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Ex finally dissapeared,should I bother contact or forget it?

selena_cat

By selena_cat
in Coping

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selena_cat Established Member

selena_cat

Posted
Posted

hello Everyone,

 

I know its been awhile but i promised myself not to post anymore on this person and also not to expand more time and energy. If you read my previous numerous posts on the subject,i opted for so-called friendship with a guy who not only ditched me,been a real jerk about it,sometimes would speak for a week and dissapeared the next,now i believed he finally did ditch me,i havent heard from him in a month now.

It was an LDr thing,didnt work out at all, he found someone else, i accepted in being friends as he suggested,which we always were and all i really have gotten is crumbs,communication on only his terms,meaning if he doesnt feel like talking to me he wont answer or reply to my e-mails but when he needs to talk i'm always there-stupid me.

For the first time last month we have been speaking consistently,nothing special,just as friends,and the last time we spoke, we talked about current events,also for the first time i had to end the conversation,-in which he usually does because i was out with friends in a bookstore. We did talk for a 35 minutes when he called,then he said let me know when we can speak again. I e-mailed him the next day, he never responded,now its almost the end of the month.,i always knew he was a jerk,but not that much of a jerk that he would after all thsi time blow me off for good.

 

I am fighting the urge to contact him and ask whats up but giving his history for short disapearances,(not a month like this is)should i just leave it alone for good? It really just eats me up inside,its not enough that i accepted his one-sided friendship but then this. I havent contacted him after the first email.

 

 

one of many older threads

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171752/

mmk1 Established Member

mmk1

Posted
Posted

SC, you need to give up as that is what's best for you. This will never be anything more than a completely one-sided friendship where he gets his needs met whenever he wants and you get nothing. Do what's best for you!

Ilovecake Established Member

Ilovecake

Posted
Posted

But you already contacted him and he ignored you. Would you feel beter if you contected him one more time just to be ignored again? He probably thinks that by now you got the hint. He's not talking to you because he doesn't want to.

 

You have to think about how will it benefit you to keep pursuing a person who doesn't want you in his life.

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selena_cat Established Member

selena_cat

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thats the thing i dont understand why,its like after he called me we chatted,i emailed him the next day then nothing,that to me is unbelievably rude,friends dont do that,especially if the so call friendship was his idea,and weve been corresponding for a long time,4 years for him to vanish like that.

 

 

so no i havent contacted and i wont,just needed to vent a bit,and get other opinions

Ilovecake Established Member

Ilovecake

Posted
Posted

It is unbelievably rude, especially when it's someone you consider a friend but unfortunately when it come to the affairs of the heart most of us never get satisfactory answers and for a large portion of us it ends exactly like that, as a total surprise.

 

You did however say that he wasn't that great of a friend to you and would conduct the relationship strictly on his terms, so you had all the red flags right there in front of you. The problem is a lot of times we chose to ignore or put up with those flags until it's too late. Even though I know it's bothering the crap out of you right now knowing why will not lessen the shock and pain. For your own peace of mind it's better to just let dead dogs lye and start moving on. I can tell you that most likely he just disappeared because he didn’t want to face the uncomfortable conversation of having to explain to you why he no longer wants you in his life. He probably met someone else and doesn’t think that talking to his ex is a good idea when starting a new relationship.

mizundastud Established Member

mizundastud

Posted
Posted
hello Everyone,

 

I know its been awhile but i promised myself not to post anymore on this person and also not to expand more time and energy. If you read my previous numerous posts on the subject,i opted for so-called friendship with a guy who not only ditched me,been a real jerk about it,sometimes would speak for a week and dissapeared the next,now i believed he finally did ditch me,i havent heard from him in a month now.

It was an LDr thing,didnt work out at all, he found someone else, i accepted in being friends as he suggested,which we always were and all i really have gotten is crumbs,communication on only his terms,meaning if he doesnt feel like talking to me he wont answer or reply to my e-mails but when he needs to talk i'm always there-stupid me.

For the first time last month we have been speaking consistently,nothing special,just as friends,and the last time we spoke, we talked about current events,also for the first time i had to end the conversation,-in which he usually does because i was out with friends in a bookstore. We did talk for a 35 minutes when he called,then he said let me know when we can speak again. I e-mailed him the next day, he never responded,now its almost the end of the month.,i always knew he was a jerk,but not that much of a jerk that he would after all thsi time blow me off for good.

 

I am fighting the urge to contact him and ask whats up but giving his history for short disapearances,(not a month like this is)should i just leave it alone for good? It really just eats me up inside,its not enough that i accepted his one-sided friendship but then this. I havent contacted him after the first email.

