tigressA Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Really not sure what's going on with me lately. Everyone around me seems to be falling crazy in love and I'm just...well, not. I feel almost numb. Even my RA (resident assistant) who's always been like, "Emotions are gay" and "Relationships suck" has a new boyfriend who she's absolutely gaga over. It's not that I'm envious. I just used to be...different. I used to be like everyone else I'm seeing around me. Things that I found romantic and sweet I tend to dismiss these days as cheesy and/or unnecessary. I haven't cried at the end of "Moulin Rouge" in the last 5 times I watched it (over 4 months), and I always cry. I've been seeing a guy for the past couple months or so. Things have been really good. He's cute and smart and considerate, makes me laugh my butt off; while the sex was middling at first because of his inexperience it's getting better every time, and I like him a lot. But I'm not utterly infatuated or super-enthusiastic. I'm not constantly thinking about him or wondering if he's thinking about me. I don't even really miss him when he isn't around, though I feel like that's more because I know when I'm going to see him and I don't concern myself with questions I already know the answers to or can't answer. I'm not constantly wondering about our status, about whether or not we should "talk". Maybe I've just grown up, become disenchanted with the trappings of infatuation and romance? Maybe I've just become much more secure?
carhill Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 But I'm not utterly infatuated or super-enthusiastic. I'm not constantly thinking about him or wondering if he's thinking about me. I don't even really miss him when he isn't around, though I feel like that's more because I know when I'm going to see him and I don't concern myself with questions I already know the answers to or can't answer. I'm not constantly wondering about our status, about whether or not we should "talk".Drama junkie Seriously, reading, I'd be a bit concerned.
alphamale Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 you're just growing up tigressA...its the old been there done that. we all go thru it
Rearden Metal Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 You sound refreshingly mature. Although, I LOVE when a girl is super excited/in love/gaga over me, I'd probably have to say I'd prefer a self sufficient, adult woman like yourself in my life. Of course, my recent ex is a total clusterf**k, that might have something to do with it!
Author tigressA Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 I feel better after posting this. I was initially concerned because it's a pretty radical change for me. I suppose I was just addicted to drama like a lot of young people out there. I'm content these days. And it's nice to be in that place. I don't really miss being infatuated. My views on other things have changed too--like marriage. I used to have this big thing about getting married, but now I'm much more indifferent about it--at this stage in my life I can see myself being content with never getting married, though I understand that my mind can change again since I'm only 22. I'm very indifferent about monogamy now as well. I feel like I've seen a lot in my own life and in others' lives that has made me lose faith in it. I can see myself being in an open relationship, and like the idea of it, whereas I couldn't and didn't before.
alphamale Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 thats good that you're more relaxed tigressA
carhill Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I hope some of the veteran LS'ers who are married will chime in on this (sorry, my best friend called in the middle of my last post and his mom recently had surgery, so....) but I can tell you that, in my M, there was a notable existence of what I quoted from your post, most specifically the 'not thinking about <spouse> when not around' and, for me, such 'thoughts' are one important delineation of the differences between friends and intimate relations. I was never insecure about 'status' in any relationship so don't know what that feels like. I figured if a woman wanted to be with me, she would be with me. If not, not. But that 'connection', the shared thoughts and feelings when together and apart, is, for me, the glue which binds the emotional part of an intimate relationship. IOW, even when 'secure' in the relationship, 'missing' and 'desiring' my spouse is an indication of the connection we share. Perhaps this is an indicator of your age and growth path, so IMO you should experience it to the fullest to better understand the dynamic. Try some casual sex and open relationships and see how it goes. Everyone's path is unique.
Author tigressA Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 I hope some of the veteran LS'ers who are married will chime in on this (sorry, my best friend called in the middle of my last post and his mom recently had surgery, so....) but I can tell you that, in my M, there was a notable existence of what I quoted from your post, most specifically the 'not thinking about <spouse> when not around' and, for me, such 'thoughts' are one important delineation of the differences between friends and intimate relations. I was never insecure about 'status' in any relationship so don't know what that feels like. I figured if a woman wanted to be with me, she would be with me. If not, not. But that 'connection', the shared thoughts and feelings when together and apart, is, for me, the glue which binds the emotional part of an intimate relationship. IOW, even when 'secure' in the relationship, 'missing' and 'desiring' my spouse is an indication of the connection we share. Perhaps this is an indicator of your age and growth path, so IMO you should experience it to the fullest to better understand the dynamic. Try some casual sex and open relationships and see how it goes. Everyone's path is unique. I am willing to try out an open relationship. I've had a couple examples put before me over the last year or so. I live with a girl who's been in one for over a year; she and her partner adore each other, and they don't keep each other from dating/having sex with anyone else. I normally wouldn't try it because I've "always" been a more jealous person, but in the wake of my excursions into multi-dating, I feel as though I've become more accepting of casual, non-exclusive setups, and not just on the one side--as in, I can but I can't handle it if they do too. As for the "missing"--I just feel more like I have more important things to think about and take care of than the guy I'm seeing, because I know that I'm going to see them again soon. There have been a few times when he wasn't able to see me because of weather, and I missed him a lot then. And I do think about him--just not constantly, like one would if they were infatuated.
carhill Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I think about my best friend, and called him today to check up on his mom. He was on my mind. That's different than my spouse being on my mind. It's a totally different *feeling*. With an intimate connection, it's like there's this unconscious conversation always going on. We live our lives, productively so, and enjoy great friendships, but nothing is like that almost subconscious communication going on. You've seen or read about people in a coma or near death in a hospital who respond to the touch or voice of their mate; about a long-married couple where one spouse dies and the other dies shortly thereafter. Many examples. I'm not saying that's a requirement. Many people live their whole lives, wonderful productive loving lives with children, grandchildren, etc. and never experience it. If you ever do, and it's with someone who's compatible, all I'm saying is sit up and take notice. In the meantime, it's wonderful to be alive. Glad to hear things are going well with the guy you're seeing. Spring is nearly here, not that you all being buried under record snow is any indicator of it. Take care
Barky Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Maybe I've just grown up, become disenchanted with the trappings of infatuation and romance? This is exactly right. As you gain experience in life you realize that people are just people, nothing to get too excited about.
SadandConfusedWA Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 There is no huge mystery here, you are simply not that into the current guy you are seeing.
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