it some time like a week and make it brief. Did she ever ignore you?

Getting_stronger Established Member

Getting_stronger

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You dont give many details about what happened previously or how old you both are. I say dont do it mate. You dont sound like you are in a strong enough position to think rationally about this yet.

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hero112 Member

hero112

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You dont give many details about what happened previously or how old you both are. I say dont do it mate. You dont sound like you are in a strong enough position to think rationally about this yet.

BTLC23- She has ignored in the past when I have asked to get together or a direct question. But she has always initiated contacted after I go NC this is the longest time period she contacted me after but only once before this time have I ever ignored all her contacts and that made her go mental that time. Im not sure that this text message has a hidden message? or is she just that selfish?

 

Getting_stronger- If you click the link in my first post it explains the whole situation, would love to hear your input

 

To al of loveshack,

 

If I ignore her this time again it would be the 5th time in 3 months, but all have been very weak attempts, like calling me twice, asking me if im coming to her work anytime soon, merry xmas and now this text asking me about weight loss supplements.. If I dont respond this time will she get it? I am so confused I dont understand if she is just using this to start conversation because I always told her she doesnt need it and basically just a hidden message. Or is she that selfish that all she cares about is herself? What do you guys think??

 

Thank you everyone

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hero112 Member

hero112

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I was thinking of writing something very simplE like..

 

Sorry, no I don't.

 

Keep it very simple and sweet? If I ignore it all together this will be her fifth contact that I ignored. What message will that send? Thanks

Getting_stronger Established Member

Getting_stronger

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Hmm my thinking has changed a bit today- I must be hormonal :)

 

Now I think your quick short response answers the question and thats it. If she wants to talk about the r'ship, she needs to actually say it.

MizzBella Member

MizzBella

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Hi,

 

 

I agree with the last post - you can try a short simple reply that doesn't sound needy on your part. But certainly try not to have any expectations from her because then you will just be disappointed.

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hero112 Member

hero112

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I have decided to stay nc & will only respond to her if she sends a meaningful message. I think it's simply a test to see if she has me whipped around her finger still. To break 3months of nc would not make sense in my mind! What do you guys think?

monkeymaid Established Member

monkeymaid

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and it will drive her up the fraking wall!! not tht that should be motivation, but icing on the cake always made it sweeter!!

 

just let it lie. ...if you dont say anything, you cant mess anything up. ..in fact, it will make her wonder more and more...go ahead and leave her to her own devices.

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