HockeyMom Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I feel sick and feel like I was just stabbed in the heart. I wish I didn't have to wake up in the morning!! For whatever reason I feel the need to know whats going on in my ex's life.... and check Facebook too often. I just had to see pictures of the big happy family in the new house. I'm so jealous and it just kills me. I don't know why it's her and not me. I'm just in shock about the whole thing. I hate this and I hate life right now!!!
Author HockeyMom Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 Maybe I should put a sticky note on the screen of my laptop, NO MORE FACEBOOk... I wonder if that would help me to stop even going on at all....cause facebook is gonna be the death of me...I'm obsessed with needing to know.
skydiveaddict Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) Maybe I should put a sticky note on the screen of my laptop, NO MORE FACEBOOk... I wonder if that would help me to stop even going on at all....cause facebook is gonna be the death of me...I'm obsessed with needing to know. fb is poison girl.. Delete his page. Its only an avenue to prolong your suffering. You dont need it! If there is one common denominator of misery when it comes to break ups, fb is it, hands down Edited February 27, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Sassygirl2 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I feel for you HockeyMom. I used to do the same thing with my ex and check his page all the time. It's really hard to resist! But it WILL get better and easier, I promise. I want to tell you a story about my ex husband and what happened 4 years ago. After we split up he almost immediately started dating one of my (former) best friends who also has 2 girls that go to the same school as my 2 girls. They denied any involvement for over a year BUT I knew they were together because my girls would tell me things. I pretty much lost it and it wasn't good. I threatened her, threatened him, said horrible things to both of them and just acted like an ass because I was in so much pain. The worst part was seeing them all as "one big happy family". I felt so alone, like you are feeling now. I thought they had it all and were so happy but in reality, they weren't as happy as I thought . They dated for 2 years and during the first year it seemed like they were throwing the relationship in my face by being at all the school functions together with all the children like one big "happy" family. Anyway, long story short(er)......after my friends kept telling me to let it go and take care of myself, I finally started to listen. It took a long time for me to heal and accept that there was nothing I could do or say to change it. The more I screamed the more they stuck together. Until about a year ago; my ex and I started looking at the damage that was being done to our children. The anger and sadness had taken it's toll on everyone. We were ALL in therapy. My ex and I were ordered to go to parenting classes and all this other stuff. We finally became civil to each other and decided to act like adults again. The interesting thing is that when I stopped saying anything and caring about them being together....their relationship started to fall apart. They realized that they were not really compatible but had stayed together to spite me. My ex husband and I have talked at length about this and he told me that even though it seemed like it to me, he was not really "happy". It was more of an act to cover up the pain of he and I divorcing. They are not together anymore but remain "friends". So what I'm trying to tell you is that your ex and his new girl are probably not as happy as you think and when you see the pictures on Facebook of them and the new house.......it's probably not all it's cracked up to be. You have to remember that a majority of people put their best stuff on FB - you hardly ever see anyone talking about their problems or issues. I never thought I'd make it through the pain and anguish of my ex husband being with one of my best friends, but I did. You will be OK and make it through this. You have to rely on friends and family who are supportive and can help you get through this. Please don't do what I did and make it worse. If you can act like you don't care and it doesn't bother you (even though it does) it WILL start working in your favor. Have you ever heard the phrase, "fake it til you make it"? Well, I truly believe this works in certain situations. You can start by not looking at FB (delete him as a friend), not calling/texting/emailing, etc., and telling yourself you don't care anymore. We all know you do but little by little you will start to believe this and eventually you will start to heal. I hope this helps. Hang in there and be strong. You CAN do it!
