I ended it because of her past. Smite me...

[abouttoloseit]

Long story. My ex gf is 25, I am 27.

 

I met her about 6 months ago. And from the get go, I very much liked her. I had never met someone so generous, and kind. I thought I could be in for the win. So kind that she bought me the drinks on the first round. On the night I met her, I saw plenty of other guys staring at her. But none of them made a move. So I thought, their loss - watch how it's done. But she gave plenty of signs, she stared at me, almost smiled at me but I caught her out. Which was a funny moment. Anyway.

 

Two weeks into our relationship and I have no doubts, everything is going swimmingly. She tells me she lost her mother a year ago, and I felt upset for her.

 

One night we sit down to watch a movie and out of the blue, with a big grin on her face she asks me how many girls I had been with. I was taken slightly aback. I don't think asking this question without good reason, well pretty much any reason is ever a good thing. I learnt from previous experience. So I explained Im not so comfortable ansering it. But I answered it anyway. What is important is that she asked while grinning. Before I answered I could see she couldnt wait to tell me something. Her number.

 

My number was 3. Her face dropped. As she was expecting a much higher number. I told her Im not into one night stands. Simply because with a partner you learn so much more, and can do so much more.

 

I then asked her not to tell me hers. Both out of respect and my own well being.

 

A week later. We are watching a movie, and I jokingly say something about threesomes. I can't remember what exactly. And she blurts out, with the biggest grin on her face that she took on two guys at once. At the time, it really didn't sink in. I couldnt really picture that way, she was a princess. By now you can tell I keep sex for those whom I am with, Im not into ONS.

 

But this threesome made me feel really down. I won't apologise for it, as I have no control over it. However, I sent her a nice email explaining that I will look past it, and appreciate what I have right now.

 

Which I did.

 

A week later, I notice some pictures crop up on facebook of her hugging some guy, a little bit too much? And I ask her who he is? She explains "This is Steve...you know...my Ex? He is my best friend, I love him but in a family way, I've known him for most of my life".

 

So naturally Im a little pissed at this point. But again, I look past it and give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Then, through accident (Steve taking his profile off private on facebook)...I see all these comment to her and him "I love you soo muchhh best friend! xxx " ... "Call meeeeee xxxxx" .... "You rullleeee!!!" ... These are only days appart. The comments span from October all the way through the year.

 

I feel sick at this point. So naturally I kick up a fuss. I ask to meet him. So I can judge for myself if this guy is a threat, or maybe I can accept him as a friend. But this never happened. I switched from wanting to meet him, to hating at the same time. I explained all this to my g/f that I was uncomfortable. It changed nothing between them.

 

A week later...

 

More pictures pop on her facebook. Model photographs, of her. Naked. Obviously not fully nude on facebook, but she was during the photo. I was not told of this. So again naturally I flipped. This is roughly 3 weeks after we declare g/f b/f status. About 3 months into the relationship.

 

I was aware she was doing some modelling, but not nude. Again, I flipped. She hasn't done any since. But she had done many before she met me.

 

A month later.

 

Another male close friend, who I got to know of hers, who had asked to date her, twice (she didn't date him however) has his birthday. She invites us BOTH down. About a 200 miles trip. Which is very cool of him. As I was a bit weary, but he showed friendship so I was happy to meet him. Anyway, after, my g/f telling me she had too much work on, family problems and other commitments, she says she cant make it to his birthday. So this guy called Dave, completely flips out at her. "Im so ****ing dissapointed...it's only one night I ask you to come see me". So Im a bit pissed off that he talk to her like this.

 

So I send him this:

 

Hi Dave!

 

Um, I try to be to the point, no doubt you might be drunk when you read this! This isn't like a rant or anything (I promise!). *girlfriends name* told me you both felt out, or you with her cos she couldnt make it down. You were supposed to see her at christmas too?

 

Well anyway, she is a bit upset over this. I've not seen her for a while but she has text me about it. To give you a bit more from info whats goin on up here lol:

 

She is a BUSY girl. She has her business to tend to, and more to the point her tax returns, time of the year etc. She has applied for a masters at Manchester Uni, so she is busy getting her portfolio sorted. She is trying to keep her family together as you know she lost her mother recently. So she is up the road quite often. She has her friends to see, Gemma etc, and then she wants time to herself. THEN, if Im lucky, I get to see her like...once/twice a week if that?