 

 

one of many older threads

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171752/

 

Please do not contact him. Seems he's just using you to get a friend when he wants but then throw you away like trash when he's done. I've been thru this. Its not fair and it might be difficult but you should go all the way NC. You deserve a 50/50 relationship whether its a spouse or friend. I took whatever of his time I could get but I missed him so much but in the end was left unsatisfied because he was giving me crumbs and I was trying to be an active participant in his life. So you should just leave it alone if you mean anything to him heKll contact you. Also as far as him contacting you they sometimes do that if you haven't contacted them in a while so you can want more and start riding their coat tail again. Kinda like giving you a sample so you can want the whole order.

mmk1 Established Member

mmk1

Posted
Posted

SC, this will continue as long as you let it. This "friendship" is just an ego stroke and validation for him and only when he wants it. He does not have your best interests at heart and will continue being selfish in this "friendship," never giving you what you want or need.

 

Save yourself more frustration and heartache by accepting the end of the relationship and letting it go. It totally sucks when someone is a big part of your life for so long and then you never speak again, but that is the nature of things.

 

I try to remember the fun times together with my ex as great memories but they are just that at this point, just memories. Find someone else to make more great moments with.

  • Author
selena_cat Established Member

selena_cat

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
It is unbelievably rude, especially when it's someone you consider a friend but unfortunately when it come to the affairs of the heart most of us never get satisfactory answers and for a large portion of us it ends exactly like that, as a total surprise.

 

You did however say that he wasn't that great of a friend to you and would conduct the relationship strictly on his terms, so you had all the red flags right there in front of you. The problem is a lot of times we chose to ignore or put up with those flags until it's too late. Even though I know it's bothering the crap out of you right now knowing why will not lessen the shock and pain. For your own peace of mind it's better to just let dead dogs lye and start moving on. I can tell you that most likely he just disappeared because he didn’t want to face the uncomfortable conversation of having to explain to you why he no longer wants you in his life. He probably met someone else and doesn’t think that talking to his ex is a good idea when starting a new relationship.

 

 

Thanks MM1 and cake,i truly apreciate your replies

 

Cake,I already know he has a gf,since he ditched me for her 2 years ago,but we talk strictly as friends, (well not when he gets bothered which he keeps under control-and only when he seems to want to talk,besides he says he has otherfemale friends he just chats with,and i thought he was not the kind of guy since he pointed out to me that has his gf telling him whatto do and not speak to anyone,so your right,let dead dogs lie,poor dogs.

 

Hey miz,

Hows it going thanx for replying to my post, i wont contact him i havent so far,and i wont..it is bothering me,i even googled his Im username but nothing,i read other stories of people just dissapearing,stories that are much much worse,kind of make you think why bother reaching out or caring about anyone since they'll more likely dissapoint you one day

Edited by selena_cat
Joe Normal Established Member

Joe Normal

Posted
Posted

I agree with the other posters, you need to forget him and move on. Stop doing things like googling him, it will just keep him in the forefront of your mind instead of in the mental trash where he belongs.

lunar_rabbit Member

lunar_rabbit

Posted
Posted

I really feel for you on this one - I just came out of something extremely similar about a week ago.

 

I agree with the other posters in saying, just let it go. He wasn't behaving like a real friend at all, and it's very likely that having you run after him and waste time waiting for him is something of an ego trip for him. Stop being his ego trip, you're better than that. He shows no signs of wanting any kind of stable friendship with you, so drop it like a hot potato. Block his email address and cellphone number,remove him from your IM contacts list and quit googling or otherwise looking for him.

 

Use the time you would have spent looking or waiting for him to spend time with your family and *real* friends, because they deserve your attention far more.

  • Author
selena_cat Established Member

selena_cat

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
I really feel for you on this one - I just came out of something extremely similar about a week ago.

 

I agree with the other posters in saying, just let it go. He wasn't behaving like a real friend at all, and it's very likely that having you run after him and waste time waiting for him is something of an ego trip for him. Stop being his ego trip, you're better than that. He shows no signs of wanting any kind of stable friendship with you, so drop it like a hot potato. Block his email address and cellphone number,remove him from your IM contacts list and quit googling or otherwise looking for him.

 

Use the time you would have spent looking or waiting for him to spend time with your family and *real* friends, because they deserve your attention far more.

 

Thanks so much Lunar, and Joe

I really apreciate that, as well as evreyone who replied,that helps me alot and believe me i print and read,and reread all your responses every day, to me the more replies the merrier from my true friends at LS!

Edited by selena_cat
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