adamt Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 there is only one answer and that is to unfriend the ex and then block them for good. It's hard to do that but it does make you feel better. the last thing you want is to see pictures of your ex appearing all happy in a picture. you have to treat the whole situation as if the person does not exist anymore. even when i unfriended my ex i would check to see what her profile picture was. it doesnt help when we have mutual friends. do oyu really want to still have the ex on your face book when they start a new relationship and put up pictures? facebook will mess with your head. its like self harm and the old wounds never heal. you read into things too much and checking their profile means you are not going full NC. Me and my ex joined facebook at the sametime. I never thought we would break up and i never thought that facebook would make it so hard. advice is to think twice about having your partner on your facebook. having mutual friends makes it difficult too
Author HockeyMom Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 Thank you all for the advice and support..really means alot because I just don't know who to turn to anymore for comfort. I only have 1 or 2 friends left that really care about what I'm going thru or how I feel. My ex doesn't have a facebook acct. He either deleted it all together or blocked me. We weren't ever friends on FB. He made an acct when we were split. I think he deleted his acct though when he and his gf had some problems a while back. But.... I found the pics on his sons page. I just don't understand the whole relationship. We are the same age with grown kids, well, 16, 19, and 21... The new gf is 12 yrs younger than us with 3 little kids all under the age of 8 I think... I just don't understand what he sees in her. But their relationship developed at work as they are both managers and became close friends at first as she was in a difficult marraige and getting ready for a divorce and he was there for her. Their friendship turned into more and ours into less.... What sucks is that he got me a part time job at the same place before we split. I got laid off from my full time job of 27 years...probably from being a mess over our breakup last spring. Then we were back together for most of the summer but I gave him so much space that it allowed their relationship to grow. Uggg.... This is just horrible. I'm supposed to go to a party tonight with a bunch of people and now I just don't even feel like I can leave the house. My friend calls it sheet therapy...lol, so I think I'll be hanging around LS all day and night. Thanks for listening cause I'm a mess...This is going to be a long day!!! I can't wait to hear that they're not one big happy family, because in the pics it sure looks like they are with so much going on moving into a big beautiful house with lots going on.... It should be me. Not her!!!!! I feel like life isn't fair. I have nothing to live for except my son. I hate life right now!!!
HeavenOrHell Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 After months of self inflicted torture I deleted/blocked my ex on fb, so I never see him on there now and feel much better for it
GrayClouds Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 HockyMom you need to focus on yourself more and him less. It does not matter what he is up too, It does not matter if you understand their attraction, it does not matter if they are happy or not. What matters now is finding your happiness. Go NC and that means no cyber stalking as well as emails, text, phone unless its 100 necessary. Second, and even as important making yourself important. Start by begaining some kind of exersisze progam, running, yoga, wee fit, lifting weights lifting, all of them just make sure you doing something every day that make you wokr and tired. It will make you feel better and look better. Then make sure your eating good healthy stuff and a regular basis. Find a hobby or class that you always been intrested but never really pursued. Pursue it now. Volunteer at something to bet you around people besides using friends and family for support. These things will keep you thinking about yourself and help you heal form the realtionship ending.
Author HockeyMom Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 I did get myself back to the gym and for that hour or 2 a day, when I go, is about the only time I don't think about him, miss him, want him.... When I'm motivated enough, I'm trying to keep up with housework and just regular stuff.... short of that, I tell everybody, no, I'm not joining basket weaving, or knitting club....lol... what else is there to do??? He was my other half. I have taken a couple trips to Mohegan Sun by myself... lonely and boring. I just don't know what else to do to keep busy or entertain myself. It sucks when I get busy doing housework, I can't play my ipod anymore because I spend more time crying my eyes out because just about every song on there either reminds me of him or is just a sad or lovey song. I'm almost 47 yrs old and all my friends are either married or have a significant other in their lives... I'm alone and lonely and just miss my other 1/2. He was my life and I don't understand why people say we're not supposed to have someone else make us happy... I'll never get that. Without him in my life, I'll never be happy! At least that's how I feel right now. Alone and lonely every day and every night!!!
leoine Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Yes, delete or block your ex. Also just remember that people only ever take photos of them smiling and to 'show-off' themselves on fb. And people tend to untag themselves from unflattering, mundane pictures of themselves - sooo fb is really all FAKE and best not to think too much about it. AND second to focusing on yourself. Learn to love yourself first and again (if you've lost it during the time you were with your Ex). When you learn to love yourself, you'll radiate something that people become drawn to you in a positive and good way.
saraxlindsay Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I know how it feels. My ex and I just recently broke up a week and a half ago. He was the love of my life. I am only 22 years old, but we were moved in together, we had plans of starting a family once we were finished school this year. I thought everything was amazing. Then one morning he woke up and told me he didn't feel the same way anymore and ended it with me. I had 48 hours to move back home and I honestly feel like my life has fallen apart. he deleted me off of facebook the day after we broke up and has also blocked me on msn. I can still access his facebook profile though and I tend to do it everyday, just to see what he is doing, how he feels, if he ever mentions me, but everytime i go there it just makes things harder, but I can't pull myself away from it.