 

So...she is a busy bee!

 

She's told me she has known you for a quite a while, and I was pretty cool with her going to to see you for ur birthday. I trust her. As you know, guys can get 'protective' :oP Because I mean, I don;t really know you lol. Plus, and dont get too mad, she says you kinda asked her out in the past or similar? Again, im not too bothered by it. I wasnt bothered by her seeing you for your birthday, hell you even invited me.

 

Anyway, I digress. The point of this message (besides happy birthday) is to hopefully, ifyou HAVE fallen out with her, give her some slack. Or better, make up. Really, I dont get to see her quite often, and Im her bf! SO if she gets upset about something I wanna try and make things alright. She invited u up to manchester, up to you if you wanna come!

 

But try understand, she is BUSY. She has other stuff to do etc, and then at the end of it, if she has time left, boyfriend time lol.

 

This is all I know. It's all she's told me. Anyways, I know you're pissed, and I hope you have a mint birthday!

 

ME"

 

Thats what I sent him. Anyway, I got called a cunt by him, he called me a dick, a twat and tried to get my gf to fall out with me over it. I told my g/f he had called me a cunt over facebook. She eventually made him apologise. But I didn;t really feel like accepting it. But I did. But I didn't really want to meet him after that. Nevertheless, my g/f and him stayed VERY close friends. Im thinking, which team is my g/f on?

 

Few weeks later.

 

She tells me she cheated on two of her ex boyfriends. And never told them. (Red Flag). I said to her..."Are you expecting me to give you a high five?". She didn't see the funny side/flippant tone in my voice.

 

She told me she had 4 Boyfriends before me. And one threesome. She told me had not had a one night stand. I told her I didnt find them bad (ONS) just that I dont do them or see them as important to me.

 

Anyway. Im starting to get a little annoyed. She is still talking to her ex, she has at this point, told me of other ex's she has on facebook, the threesome, the nude photos... Anyone one of them alone, is no problem...but this is happening all at once.

 

Fast forward to last night. Through a little using my mathematical skills, and picking up clues from what she has said, about other ex boyfriends (now being a total of 8)...I get investigative.

 

She explained that for a period of 6 months in her life, she was sectioned under the mental health act. She felt bad about how she looked. So she was in hospital for 6 months. She left before they deemed her "mentally fit" I really didnt know how to take this news.

 

It turns out, through admitting on principle, as I had told her mine, she has had 33 sexual partners and 1 threesome. She was 23 by the last one night stand. I have been her most recent partner. WHich means 32 guys before her 23rd birthday.

 

THis just made me feel so sick. Im sorry girls, and those who say you shouldnt judge a persons past...but this was WAY too much. The ex boyfriends, the crazy close friends, the nude photos, threesomes, lies...I wasn't going to take it anymore.

 

I asked her...How could you have done it so many times??? You had boyfriends for most of your time!?

 

And here's the kicker.

 

She was raped when she was 15. It took her virginity.

 

She actually told me this 1 MONTH into our relationship. But as I dont bear a grudge to this, as it is totally not fair, and didnt make me think any less of her. It made me like her more tbh.

 

With this, she says she devalued sex. And had sex with whoever said they liked her. And more often than not these guys just used her. And never got back. But 33?

 

I don't even want to think about it.

 

So...with the ex boyfriend in her life, which I never liked from the start, nude photos, crazy guy friends being too protective of her, flipping me off after I defended her when said friend sent her abuse...I ended it.

 

I feel like a weight is off my shoulders, but at the same time...I feel like I have let her down. But I wasn't going to take her ex bf anymore. And I guess it has saved me hurt, just thinking about 33 different guys. I guess the rape changed her opinion on sex thereafter.

 

She was so nice to me. And kind. And attractive. And Im still unsure as to whether this is right.

 

But I guess you can smite me now.

 

 

On a side note, as soon as she changed her staus on facebook, 4 of her "guy friends" ... "liked" the situation. Saying things like "Score!" "Awesome...welcome back!"

 

They didn't even know me?

 

So, I mean feel free to post, or give opinnion. I accept all. Or just read it and walkaway. Either.

 

Im just fed up.

Edited February 26, 2010 by abouttoloseit

[abouttoloseit]

Oh I forgot. Thanks for reading!

