MellowScout Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I posted one thread before, if you haven't read it here's the gist: My ex and I were together for 3 years, lived together for a year and a half and at the end of October he broke up with me. We talked/cried for a few weeks...and then I moved about 5 1/2 hours away when I realized we were really no longer going to make it work. (Or I should say, he was unwiliing to try.) I did no contact. I did it to save myself, not as a punishment, not as some way to "get him back." I did it because I needed the time to heal and time to sort out where my life was and what I was doing. The interesting thing about no contact is that while YOU get to heal, THEY start to miss you. The best thing to do is take a step back and re-examine YOUR life and where YOU want it to go. When I got broken up with, I felt very out of control. The moment I decided to stop calling/texting, I took the control back. And then I realized, this isn't about a power struggle. In life, we lose more people then we keep. Learning how to survive loss is a necessary yet sucky part of life. Just be strong, it does get better. In fact, two months after no contact...my ex emailed me. I didn't have a good response, so I prayed and waited for DAYS before I called him. And we talked for a few minutes. And then the next week we talked again. And we have since talked two more times. Once initiated by him, and once initiated by me. He opened the door to contact and I have decided to keep it open. Now we are at the point where we can talk without fighting, without crying, without any pressure. When we were breaking up I would wonder, "Does he miss me? Does he regret this? How can he be so cold-hearted and just not call?" Well, now I have the answers to those questions...the truth is that even though he broke up with me, he is still a person who has feelings and his feelings were hurt through our break-up as well. Truth be told, when I talk to him now, I feel as though I am doing better with the break-up then he is! Imagine that... I don't know what our future holds, and that's okay, life is learning process. Just be kind to people, no matter what. How they treat you is their karma, but how you react is yours. It is so possible that your ex will make contact and you can start to talk again. But it is up to YOU to know what you want to say when it finally happens. The best thing I did was give this situation over to God (and spent tons of time with family and friends and at church.) It is four months post-break-up and I am alive and well and looking forward to life, whether it includes my ex in some way, shape or form or not.
nowomanocry Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Hiya I found that very interesting, thanks for posting She decided to call it quits about 18 days ago and we exchanged a couple of calls for sorting some things out and she / me not in contact for about 10 days time. Just to let you know, mine was a LDR me here in Istanbul and she in the UK - loads of visits to each other though, me single and shes single mum of 4 kids. I carried the whole financial burden because of my love towards her and for her it was too much balancing her life between me and kids I guess etc etc I did not beg, cry or ask her to come back or anything... After she said things like "evertthing can change" "this situation is to my benefit" "I feel so relieved" (she does not have to miss me anymore nothing to do with other things) I would be very interested to hear how yours go - Take care hun
brwneyedgrl3333 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 MellowScout...Your post was just what I needed to read tonight! Thank you for posting it. You have such a wonderful attitude with everything! I admire that as I am really struggling to let go. It has been just past 2 months (the week of Christmas) since my ex broke off our 2 + year relationship....there has been NO contact on either side since the dropping off of things 2 days after and that ended very, VERY sadly with him being extremely cold and indifferent. I will NOT contact. I did not beg....or plead or ask him to give us another chance.....I softly cried and then walked out the door after he had had his say and told me point blank with no emotion whatsoever....that he wanted me to go. It's been the worst post-break-up of my life. I'd like to think that what you said about the nc helping us heal while they begin to miss us..my ex is a very cold, hard man inside and I can't imagine him ever admitting a mistake much less taking the steps to make it right again...it's a nice thought and I'm sure is so in some cases but I don't think it will be true in my case and I have to stop hoping . It's the hope I think, that is preventing me from healing quicker and being able to move forward. That's been the tough part. Anyway....your post did lift me up a bit on another lonely Friday night here, so thank you for that and best of luck!!!!