mizundastud Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I did get myself back to the gym and for that hour or 2 a day, when I go, is about the only time I don't think about him, miss him, want him.... When I'm motivated enough, I'm trying to keep up with housework and just regular stuff.... short of that, I tell everybody, no, I'm not joining basket weaving, or knitting club....lol... what else is there to do??? He was my other half. I have taken a couple trips to Mohegan Sun by myself... lonely and boring. I just don't know what else to do to keep busy or entertain myself. It sucks when I get busy doing housework, I can't play my ipod anymore because I spend more time crying my eyes out because just about every song on there either reminds me of him or is just a sad or lovey song. I'm almost 47 yrs old and all my friends are either married or have a significant other in their lives... I'm alone and lonely and just miss my other 1/2. He was my life and I don't understand why people say we're not supposed to have someone else make us happy... I'll never get that. Without him in my life, I'll never be happy! At least that's how I feel right now. Alone and lonely every day and every night!!! i can relate because i checked ( will check) his facebook all the time. to be honest I dont have much advice because im in the same situation or worse. I would just suggest you find someone else that intrigues you that you enjoy spending time with to help get your mind of him.
adamt Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 (edited) block and delete them from facebook! if you cant do it get someone else to do it for you. then just get as busy as possible and fill up all your time so you have no time to think about the ex. eventually you will realise you can survive without the ex. HockeyMom,i know how it feels to lose someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with. i'm 38 and spent 3 years with my ex. we were planning to get a house together and then hopefully move onto having a family. you get dumped and it turns your world upside down and makes you reassess your life. at the moment it feels like i wasted 3-4 years of my life on someone i thought i would settle down with. being single at 40 does worry me sometimes. its big jump from being single at 35. dating seems a lot harder now. when you are ready, it sounds like you will have to be proactive and take up some hobbies or join groups where you will meet like minded people. rebuild your social life. i've taken up golf recently so that might open up another social outlet., i think women are more sociable creatures and find new friends a lot easier. men can be more loners i think Edited March 3, 2010 by adamt
Author HockeyMom Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 My ex doesn't have a FB acct. unless I'm blocked and don't know it... I don't know how that works. I see things on other people's. It's so hard not to look. I will always love, miss, and want my ex back... I'm pretty sure anyway. I don't know how to move on or really even understand that... I can't get my heart and mind to just stop missing or loving him. I have been in love with him for 13 years and believed he was my soulmate, best friend, lover, and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with from very early on. We graduated high school together, and started seeing each other 15 yrs. later. lasted a few yrs.... timing wasn't right for us then either. he left me and married somebody else and we were apart for 8 yrs. I never got over him. I never stopped missing him and never really even went out with anybody else. I had a young son and an extremely active and fulfulling life with him. Alot of sports year round and a summer place at a beach with a bunch of friends. I and all my friends thought i was always so happy. But whenever I had an oppurtunity to make a wish it was always, I hope someday he comes back to me. Well 8 yrs later he did. I was at the highest happiest point of my life. I thought I was all set. He admitted he made a mistake leaving me all those years ago. Now I know he's making the same mistake again and it kills me. Now I am at my lowest. I feel like I won't be happy without him in my life.
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 You seriously need to get over this man. It sounds like you're wasting your life waiting for him to love you. He's not making a mistake, he's trying to do what he feels is best for him. You need to do the same. Not trying to be harsh, but what you've posted is pathetic. There's a life out there for you and a man who will love you, if you look for it.
Author HockeyMom Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Harsh, yes. That's kinda the reason I'm not really keen on posting tons on here. I don't have any good advice to offer anyone, i can only relate to the others that are as down as I am. I don't do well with harsh. I've told friends, family, and my therapist, please don't kick me when I'm already down. That doesn't make me feel one bit better... Maybe some could call me or the story of my life pathetic. I know I'm pretty messed up but pathetic, ya that's harsh. I did live a life that I thought I was very happy with. I was completely devoted to my son, Always busy and doing things together. I wasn't in a relationship but didn't want one. As a single mom, devoted to raising a great, well rounded kid, we did pretty well. The love of my life came back to me and made my life that much more complete. I'm completely shocked about what's happened in the last 6 months and I still have to see him at work which makes it even harder. I do see a therapist, I am on meds. I do go to the gym, I am doing the best I can. I'm not doing well at all but I am doing the best I can.