[ladydesigner]

Wow I think I would have been turned off by all that as well. My first thought was, yes I think you made the right decision and second go get tested for STDs.

[Ilovecake]

Ding, ding, ding red flags all over the place. She might be a great girl and extremely smart and beautiful and kind but I'm getting a feeling from your story that she’s a wild one and much drama follows her everywhere she goes. I'm not sure I know a man out there that would want to put up with all of that in a serious committed relationship. It’s fine for a one night stand but you’re not looking for that. I think your reaction is completely justifiable, I would run for the hills if I were you. She pretty much told you exactly what to expect in a relationship with her and you very astutely decided whether that’s something you’re willing to live with. So many lesser people would try and change her to fit their needs and that would be the wrong thing to do and would end in disaster.

[PrettyinInk]

 

She was raped when she was 15. It took her virginity.

 

She actually told me this 1 MONTH into our relationship. But as I dont bear a grudge to this, as it is totally not fair, and didnt make me think any less of her. It made me like her more tbh.

 

 

i don't understand how this made you like her more.

[FreeNow]

i don't understand how this made you like her more.

 

Rescuing type of instinct thingy... common guy thing.

 

 

abouttoloseit: There were so many red flag with her in that post I lost count. Good for you for moving on. Now NC all the way and don't look back at that train wreck.

[bananaboat11]

Holy red flags.

 

Holy insecurities.

 

Holy low-self esteem.

 

Holy dependency.

 

Holy christ.... if I ever meet you in person.. i'm buying a drink.

 

I'm so sorry man.

 

just was dumped by a girl similar to yours... except she wasn't as nice as yours...

[PrettyinInk]

Rescuing type of instinct thingy... common guy thing.

 

yeah, i understand the 'save-a-hoe' concept. this girl was raped; that changes everything. raped as a virgin changes things even more (although still horrible either way).

 

he basically said he liked her more because she was raped. that is illogical, disgusting, and quite frankly makes me loose any feelings of sorrow i had over the run-around he got in the relationship. that is sick.

 

"it made me understand where she was coming from"

"it brought us closer when she told me"

 

those are proper responses to have... but "it made me like her more."

 

No, that is sick.

[jerrytodd]

Wow. From a small amount of personal experience that is a messed up person.

 

Consider yourself lucky.

[abouttoloseit]

yeah, i understand the 'save-a-hoe' concept. this girl was raped; that changes everything. raped as a virgin changes things even more (although still horrible either way).

 

he basically said he liked her more because she was raped. that is illogical, disgusting, and quite frankly makes me loose any feelings of sorrow i had over the run-around he got in the relationship. that is sick.

 

"it made me understand where she was coming from"

"it brought us closer when she told me"

 

those are proper responses to have... but "it made me like her more."

 

No, that is sick.

 

Hey prettyinink, I know you don't know me or anything so I won't take offence. I agree, I perhaps should have worded that better. I think bring her closer is my favourite. Sorry if this offended you!

[RedCherries]

You did the right thing. A) like EVERYONE else has said, HUGE red flags!! And insecurities galore!! This girl is sadly in need of constant attention from men. I feel bad for her and for her life story. Poor thing needs professional help, and I'm not being rude or sarcastic.

 

B) If you stayed with her, you would never get it out of your head not only her number (since it obviously bothers you a lot) and the fact that she cheated on most of her boyfreinds, and you'd start to get resentful.

 

I was in a VERY similar relationship. I met the guy when we were 21. He had 17 sexual partners (way less than your ex but still a lot!). He also had TONS of girl friends who were interested in him and who he was very flirty with and he was in constant contact with a lot of his former lovers, which I didn't know about at the time. He was also cheating on me. I asked him 2 months into our relationship (I don't know why I did!!!) and he answered honestly. At the time I'd only had 2 partners. I broke it off because I was disgusted and I'm glad I did.

Edited March 10, 2010 by RedCherries

[wotamuppet]

what else you would have found about about her?

I found out bit by bit that my (now thankfully ex) husband had not only been with 53 women but also had 3 ex wives and 3 children...I guess you could say "amnesia" was his middle name lol.

I also was clearing out some stuff one day that'd been in storage and found "exotic" pics of him and various women, videos at swinging parties etc etc.

 

Needless to say I was out of there PDQ, he just disgusted my moral values and when that happens there's no cure other than ending it.