Crusoe Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 TBF, when with my ex we worked everything out on a percentage. For example when we first got together I earnt about 80% of our joint income, so for every £80 I put into the joint account she put in £20. Later it worked out to be nearer 60/40. If we had kids and she stopped work I would have paid 100%. If she later went back to work we would have adjusted it again. We always thought that was a good fair way of doing things. Maybe yourself and hubby could take a similar approach and use the your income from investements and savings as your percentage. Once back at work, adjust it again.
Hot Carl Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 If I were him I'd let you use your money however you want. Your peace of mind would be more important than my pride. If it came right down to it, he'd never let insolvency occur, and that's what he should base his pride on. Not the fact that he buys everything every day. If you have money and want to contribute, fine with me.
Author threebyfate Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 Crusoe, your post twigged something, with the usage of the word "joint". I'll let him support us with the understanding that my 50% will go into a joint investment account, with rights of survivorship. This way, I can transfer assets "in kind" at book value, without any deemed disposition, hence no cap gains, until the assets are truly sold within the joint account!! A total win/win, in that his pride gets satisfied, while I get to invest in our joint future together! Thanks everyone, for your input! I think our problem has been solved but will know for certain, when I broach it to him, after he gets home this afternoon, from b-ball.
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Hey TBF. I love you dearly, as you know. At least, it is my hope that you know. If I fold, it feels unethical to me. If he folds, it feels wrong to him. I think. If you read that in another post, you would immediately recognize the language and signs of a major power struggle in the works -- What the heck is this nonsense about "folding"??? I get the part where it feels unethical. But the delightful thing about those types of feelings is that they can be explored and updated to suit and serve one's current realities, and best support and uphold one's MOST important values, goals and desires. Your compromises and solutions are within your own hands (more accurately, in your own head and heart ) I have 100% confidence that you will find it. Now...go fish! Go find those mental errors that are throwing you off-track, and work your magic on them. Please. EDIT: Sorry! Ignore the above. Glad you've solved the problem. Serves me right for not reading to the end of the thread before opening my big yap. Many apologies.
melodymatters Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I think your solution sounds like an excellent idea ! What hours will your nanny be working ?
Author threebyfate Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 ((Ronnie)) Know that it's reciprocated! But yes, it was the start of a power struggle, which is why I opened a thread, to find a way to compromise. We've discussed our financial arrangements many a time in the past, but always with the view that I would be working. Now that baby brain has taken over, since I can't drum up ANY enthusiasm for work, I've thrown us out of our comfort zone. So it was my responsibility to fix this in a way that he buys into. Hopefully this will work and we can lay it to rest.
Author threebyfate Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 mel, nanny's living with us so she'll be around. Our agreement is pretty loose, with extra for night time.
Lishy Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 So you are not going to work or do housework nor be the primary carer of your new baby? Why dont you just go straight back to work because where I am from people only get nannies when they go back to work which you are saying you may not even do. Maybe you could just tell him how you feel and just carry on as you are now and then there is no problem.
Author threebyfate Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Lishy, H. was aware of everything going on, so there haven't been any secrets. The situation was resolved over a month ago, where H. pays for day-to-day expenses and I fuel a joint account. I stopped working a little under a week ago. Whether or not I'll work after Bump's born, we'll see.
sb129 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I know you said you have domestic help but won't you be the one actually caring for the baby? Won't you be the one teaching him, feeding him, changing him and doing the millions of other things a baby needs? Maybe once you're providing for your baby for his non-financial/material needs it will give you more of a sense that you're contributing. I wondered this too. TBF- do you mind letting us know the reason you won't be going back to work if you have all the other bases covered? My primary reason for going back was financial. You are so lucky to have domestic help- the only reason we do is because I am back at work. When Wonderbaby came along, domestic help would have been just incredible. Not to help with baby care- WB and I had that covered, but to do everything else that suddenly becomes hard to manage, like housework, cooking, laundry, shopping etc etc. And as far as "stuff" goes- you may think you are organised and have bought all the stuff that bump needs, and you probably have for now, but let me tell you they need more and more as they get older- I am constantly buying Wonderbaby books, new clothes as she grows and stuff for feeding now she is on solids and I am always looking into activities to try with her. I have to be careful because we CAN'T afford to spend spend spend on her, but its so much more fun than shopping for myself or groceries.
thom3 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Are you also in a country where college tuition is free or close to free? Because here in the US, I don't even hear my colleagues who gross over $350k a year talking as pretentiously as you ("bump's future is already secured"). Mind you, $350k a year is in the top 1% for household income in the US. And we have the lowest taxes in the industrialized world. Sorry, but reading the OP's post just conjures up an image of idle thumb twiddling, or a croak of bull.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 You could let your husband pay for everything as he wishes and put your "share" into savings or investments for the "rainy day."
sb129 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 TBF it might even be an idea to have a backup nanny- because if yours is doing all the housework and the childcare she is going to be totally knackered and will need breaks/ days off. Maybe you could pay for that? WB and I have totally joint finances so its never really been an issue with us, but I pay for our nanny out of my business account as she is an employee of mine, so that works out pretty well- have you considered that kind of arrangement so you feel you are contributing that way?
Author threebyfate Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 sb, since we're continuing to be equal financial contributors, whether I work or not doesn't really matter. p.s. we've already resolved the problem with a joint investment account.
sb129 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 OK great. Would be interested to hear your response to other questions- your situation is different to mine and its always interesting to compare notes with other mums.
sb129 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Namely, if you don't need to work, which is great, and the nanny is going to be primary childminder, what sort of things will you do with your time? I am genuinely interested, as I have often thought about what I would do if I had more time to myself.
Author threebyfate Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Late Feb, I couldn't get up any interest in what I was doing. My focus was on Bump being born, wondering how things would go and this focus, hasn't changed. In essence, leaving my options open for either working or not. I even batted the idea around about going back to school or working for charitable causes, but only in the background. Right now, I'm making no decisions or commitments, waiting to see how things go. But for certain, whatever happens, it won't be doing nothing, considering how horrific this last week has been, doing nothing. On the otherhand, why does it matter to some of the members what I choose to do? It really is my life and my choices, no?
Mr White Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Stargazer, You will find that TBF conveniently pretends questions don't exist if she cannot answer them. For someone who claims to have every possible contingency mapped out - she simply denies the existance of questions that don't reflect well on her. She will not acknowledge your question any more than she responded to an inquiry about whether or not she would give up 3 of her own IQ points. Infidel! Prepare for the (quasi- pop- intellectual-ish) wrath of God that is coming your way!
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