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Your entire existence right now revolves around your feelings for one man who clearly doesn't want you. It's not being harsh to tell you to get a life, it's bein realistic. I'm sure there are quite a few nice men out there who would make you feel 10x what this man ever has but you refuse to look past him and allow it. It's obsession, it's not healthy and obviously is crippling your life, but only because you're allowing it. There's alot of life and love out there Hockeymom, but you have to x out of facebook and start living and enjoying it.
unsaved Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Hockeymom, I know exactly what you are feeling. It is SO hard not to check in on his friends, family, friends of friends, acquaintances of friends of friends....HA. WHY do we do this? Why do we torture ourselves? I guess we are searching for a bit of hope that maybe he is miserable. Or, we are searching for hope that maybe he has posted some status message that is asking for our forgiveness and wanting us back. It's funny, sometimes I don't know which is worse: me actually seeing things updates and changes on his FB page (or his friends' FB pages) or NOT seeing anything different at all. Either way, I want in on his life. We seek out his facebook page (or people associated to him) because we are so used to having this person in our lives and it's hard for us to accept that they no longer want us in their lives. It is a tough thing to accept. BUT, YOU WILL accept it. A lot of us are RIGHT HERE with you struggling with this acceptance. Sometimes we need to just know that we're not alone in this struggle. You aren't. TRUST ME. EVERYONE on LS who is a facebook user has checked an ex's profile at least once. And if they say they haven't,then they are lying or have insane self-control. Calling you pathetic is hypocritical of most of us. You are normal. But, you have made it clear that you have hit your limit. Lucky for you, we all have great suggestions to help you stop! Instead of going to Facebook, come here. Read tons and tons of posts or reply to others' posts. Start a new threat called, "post here instead of checking your ex's facebook!" Block all facebook posts of his friends/family/etc. from your news feed. If you want, block/defriend anyone associated to him. With one of my exes, i actually emailed all of my mutual facebook friends of his (luckily, there were only 3 or 4) and told them I was removing them as a friend b/c I couldn't stand checking anymore. They were all very cool about it. Or, if blocking/deleting him or others is just too overwhelming, then separate yourself from Facebook for awhile. Call a friend, go visit a friend, get Netflix and start watching a TV series that you've been interested in, join Match.com or Eharmony.com but don't pay for it and check your "matches" instead. (Yes, I have done all of these things before. lol) If you need any more advice, just ask. I think LS should have live chat rooms. Then we could just go there and chat with whoeever was around instead of checking FB! Sure would be nice. Anyway, you are NOT alone. You are NOT abnormal for doing what you're doing. But, you've openly admitted you want to quit. So, do something different. There are plenty of suggestions above to help and i'm sure others will post more. Good luck to you and hang in there!
icyness Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I feel you and everyone else who posted on this thread HockeyMom. I wish I was kidding when I say I've permanently deleted and reactivated a fake FB account that I've been using to spy on my ex. I have this insane urge to go on there all the time and see what's happening with him. Where has it gotten me? No where whatsoever but more heartache. It's an awful and very upsetting addiction; I've deleted it again for probably, I really don't know...perhaps the 50th time or so if not more. Get through one day at a time. If you've gone one day without peeking at any of those horrid sources, you can go one more, another, and so on. At least that's what I have to do. *big hugs* to you. xo
Author HockeyMom Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Just want to thank everyone who understands... Friendly support does help. I'll go start that thread. Will be interesting to see how many people will go there instead of FB...lol
dwilliams_22 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I know what you mean. I keep running to the computer every 5 minutes checking his account cause I know his password and everything so I know its hard to let go. I'm just at that point. I'm trying to be tough and say to myself that I don't care but its like a burning through my soul when I don't check fb, email, or even the phone to see if he called.
Sassygirl2 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Hockeymom: You are NOT pathetic, just hurting. We all grieve our losses differently and you are having a hard time. I feel for you. I have been pretty much glued to this LS community for a few weeks and it really has helped me get through the pain of my bf leaving a month ago AND it keeps me from checking his FB page or calling or texting him. They say that it takes 28 days to make something a "habit". (I don't know who the hell "they" are - but I've heard this before.) Anyway, do it one day at a time like people have suggested and before you know it......you will be OVER checking the FB pages. Keep your chin up! We are praying for you!
costablanca Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 i found facebook a doubled edged sword. it was great for building a new circle of friends from friends of friends and so on. but checking up on the ex was irresistable. even though i had deleted his profile and blocked him i would still punch in his name and then get upset. in the end i installed the free programme K9 web protection. after i had loaded facebook in the sites not allowed list, i got my best mate to change the password to one which i dont know. now i cant get on and months later im happy i did it. the less i know the better i feel. i would highly recommend it to anyone who cant stop torturing themselves with the exs profile.
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