nowomanocry Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) MellowScout...Your post was just what I needed to read tonight! Thank you for posting it. You have such a wonderful attitude with everything! I admire that as I am really struggling to let go. It has been just past 2 months (the week of Christmas) since my ex broke off our 2 + year relationship....there has been NO contact on either side since the dropping off of things 2 days after and that ended very, VERY sadly with him being extremely cold and indifferent. I will NOT contact. I did not beg....or plead or ask him to give us another chance.....I softly cried and then walked out the door after he had had his say and told me point blank with no emotion whatsoever....that he wanted me to go. It's been the worst post-break-up of my life. I'd like to think that what you said about the nc helping us heal while they begin to miss us..my ex is a very cold, hard man inside and I can't imagine him ever admitting a mistake much less taking the steps to make it right again...it's a nice thought and I'm sure is so in some cases but I don't think it will be true in my case and I have to stop hoping . It's the hope I think, that is preventing me from healing quicker and being able to move forward. That's been the tough part. Anyway....your post did lift me up a bit on another lonely Friday night here, so thank you for that and best of luck!!!! Not holding my breath though ...Moving on, seizing the day. There a saying which goes (I know maybe it is very popular but couldn't help posting it)... "If you love someone set her free.. If she does not come back to you she never loved you anyway.." Have a great week-end please keep us posted how ya doin' Edited February 27, 2010 by nowomanocry woteva
carnegie Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I posted one thread before, if you haven't read it here's the gist: My ex and I were together for 3 years, lived together for a year and a half and at the end of October he broke up with me. We talked/cried for a few weeks...and then I moved about 5 1/2 hours away when I realized we were really no longer going to make it work. (Or I should say, he was unwiliing to try.) I did no contact. I did it to save myself, not as a punishment, not as some way to "get him back." I did it because I needed the time to heal and time to sort out where my life was and what I was doing. The interesting thing about no contact is that while YOU get to heal, THEY start to miss you. The best thing to do is take a step back and re-examine YOUR life and where YOU want it to go. When I got broken up with, I felt very out of control. The moment I decided to stop calling/texting, I took the control back. And then I realized, this isn't about a power struggle. In life, we lose more people then we keep. Learning how to survive loss is a necessary yet sucky part of life. Just be strong, it does get better. In fact, two months after no contact...my ex emailed me. I didn't have a good response, so I prayed and waited for DAYS before I called him. And we talked for a few minutes. And then the next week we talked again. And we have since talked two more times. Once initiated by him, and once initiated by me. He opened the door to contact and I have decided to keep it open. Now we are at the point where we can talk without fighting, without crying, without any pressure. When we were breaking up I would wonder, "Does he miss me? Does he regret this? How can he be so cold-hearted and just not call?" Well, now I have the answers to those questions...the truth is that even though he broke up with me, he is still a person who has feelings and his feelings were hurt through our break-up as well. Truth be told, when I talk to him now, I feel as though I am doing better with the break-up then he is! Imagine that... I don't know what our future holds, and that's okay, life is learning process. Just be kind to people, no matter what. How they treat you is their karma, but how you react is yours. It is so possible that your ex will make contact and you can start to talk again. But it is up to YOU to know what you want to say when it finally happens. The best thing I did was give this situation over to God (and spent tons of time with family and friends and at church.) It is four months post-break-up and I am alive and well and looking forward to life, whether it includes my ex in some way, shape or form or not. Your post is just a exciting post, Mellow. I seem to find myself in your post, that's great! I wonder how you can move on so fast. just some months, you can move on with your life and feel good. Im really glad for you. Now I'm in NC too. And never think about "when will she get in tough with me?", coz i just blocked your Yahoo Id, facebook. Sometime I miss her crazy, but I have no choice but going NC, huh?
GrayClouds Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 . It is so possible that your ex will make contact and you can start to talk again. But it is up to YOU to know what you want to say when it finally happens. It is possible but not likely, unless they are looking to relieve guilt, looking to boost theri ego, or simple a fall back booty call. The best thing you can do is to move on without holding on to the hope that they will contact you. .The best thing I did was give this situation over to God (and spent tons of time with family and friends and at church.) God is good, God is great, be she only helps those who helps themselves. Your healing is something you have to take control of in your own hands.
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