Alyssa_24 Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 [FONT=Helv][sIZE=2][FONT=Helv][sIZE=2]I have a great boyfriend, that I have been with for 2 years now. During the spring time we broke up for 3 months. He meet a girl from the Caribbean that was here for her modeling career. They became very close during the 2 months that they became friends. They went on occasional dates and hooked up once. Shortly after she left, we became a couple again. My problem is that he refuses to stop talking to this girl. He keeps in contact with her via BBM, Facebook, and Email. There has been a couple of times where he has "liked" her swim suit photos on FB, which has really upset me. I have asked him on many occasions to stop talking with this girl, but he doesn't think that he should have to due to my insecurities. He even lied and said that he had deleted her from his BBM, he said he told me this lie because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. There was even a time when I had questioned him about something she wrote on his FB wall and he placed my profile on Limited so I couldn't see what people (her) were writing on his wall........ I really do love this guy, but when it comes to his girl, all we do is argue. Besides this issue we get along great, and we have even talked about living together What bothers me the most is how defensive he gets when I mention her name and how he doesn't respect my feelings when it comes to this issue. What should I do? Am I over re-acting even though she lives in another country? Should I get over it and trust my boyfriend fully? Plus, there is always the passibility of her returning again this summer..... [/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]
Crazy Magnet Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 If you choose to continue in this relationship, the issue will stay in the relationship. Is he worth dealing with this issue forever? 10 years? 20 years? Only you can answer that one.
nddb Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 He meet a girl from the Caribbean that was here for her modeling career. They went on occasional dates and hooked up once. I ended a relationship once because I was after a hot model who gave me the signal. Men, especially young men, are shallow. It was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. She turned out to be a nut case but omg, she was hot...
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Plus' date=' there is always the passibility of her returning again this summer[/b'] EXACTLY! and I think your BF will feel entitled to see her should she visit. He's choosing a cyber relationship with a woman he may never see again over a real relationship with you. Limiting your access to his profile?, no way is that acceptable. I would have to end it.
aerogurl87 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 EXACTLY! and I think your BF will feel entitled to see her should she visit. He's choosing a cyber relationship with a woman he may never see again over a real relationship with you. Limiting your access to his profile?, no way is that acceptable. I would have to end it. I agree with txsilkysmoothe. If she comes back you can bet he'll want to see her again. And really, he limited your profile on facebook so you couldn't see what they were writing to one another and you actually want to move in with him still? I'd think about that one, because for me that would be 100% unacceptable.
Author Alyssa_24 Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 [FONT=Helv][sIZE=2][FONT=Helv][sIZE=2]Wow, this really makes me look at the situation differently..... but you guys/girls have some good points that I really need to consider. I spoke with him and that fact that he keeps her contact info avail to him, he claims that they barely talk and the only reason why he gets upset when I meantion her name is because he is tired of talking about this situation, because he has explained to me many times that they are just friends and that am the one he wants to be with. He claims that he loves me and that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to her, or any other female. [/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]
marsle85 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Because she has so much allure. I'm on your side girlie, but she's gorgeous and completely unobtainable. Plus, there was no time to bore of her. Sucks completely, but it could be worse. She could live a town over.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 A man like this will always find some woman (or women) outside the relationship to obsess about. It's just the way they are. Nothing you can do will ever change it.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 [FONT=Helv][sIZE=2][FONT=Helv][sIZE=2]Wow, this really makes me look at the situation differently..... but you guys/girls have some good points that I really need to consider. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Helv]I spoke with him and that fact that he keeps her contact info avail to him, he claims that they barely talk and the only reason why he gets upset when I meantion her name is because he is tired of talking about this situation, because he has explained to me many times that they are just friends and that am the one he wants to be with. He claims that he loves me and that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to her, or any other female.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=Helv][/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] So this justifies him lying to you about a woman he slept with and blocking you from seeing what he is doing online with this woman? If she had not left, would you two have reconciled?
fallendisguise Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Please, please, forgive me for being so blunt. If you were his number one priority he would STOP talking to her... PERIOD. Do NOT move in with this guy. He will see her again. He is making the excuse that you are "insecure" to justify something that he is doing is wrong. Put yourself in his shoes. If you had met some hot guy and hit it off and then got back with your boyfriend, if you really loved him would you continue to keep talking to the hot guy? No, the hot guy wouldn't matter. The fact that he keeps talking to her, knowing it upsets you, is disrespectful. Not only that, but it is basically saying that he doesn't care if it upsets you. I'm so sorry if I am being harsh, but I've been in this situation many times before and that has always been the case. The fact that he is limiting your viewing of his FB is extremely shady. IMO, he is either writing something to her or she is writing something to him, that he doesn't want you to see. That is not good. If you are in a committed, loving relationship you never have anything to hide.
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