Bleed Internal Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 If you read any of my posts, it's clear that I've dealt with a lot of relationship issues in the past few years. I met a really beautiful, special girl who I loved more than anything, but we were stupid college kids who mixed our love with lying, cheating, and pain that ultimately destroyed and ended our relationship. We haven't been capable of going more than a week or two without breaking NC (i.e. having sex) since we split up, but despite how good it is, that's only made things worse. It's made things worse because we still love each other so much and can't get over what we did to each other. We can have amazing sex or a fun night together and it's inevitable that it will end in an argument about cheating that happened during the relationship or the fact that we have had sex with other people since we broke up. We always wind up back in bed together because it's just not as satisfying with anyone else. I've sworn I'd never touch her again a million times and the last time was five days ago. It's hard because some delusional (although possibly correct) part of me thinks she was really the one. I've never been more attracted to anyone. I've never had a better connection with anyone. I'm great with girls and I've had no problem rebounding, meeting, and having sex with new, hot girls, but there's always a void. I know she's experienced the same thing when she's hooked up with new guys. She last texted me a few nights ago about how she "loves everything about me." I'm posting here because I really don't know what to do and I don't feel like running back to her and having sex that doesn't solve anything like I always do. Normally, something like this would go in the Coping forum, but I posted here because it's the dating scene that has me jaded. I've had SUCCESS dating multiple women (attractive, fun, smart ones too) and while I've enjoyed it, it's not totally satisfying like a night with my ex. I guess my question here is, do I stick things out with dating new girls and continue to have fun, new experiences in hopes that someone will come along that makes me feel the way that she did? Or do I try my hardest to work things out with my ex, because we both love each other so much, although we both cheated, both been with people since the break up, and will be living in separate cities after graduation (when we could have been living together if things didn't get so screwed up). The odds of success are slim in my ex situation, but I feel like I won't find anyone who loves me the way she does or who I love the way I do. This entire post is a mess, but I'm just lost, trying to figure things out and I don't want to set myself back by contacting or getting intimate with her again. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.
quankanne Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 you are the only one who can decide what direction to take, but in all honesty, if your relationship with this "perfect for you" woman broke up over lies and cheating, you're going to have to get your butts into gear and grow the hell up by learning how to build up trust. as for her being your "one true love" ... well, let's just say I don't subscribe to that theory, based on personal experience. I was madly, deeply in love with a guy I met in college, and I thought He Was The One. To a point where I was thinking, "It wouldn't be so bad if I got pregnant by him" because then I would always have a part of him with me, right? he couldn't keep Mr. Happy harnessed, and was sleeping around with other girls on campus. But was holding out for his married girlfriend to leave her husband for him. Of course, I learned all of that AFTER the fact, and I was heart-broken, because remember, He Was The One ... about this time I met someone through my job, and while I liked him, even cared for him, I was still hung up on College Guy. And mooned over him for the longest time even though I dated other guys. fast forward: This summer I'll celebrate my 18-year wedding anniversary with that guy I met through my job. What I didn't understand at the time was that God put him in my life at the right time and I grew in my love for him over the years to a point where I now just laugh and shake my head at the idea of College Guy ever being someone I could share married life with. he was totally wrong for me, though my heart kept saying he was the one I wanted. I think what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, the smart thing is to stop returning to that old fishing hole trying to catch the one that got away. If you're meant to catch that particular fish again, you will. But you'll never know if there's a much more appropriate catch out there if you refuse to fish anywhere else, you know?
Author Bleed Internal Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 eh, i wandered over to the Infidelity forum and kind of answered my own question. this thread in particular: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222853/ guys like that seem like such "sucker for love" losers and that's really the last thing in the world that i want to be. in my heart, i probably have the ability to try working everything out because i love her so much and i know she loves me just as much, but the fact is, she slept with someone else (not to mention people since the break up, which still feels like cheating) and i'll never accept that. i just need to man up and realize that i had a great love during my college years, but it got effed up and it's over. good thing i do post on LS because i obviously get urges for her and i'd be calling her to come over if i couldn't vent here.
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